[Stiggers] Year-End Financial Dilemma
Rudy McBride: "Now that Thanksgiving and Black Friday have passed, how do you feel today? You've spent your hard-earned money on a few days of happiness. The leftover food is gone. Money in your checking account is low, and you need to earn more money from a temporary, second job to help pay those nagging pre-holiday bills."
[Stiggers] Unemployed and Broke
"You took my dignity and gone. My children are depressed because I cannot provide for them. My wife is annoyed, and I am desperate and frustrated. And I don't have health insurance."
[Stiggers] Turkey Day Parade
Miss Doodle Mae: "As the holiday season approaches, Jojo's Discount Dollar Store is gearing up for a special event during Thanksgiving. It's an event the financially challenged community will enjoy."
[Stiggers] Winter in America
Big Roscoe: "Welcome to the post-daylight-saving time edition of ‘Clubb Chicken Wing's Def Poetry Jam with Hot Sauce.' We have a virgin about to recite something to you. And he told me that he also brought a big ol' hot pot of food for the soul in the back of the Clubb Chicken Wing kitchen."
[Stiggers] The Chitterling Holiday Season
Earnest "Monday Night Football Head" Walker: "Attention, Pork-N-Piggly shoppers: Now that the elections are over, it's time to enjoy the holiday seasons. As chief executive officer of Pork-N-Piggly supermarkets, I am happy to announce the start of the Chitterling (Chit-lin) Holiday Season."
[Stiggers] Head Up; Wig On
BoneQweesha Jones: "Greetings, Hair Did University students and faculty. I scheduled this special assembly to remind you to go to the polls and vote. I know some of you are very discouraged and frustrated and confused about the government and society.
[Stiggers] Cutback and Privatize
Mr. Announcement: "On this episode of ‘All God's Churn Got Shoes', the Cootie Creek County School Board spends long hours contemplating cutbacks on various education programs within the school system. Let's eavesdrop in on this board meeting to see what will happen."
[Stiggers] Progress Is a Process
Smokey "Robinson" McBride: "Greetings, fellow members of the Ghetto Science community. I want to thank you for your support and tolerance during my term as congressman for the Ghetto Science Team District 7 and 2/3rds. As you know, election time is right around the corner. And I'm here to give a friendly reminder about the progress made under my administration.
[Stiggers] Decoding the Code
Boneqweesha Jones: "Welcome to the early morning edition of ‘Good Morning Ghetto'. My guest is Brother Hustle, Ghetto Science Team senior business and economics consultant."
[Stiggers] Same Process, New Taste
Bill "Munchie" Wilson: "Greetings, Crunchie Burga World customers. I'm Crunchie Burga World's head dietician, here to introduce you to our new fall processed-foods menu. The dietary staff and I worked very hard to provide customers processed food with a new taste.
[Stiggers] Taken My Blues
Chief Crazy Brother: "I always thought no one would mess with history. I truly believed that history is absolute like science and math.
[Stiggers] Troubled Land
Boneqweesha Jones: "This is the Labor Day edition of ‘Qweesha Live 2010.' During the last eight weeks of summer, America and the world have experienced more drama than the soap operas and reality-television shows combined."
[Stiggers] What About the Milk?
Dear Diary: I have a serious concern about how I am serving my community. I am ashamed about how I've enabled my financially challenged customers to consume processed foods from my Pork-N-Piggly supermarkets.
[Stiggers] This Funky Society
Mr. Announcement: "In the ghetto criminal justice system, the people are represented by members of the Ghetto Science Community: police officer and part-time security guard at the Funky Ghetto Mall, Dudley ‘Do-Right' McBride; attorney Cootie McBride of the law firm McBride, Myself and I; and Sista Encouragement, co-host of the Rev. Cletus Car Sales Church Broadcast. This is their story."
[Stiggers] Weary Minds and Souls
Judy McBride: "Before I close my monthly Ghetto Group Psychological Therapy and Venting Session, I want to say that I'm very happy to see those individuals who returned from last month's session and some new people, too."
[Stiggers] Renegade Runaway
Mr. Announcement: "Controversial independent filmmaker Kunta ‘Rahsheed X' Toby presents a scene from his new epic movie ‘Kunta King James: Runaway Franchise Athlete.' Look for guest cameo appearances from Rev. Jesse Jackson, Mel Gibson, tea-party protesters and the NAACP.
[Stiggers] Branding the Unemployed
Boneqweesha Jones: "I heard James Brown paraphrase a Bible verse at the end of one of his songs: ‘If you don't work, you don't eat.' And right now in America, people are starving.
