[Stiggers] The Hippest Anchorwoman in the World

The following is an abbreviated transcript of the E! Network's urban news and entertainment show "Boneqweesha Live."

Fade to video opening with an urban music track followed by a hyped announcer: "Hey good peoples, it's not the news at 5; gather 'round yo' TV fo' 'Boneqweesha Live.' Ladies and gentlemens, live from the Hooked-On-Phonics Hair and Touch-Up Beauty Salon of America, the hippest anchorwoman in the world, Sis. BoneQweeeeeesha Jones!"

Dissolve to Boneqweesha seated at a table besides a hair dryer (insert over live video of M.C. George Bushy shaking hands with psychic John Edward):

"I'm back again with 411 on the down low, baby. And the top news headline is: 'M.C. George Bushy's Campaign Strategy has a Sixth Sense.' Psychic medium John Edward, star of the popular daytime television show "Crossing Over," has joined the Bush team. Edward will function as M.C. George Bushy's astrological adviser and psychic medium for potential voters.

Well, all I have to say is: 'I see dead peoples—in the election, that is.'"

"Now the weather forecast with Pookie Peterz." (Cut to Pookie on location at the Electric Slide for Medicaid rally.)

"Good evening peoples, this is your weather forecast: If the disabled and senior citizens lose their Medicaid benefits, it's gonna be hot. If folk lose their privacy rights under the Patriot Act, it's gonna be hot. If people don't get up off their behinds and vote, it's gonna be really hot. I hope relief will come this fall.

"Back to you, sis Boneqweesha …"

Ken Stiggers is a television producer in Jackson and the host of The Lyric Lounge at C's Deli every Friday night.


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