[Stiggers] Not Even A Cadillac
Readin' Rain-Bro is brought to you by the Let Me Hold Five Dollars National Bank Emergency Aid Fund and the Cootie McBride Help the Financially Challenged Debt Consolidation Centers of America.
[Stiggers] Broke on a Fixed Income
G-SPAN (Ghetto-Science Public Affairs Network) proudly presents our premiere bootleg broadcast of the Ghetto Science Team's Financially Challenged Economic Summit 2005, with keynote speaker Grandma Pookie.
[Stiggers] Sista Church Hat of The Greater Vegetarian Church
It's time for your Bonqweesha On-The-Scene Report. Sitting in for Bonqweesha Jones is Sista Church Hat of the Greater Vegetarian Church, International.
[Stiggers] Antique Road Show With Grandpa Pookie
Live from Rico Tee's Pawn Shop and One Stop Liquor Store/Utility Payment Center, it's the Financially Challenged Antique Road Show.
[Stiggers] A Lap Dance For Medicaid
On this episode of "All God's Churn Got Shoes," the Right, Reverend "Chicken Bone" Jones conducts a morality campaign and protest rally across the street from the Mystical Magic City strip club, bar, grill and dollar store. From an elevated platform, he delivers an urgent message to a small crowd.
[Stiggers] 40 Acres And A Fool
Readin' Rain-Bro Is brought to you by contributions from the International Electric Slide Foundation and The Ghetto Science Team's Trust Fund.
[Stiggers] Dr. Strange, or How to Learn to Not to Love Reality TV
Here's an important message from the law office of Cootie McBride, the people's lawyer: Some clients come to me with extremely large knots on their foreheads after taking a pain pill for aching joints. Other clients, who take diet pills to lose weight quickly, come to my office with a pinky toe the size of a big toe. Angry male clients, whose eyes are crossed after taking a few sexual enhancement pills, storm into my office. As the people's lawyer I have helped many individuals who took drugs with unusual physical side effects get the money they deserve.
[Stiggers] An Inner-City Fairy Tale
Kunta Rahsheed X. Toby film working in conjunction with Ghetto Science Productions present "The Adventures of Sista Gurl, Honey Child: An Inner-City Fairy Tale."
[Stiggers] The ‘No Child Left Behind' School Bus
Funding for the Ghetto Science Team's No Child Left Behind School Bus for the financially challenged is brought to you by a grant from the L.M.H.F.D. (Let Me Hold Five Dollars) National Bank educational trust fund.
[Stiggers] When I Say, ‘Hee', They Say ‘Haw'!
This episode of "All God's Churn Got Shoes" has the answer to the burning question: Where is Colin Powell? The former secretary of state and his son Michael (former FCC Chairman) have gone to China to visit Master Po' Brutha, elder Shaolin Priest and honorary member of the Ghetto Science Team.
[Stiggers] You Get More Than A Drug Store
Cough Syrup: $12. Asprin: $5. Chunky Chicken Soup: $2. Cold Medicine and Vapor Rub: $20. You have bad cold and no sick day benefits at your job: FIRED!
[Stiggers] Please Sir, How About Some Change?
The Ghetto Science Team and the George Washing Carver Holistic Health Commission of Tuskegee, Ala., present Grandma Pookie's year-end radio address to the "peoples" from the rigged ham-radio station inside Lil' Ray-Ray's detail shop.
[Stiggers] The Pink Slip Is A Joke, Right?
Too Much Drama fo' Yo' Momma Street Corner Theatre Productions presents "Free Like Government Cheese," a one-man play by Filmo Jones.
[Stiggers] No Food In The Fridgidaire?
Pookie Peterz and the Ghetto Economic Development Association present the Let Me Hold Five Dollars National Bank.
[Stiggers] The Chrimmus Report
Bone-Qweesha Jones here to inform yawl on the holiday happenings with the "Chrimmus" Report. If you can't afford to take your kids to the mall, shop at Jo-Jo's Discount Dollar Sto', where everythang's a dollar! This year Jo-Jo will have an African-American Santa Claus for the children. The regularly scheduled Santa canceled this season because Jo-Jo laid off the parking lot security guards. And with the economy the way it is, Ol' St. Nick doesn't want to be caught in the 'hood after sundown.
[Stiggers] Soylent Collard Greens and Cornbread
2057-1/2: Terrorists have contaminated half of America's food supply. Since 2005, the affluent consume basic food items such as meat, bread, milk and vegetables, while the economically challenged eat moderate rations of water and artificially flavored green wafers called Soylent Collard Greens and Cornbread. Remember: Tuesday is Soylent Collard Greens and Cornbread Day!
[Stiggers] Shop Local at Bruh Jo-Jo's Discount Dollar Sto'
Has life in the Bushes gotten you down this holiday season? When trying to make a dollar outta 15 cents, are you a dime away from a hot dog or two bucks away from a bed? And is yo' telephone 'bout to disconnect while waitin' on the next paycheck?