[Stiggers] Keep It to Yourself
Miss Doodle-Mae: "I'm proud to welcome five new members to the staff of Jojo's Discount Dollar Store. You've experienced the rigorous training and intense orientation sessions. I hope you've mastered the Four-Way-Test Customer Service class."
[Stiggers] As the Oil Flows
Boneqweesha Jones: "It's the ‘Qweesha Live 2010 Weekly World Report.' It looks like this summer is putting the heat on world and corporate leaders. Case in point is the president. It seems like the nation, media and Congress are sweating him about the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico.
[Stiggers] Kicking Some Butt
Judy McBride: "Greetings, Ghetto Science Public Television viewers! Welcome to the premiere edition of ‘Ghetto Psychology Today.' The objective of this television show is to discuss, analyze and understand aspects of human behavior from a Ghetto Science Team perspective.
[Stiggers] Black Gold
Mr. Announcement: "In the ghetto criminal justice system, the people are represented by two members of the McBride family: police officer and part-time security guard at the Funky Ghetto Mall, Dudley ‘Do-Right' McBride and attorney Cootie McBride of the law firm McBride, Myself and I. This is their story."
[Stiggers] Out of Gas Again
Nurse Tootie McBride: "Ghetto Science Public Television presents a special edition of ‘Break it down for the People World Report.' Tonight's topic is: ‘Should Poor Folk Cry over Spilled Oil in the Gulf of Mexico?'
[Stiggers] Broke Folk
Brotha Hustle: "Ghetto Science Community: The Hustle family's Summer Jobs Initiative is ready to put people to work, thanks to some surplus funds from the Ghetto Science Community Stimulus Grant, or GSCSG. Special thanks go out to Congressman Smokey ‘Robinson' McBride for pulling strings to make the summer jobs initiative happen."
[Stiggers] Desperate Plea
Mr. Announcement: "G-SPAN (Ghetto Science Public Affairs Network) presents the ‘Lord Have Mercy I'm Still Unemployed Center Summer Jobs Summit.' Rev. Cletus, spiritual advisor and pastor of Rev. Cletus Car Sales Church, is the guest motivational speaker."
[Stiggers] Step Into Tomorrow
Boneqweesha Jones: "Welcome to Hair Did University School of Cosmetology and Vocational Studies Pre-Graduation Banquet. Our guest speaker is the honorable Congressman Smokey ‘Robinson' McBride. Congressman Smokey just arrived from an immigration debate and conference in Washington, D.C."
[Stiggers] The Four-Way Test
Miss Doodle Mae: "The staff of Jojo's Discount Dollar Store just finished the daily staff meeting, similar to the meeting seen on the television series ‘Hill Street Blues.' Our morning meeting is a great opportunity to prepare for the work day."
[Stiggers] Garment Of Destiny
Dear Disgruntled American Citizens: I want to make an appeal to you through this letter.
[Stiggers] Naked Truth
Boneqweesha Jones: "This is a ‘Qweesha Live' television news special report! Let's go to TaaQweema Jenkins, Suma Cum Laude graduate of Hair-Did University School of Cosmetology, reporting live from the Ghetto Science Team's Museum of Fine Arts and Culture, where the controversial Brother Sylvester, Christmas Missin' Toe artist, has another thought provoking exhibit titled ‘Breast-N-Plants: Exposing the World to the Naked Truth.'"
[Stiggers] Little Bit of Change
Miss Doodle Mae: "Finally, it looks like this winter's cold spell has broken. Trees covered with white blossoms decorate the ghetto landscape. The street corners and hangout spots are alive with unemployed folk, winos and beggars."
[Stiggers] Too Nasty
Mr. Announcement: "G-SPAN presents live coverage of the Ghetto Science Community Health Care Reform Clinic grand opening. The clinic is the newest addition to the Club Chicken
[Stiggers] Rabid Race Mixers
Mr. Announcement: "On this episode of 'All God's Churn Got Shoes,' members and supporters of Operation White Backlash have organized a Tea Party protest rally and barbeque outside the offices of the Progressive Multi-Cultural Review, World Report and Other Stuff Journal Inc.
[Stiggers] Vicious Whack
Boneqweesha Jones: "Live from the new Hair Did University television studio, it's time for 'Qweesha Live: 2010 Edition.'
[Stiggers] Whooty Whoot Time
Mr. Whooty Whoot Man: "Good morning! And welcome to the 'Mr. Whooty Whoot' television show. This program is brought to you by a tiny grant from the Poor Ghetto Children's Television Network. Additional funding is brought to you by the Ghetto Science Team's Community Stimulus and the Let Me Hold Five Dollars National Bank (L.M.H.F.D.N.B.).
