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[Stiggers] Watch Yo' Metaphors, Similes and Allegories

The following is an editorial from chief linguist Dr. Trey Cognac Courvoisier Jackson Jr. of the James Brown "Say It Loud" Ebonics Speech Therapy Centers of America.

Star forward Kevin Garnett of the Minnesota Timberwolves made this controversial comment to sports reporters on May 17, 2004: "I'm sitting in the house loading up the pump, loading up the Uzi, I've got a couple of M-16s, a couple of nines (millimeter pistols) and a couple of joints with some silencers on them. I'm just loading up clips, a couple of grenades, a missile launcher with a couple of missiles."

In a sincere yet miscalculated effort to express his passion about how he would defeat his opponent, bruh Garnett relapsed to the use of inflammatory verbiage commonly spoken on the basketball courts in the ghetto. In predominately African-American communities this type of aggressive urban expression is called "trash talk" or "the dozens."

For black folk, the dozens test a person's character through a humorous exchange—the hurling of criticisms. For example: "Hey, I saw yo' momma on the TV set. She was playing football fo' the New York Jets!" Even in the black neighborhoods, fierce competitors like bruh Garnett used metaphors, similes and allegories to break down their opponents. Therefore, the James Brown "Say It Loud" Ebonics Speech Therapy Centers of America staff hopes that this interpretation of Kevin Garnett's intonations will provide a better explanation for all Caucasians and proper-speaking black folk around the nation.

Thank yawl, and be careful how you use yo' metaphoric speech.

Ken Stiggers is a television producer in Jackson.

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