Ellington

Rudy McBride: "Now that Thanksgiving and Black Friday have passed, how do you feel today? You've spent your hard-earned money on a few days of happiness. The leftover food is gone. Money in your checking account is low, and you need to earn more money from a temporary, second job to help pay those nagging pre-holiday bills.

"Financially challenged customers, don't worry. The Let Me Hold Five Dollars National Bank staff understands your year-end financial dilemma.

"Nevertheless, my bank executives and I did not add any of the ‘Ghetto Stimulus Package' money to our salaries. Therefore, we have plenty of money left over from the stimulus package, and we want to assist those struggling with their holiday finances.

"For families, individuals or couples on the verge of home foreclosure, the L.M.H.F.D. national bank can provide a ‘Please Give Us One More Month Anti-Foreclosure Loan' that will temporarily stop the Finance Pimp from taking his home back.

"Need some cash to keep the family vehicle running? We have a ‘Fix That Hoopty Loan.' After you receive your cash, take your broken-down ride to Rev. Cletus' Car Sales Church and let ‘Big Deacon' Jones do the repairs.

"No money in the budget to buy gifts for the family? Get a ‘Budget Supplement' loan. This is not a bunch of B.S.; it's a loan to help you make it through the holiday season.

"And remember the L.M.H.F.D. motto: We'll let you hold five dollars, but you got to pay us back."