[Stiggers] The Souls of Po' Folk
Grandma Pookie here to promote my new book "Fo' the Souls of Po' Folk: Ghetto Proverbs and Affirmations." I want to share with the peoples 10 of my favorites:
[Stiggers] Hold On Tight, Do What's Right
Welcome to "Skreet Newz" with Bonqweesha and Pookie—the economic news magazine show for the financially challenged.
[Stiggers] Come Chill at Clubb Chicken Wing
Has the election got you down? Join the "Financially Challenged" at the hippest and least expensive place in town, Clubb Chicken Wing. As food, gas and energy prices increase, the only thing you can afford at a club these days is a chicken-wing snack!
[Stiggers] G.W. Makes the World Go ‘Round
Mo'tel Williams Records (not K-Tel) and the Ghetto Science team bring to you the single "G.W. Makes the World Go 'Round," from the CD "What Happened Yawl?" by the Nu Peaches and Herb, Shaniqua and Pierre:
[Stiggers] No Po' Folk Left Behind
Pookie Peterz, ghetto economist and international hustler, wants to share his wealth with the financially challenged.
[Stiggers] Comb Yo' Head, Wear a Weave, Iron Yo' Clothes
Ladies and gentlemen! The Ghetto Science Team's Get Out and Vote Initiative presents Grandma Pookie's motivational pep talk.
[Stiggers] Fo' Mo' Years: Trick or Treat
Other Brother Productions presents a Ghetto Science Team horror film. Election Day 2004, morning. Lil' Ray-Ray is up from a pleasant night's rest. After a thorough grooming session, our hero is ready to exercise the right to vote. On his way to vote, Lil' Ray-Ray stops by Grandma Pookie's for breakfast. She laments about the overwhelming cost of Medicare, prescription drugs, food, gas and energy.
[Stiggers] It Is Winter in America, Baby
Your presidential candidate for 2004, Mo'tel Williams: "Ladies and gentlemen! I know it's late. But since Jessie and Al are past tense, I think I have a chance. I'm not here to lie to yawl, even though everybody else has. Case in point: African-Americans were promised 40 acres and a mule, received nothing and were fooled.
[Stiggers] Like a Wino Clutches his Bottle of Thunda Burd
The Cootie Creek Fair hosts representatives of S.O.A.C. (Society of Angry Caucasians ) handing out propaganda to people passing by. Some folk stare curiously at the controversial figures while other folk just walk away.
[Stiggers] Check Yo Sources, Even If It's Gossip
Here's an important message from Sis Boneqweesha Jones, president of the Hair Did University School of Cosmetology and On-the-Scene Journalism, for Advanced Toe Nail Applications/On-the-Scene 501 students.
[Stiggers] Cadillac Is the Word
Financially challenged individuals! If you missed out on Oprah's car giveaway, don't fret! The Ghetto Science Team may have a car for you courtesy of H.B.N. Instead of giving away brand new Pontiacs, the Ghetto Science Team's Hoopty Bargain Network will sell you affordable pre-owned and/or refurbished late-model automobiles.
Doin' the Cha-Cha for Equality and Rent Money
Electric Slide Foundation of America presents the 2004 Post Olympic Cha-Cha Slide/Steppin' Dance Competition and Voter Registration Drive for World Peace and Rent Money.
[Stiggers] Ain't No Use in Going Home
Sgt. Lil' Pookie Peterz III, of the Mr. Cholly battalion, spent 15 grueling months in Iraq fighting the terrorists to preserve and maintain the free world. After completing a de-briefing session, he is sent home from his tour of duty. Our hero anticipates a gracious return home to ticker-tape parades, honorary hero's honors, his assistant manager position at the Crunchie Burga World, the Range Rover with the 27-inch rims, a loyal fiancée, and a loving family who has to give him the sad news.
[Stiggers] A Transplant for a Brand-New Start
It's another episode of "All God's Churn Got Shoes!" This week Grandma Pookie, Dr. Peanut and the Ghetto Science Team attend a briefing at a stem cell research conference. When conference officials deny the group access to the briefing, filmmaker Michael Moore comes to the rescue. He helps Grandma Pookie and company (disguised as Moore's film production crew) sneak into the briefing.
[Stiggers] Meet Ghetto-Economist Pookie Peters
Welcome to "Ghetto-nomics 101": The common people's show! I'm yo' ghetto-economist Pookie "Hustler International" Peters. My guest is grandma Peterz, affectionately known as Grandma Pookie. She will share on surviving in a struggling economy.
[Stiggers] All God's Churn Got Shoes
Presenting the new ABC (African Broadcast Corp.) network soap opera "All God's Churn Got Shoes." Our story takes place at the No Child Left Behind Remedial Alternative School for the Financially Challenged where Miss Teacher conducts her weekly oral examination of students in the spelling and language arts class. She asks her prize student Boneqweesha Jones to define the word "churn."