[Stiggers] Future Paradise
Rudy McBride: "This may sound weird, but an epiphany came to me. It happened while I was doing some paperwork and listening to the 'Good Morning Ghetto' Drive Time Morning Crew on the Serious Ghetto Science Team Radio Network."
[Stiggers] That Sounds Nasty
Boneqweesha Jones: "Welcome to Hair Did University's S.O.H.K. (School of Hard Knocks) Critical Thinking Lecture Series. Psychologist Judy McBride wants to share with us an effect that is affecting people today."
[Stiggers] Sweet Music of Hope
Boneqweesha Jones: "Hair Did University presents the Ghetto Science Team Job Counseling Sessions, where unemployed workers from the Ghetto Science community come to the Madame C.J. Walker Student Union for counseling and training twice a month.
[Stiggers] Tuning the Toyotillac
Mr. Announcement: "Live from the Clubb Chicken Wing Multi-Purpose Complex, G-SPAN (the Ghetto-Satellite Public Affairs Network) presents a brief press conference held by Big Deacon Jones, chairman of the deacon board, head mechanic and company spokesperson of Rev. Cletus' Car Sales Church.
[Stiggers] What About The Milk?
Rev. I.M. Vegan: "Welcome to the Vegetarian Church's 'Save the Water and Food Supply in the Ghetto' National Conference."
[Stiggers] Do the Hustle
Brotha Hustle: "At this time of the year, the only thing on poor people's mind is 'Tax Refund.' So, they grab their W2 statements and run to one of those well-known tax-preparation places.
[Stiggers] Bombs for the Poor
Inspector "Beat Down" Lipscomb: "Welcome to the Ghetto Science Team Counter Terrorism conference. Terrorism has become a reality around the world.
[Stiggers] A Mass Choir In Denial
Boneqweesha Jones: "It's time for the 'Qweesha Live Television Magazine Movie Preview for 2010'! My movie pick for the new decade of the new millennium is 'The Bottom Line is Money,' a documentary film by Kunta 'Rahsheed X' Toby, the Gordon Parks of the Ghetto.
[Stiggers] Your Mind, Not Your Behind
Old School Pete: "You're listening to 108.1, WGST (Ghetto Science Team) radio, the station where listening is worth your while at the end of the dial. This is your old school deejay stimulating your mind, and not your behind, with the 'Round Midnight Music and Message Moment.
[Stiggers] To Tiger, With Love
Dear Mr. Woods, You might remember me from a press conference after your first victory in the Masters Golf Tournament. I remember when you said, "I'll take a question from the gentleman wearing the chef's hat."
[Stiggers] Beware the Party Crashers
Mr. Announcement: "In the ghetto-criminal justice system, the people are represented by two members of the McBride family: police officer and part-time security guard at the Funky Ghetto Mall, Dudley 'Do-Right' McBride, and attorney Cootie McBride of the law firm McBride, Myself and I. This is their story."
[Stiggers] I'm Not Black!
Motel Williams: "Welcome to the first B.I.D. (Blacks in Denial) conference. Before I begin my brief speech, I want everyone to know that I'm not black; I'm Scandinavian!
[Stiggers] Make A Friend If You Can
Miss Doodle Mae: "This holiday season, folks are counting down to more cutbacks. The mantra for the shameless corporate executives is cut back, back, back. Business decisions to eliminate jobs to enable CEO bonuses and privileges slit the throats of today's workers who bleed hopelessness, fear, apathy and desperation."
[Stiggers] ‘Amazing Gracie's' Thanks
Brotha Hustle: "It's been a while since members of the Hustle family have come together for Thanksgiving. It's really nice to see familiar faces, like my second cousin Gracie Hustle, former all-star point guard for the Cootie Creek Community College ladies basketball team.
[Stiggers] Eating Like Kings
Mr. Announcer: "Ghetto Science Public Television presents 'Cooking with Grandpa Pookie!' Tonight's guest is Brotha Hustle, the Ghetto Science Team's roving and mobile entrepreneur. On this segment of the program, Grandpa Pookie and Brotha Hustle will show you how to eat well on a recession budget."
[Stiggers] Just Pay Me Back
Rudy McBride: "Greetings to all of my loyal customers journeying through this world of woe during this global recession. This message is dedicated to the wayfaring strangers traveling to that bright land of no sickness, toil or danger. This message is for people waiting for promises to become successful realities."
[Stiggers] I Have a Scheme
Miss Doodle Mae: "It was one of those dreary and rainy evenings. The staff and I had just finished our store-closing duties. Jojo suggested that we wait until the heavy rain lighten up before going home."