[Stiggers] So Why Are You Invisible, Man?
Greetings! My guest is one of the many street corner philosophers/intellectuals, handymen and jack-of-all-trades who cannot find a job as a black male. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome D. Invisible Mann.
[Stiggers] The Hippest Anchorwoman in the World
The following is an abbreviated transcript of the E! Network's urban news and entertainment show "Boneqweesha Live."
[Stiggers] The Honeymoon Phase: Calm Before the Storm
We interrupt "Rikki Lakeside and Jerry Springtymer Present Outrageous Talk Show Guests and Their Problems" to bring you a special message from Bro. Kunta "Rasheed X" Toby, producer of a new documentary film on PBS (Peoples Broadcast System):
[Stiggers] Cussin'-N-Fussin-N-The House
Hey beautiful peoples! Bone Qweesha Jones, your on-the-scene reporter, here with the socio-political/celebrity scoop! And it's all 'bout music! Coming to you live, rough, rugged and raw! D.G.I. (Darned Good Intelligence) Entertainment presents the long-awaited CD titled "Cussin'-N-Fussin-N-The House," courtesy of your vice president, Dick "Off The" Cheney. This CD features some highly anticipated, chart-climbing hits like "Get the F--K Out of My Face," "Pressure-N-Stress Off My Chest," "I Said It Before and I'll Say It Again: Cussin'-N-Fussin'-N-The House Remix" and "My Position Against 'Fahrenheit 9/11': Quit Disrespecting My Homie."
[Stiggers] Your Car is a Hoopty When..
Your international hustler is here to help the peoples who drive their raggedy cars to a low-paying, no- Medicaid-benefits job with the greatest invention since the Pocket Fisherman.
[Stiggers] Join the Electric Slide for Medicaid Protest
…indicate precisely what you mean to say/yours sincerely wasting away/Give me your answer/fill in a form/mine forever more/Will you still need me/Will you still feed me/When I'm sixty-four." — The Beatles
[Stiggers] Watch That Indecent Exposure
The following is an excerpt from the new E! program, "Mo'tel William's Celebrity Interview," with special guest, the Godfather of Soul, James Brown.
[Stiggers] Summertime, and the Livin' Ain't Easy
Ladies, gentlemen and po' folks, playwright and entrepreneur Pookie Peterz presents his critically acclaimed ghetto-tragedy opera "Porgy and Bush."
[Stiggers] Watch Yo' Metaphors, Similes and Allegories
The following is an editorial from chief linguist Dr. Trey Cognac Courvoisier Jackson Jr. of the James Brown "Say It Loud" Ebonics Speech Therapy Centers of America.
[Stiggers] Yes, You Have Rights
The "Nu Apprentice: First Hired, Last Fired," starring Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld, will return after this message.
[Stiggers] The State of Dee-wishous Queem-O-Wheet
The Cream-O-Wheat Meals on Wheels Foundation International (We Got A Big Hot Pot In the Back) presents Commentary Concerning Cream-O-Wheat by the Cream-O-Wheat man.
[Stiggers] Help Wanted: WMD Detectives Needed
The Weapons of Mass Destruction Detective Agency is looking for a few good people! Now, a few words from our founder head inspector/agent Mr. Cholly Banks.
[Stiggers] Tale of Two Criminals
From the producers of the Sci-Fi horror film "Very High Unemployment in America" ... This is a story about two women who escaped their wrong decisions. Martha was a rich, powerful, intelligent and popular celebrity who owned her own corporation. Bone-Qweesha was an aspiring hair stylist and on-the-scene reporter who worked three jobs just to make ends meet for herself and her son Junior. These women seemed to live productive lives until they made the wrong decisions.
[Stiggers] Aunt Willa-Mae's X-Cubed Corn Whiskey
The following is an important message from Pookie Peterz of Hustlers International Inc.
[Stiggers] Denials Without Confessions
Network affiliates, Other Brotha/Funkee Finger Productions present "Denials without Confessions," a fresh, exciting and controversial soap opera for this spring. Here is a rough promotion/synopsis of first episode: Supa producer, TV talk-show host, herbal Viagra distributor, root doctor and investigative journalist Mo'tel Williams seeks the "buckey nekkid" truth within a scandal-ridden nation in denial.
[Stiggers] Walking Abreast in the Naked City
Hey Yawl! This is Bone-Qweesha Jones of the Hooked on Phonics Hair and Touch-up Beauty Salon proudly presenting an exclusive literature experience with the poet laureate of the street corner, Bruh Zeke Johnson, author of "The Anthology of 'Skreet' (Street) Limericks: Writings From The Walls of Toilet Stalls," currently the No. 1 best-selling book on the 7-11 convenience store rack.
[Stiggers] Qweemy, Qweemy Black History Moment
The Cream-O-Wheat Foodbank Foundation's "Bigg Hott Pot in the Back for the World" presents a Qweemy, Qweemy Black History Moment by the Qweem-O-Wheat Man.