[Stiggers] The Drive on Washington
"It's Boneqweesha, live from the Million Motorist March and Car Pool on Washington, D.C. Millions of financially challenged motorists are scheduled to arrive at the nation's capital to protest rising gasoline prices. Attendance is low right now because a small group of marchers have arrived on foot, and car poolers continue to drive at low speeds or end up stranded on the highways. Momma Church Hat has a bird's-eye view from the Praise-the-Lawd-O-Copter."
[Stiggers] That Safe-Crackin' Crack-Head
"Welcome to the Brotha Hustle Bill Payment Extension Phone Service. All you need is a pre-paid cell phone, and you can take advantage of this convenient way to ask for more time to pay your overdue bills.
[Stiggers] Spinnin' Wheel
We return to America's favorite game show "Wheel of the Fortunate."
[Stiggers] Double-Dutch Church Bus
Rev. Cletus: "God bless ya! This is the Right Rev. Cletus, your transportation minister and car salesman, broadcasting live from Rev. Cletus Car Sales—home of the Double-Dutch Church Bus Express. Our motto: 'Swing low, sweet Chariot. We'll get ya to the church on time!'
You Can't Resist It–It's Electric!
G-SPAN (Ghetto-Science Public Affairs Network) presents highlights from the first annual Anegrophobia Racial Reconciliation and Diversity Conference. We now join guest speaker Dr. Coleman M'Pufu, renowned South African cultural anthropologist and international coordinator for the Electric Slide for World Peace and Rent Money movement.
[Stiggers] Y Tu Abuela Tambien
Nurse Tootie McBride speaks to immigrant workers during a special missionary trip at the United States/Mexican border.
The Working Man's Scientology
It's time for "Understanding Ghetto Scientology" with main elder and founder "Cool Daddy" Jim:
The Sensual Environmentalist
Clubb Chicken Wing's ghetto science, folklore and music lecture series presents renowned ghetto environmentalist and former member of the Rent Party Disco Band, Dr. Tidwell "Too Funky Feets" Jackson:
[Stiggers] Toot That Honky Horn
Broadcasting live from Lil' Ray-Ray's rigged satellite dish television network studio and home entertainment center, it's the Brotha Hustle TV Moment.
[Stiggers] Home, Sweet Double-Wide Home
Pookie: "Tonight on the Pookie Economic Report, Brother John-John, property management specialist, building contractor and token Caucasian member of the Ghetto Science Team, shares his vision of housing poor folk affected by Hurricane Katrina."
[Stiggers] You'll Never Take Aunt Tee-Tee Alive
"Dear Diary: I'm not happy when I go to my mailbox. I receive lots of bad news in the form of energy bills. I'm retired and live on a fixed income. So what do you get when you have a $674 electric bill and a $559 heating bill? You get ticked off! And if you cannot make the payments, your utilities are cut off.
[Stiggers] Buck Shot All Up In Your Booty
"It's Boneqweesha live with members of the McBride family as they respond to V.P. Cheney's lil' shootin' accident in Texas."
[Stiggers] What Would Kanye Do?
Ghetto Science Public Television and Kunta "Rahsheed X" Toby Film Works present "Moments in Angry, Black History."
[Stiggers] Angry Moments In Black History
Bruh Jojo: "Thirty years ago, I was one of the first black students to attend a predominately white, private high school. I encountered my most challenging moment during an American history class. The lesson of the day covered slavery, chapter 8, page 246 of the freshman American history book. All of the attention fell on me, Jojo, the black kid, as Mr. Jones asked me to read out loud brief paragraphs about slavery, Harriet Tubman, Frederick Douglass and Abraham Lincoln.
[Stiggers] Working For Mr. Cholly
Boneqweesha: "It's Boneqweesha live, covering the grand opening of the Let Me Hold Five Dollars Insurance Company's Daddy McBride memorial building. I'm with Daddy McBride, patriarch of the McBride family and inspiration for L.M.H.F.D. Insurance Company. Daddy, I know that you and the McBride family are proud of this achievement today."
[Stiggers] Dee-wishious Chocolate
The Qweem-O-Wheat man addresses the Cootie Creek County Community College Black Student Union during their Pre-Black History Month Miss Sausage Biscuit Beauty pageant.
[Stiggers] Dr. Collard Greene Goes Organic
Chef "Low" Fat Meat: "My health-conscious friends complained about the food I used to serve at my restaurant.
[Stiggers] Tricklin' On Down
Brutha Hustle, the Carlton Sheets of the ghetto, introduces Hustle-Nomics 2006, a plan that helps financially challenged individuals supplement their current income within an inflated economy.
[Stiggers] Bring Your Own Soap
Picture this scene: You're at home in the dark without water, gas and telephone because you cannot afford to pay your utility bills. You seek help from your neighbor. But you also discover that he or she is in the same predicament. Frustration, desperation and depression stab at you like the prongs of a pitchfork—indeed, a sticky situation. You question your moment of suffering: Is a rich person's heaven a poor person's hell?
[Stiggers] The Spooks Outside Yo' Door
The following is an excerpt from the script, "The Spooks outside Yo' Door" by Kunta "Rasheed X" Toby:
[Stiggers] The Night Before Kwanzaa
Welcome to a Ghetto Science Christmas with the Fifth Alternate Financially Challenged and Concerned Citizens Community Choir, directed by Auntie Church Hat. Here's a song from their first Christmas CD titled "Broke, Busted and Frustrated during the Holiday Season."
[Stiggers] Finding Philmo
It's time to take your mind on an adventure with Readin' Rain-Bro! Join him as he shares with us a Christmas holiday story.
[Stiggers] Tale Of Two Nations
We interrupt Oprah's Lexus from Texas Luxury Car Giveaway show to bring you a special holiday message from Rudy McBride, C.E.O. of the Let Me Hold Five Dollars National Bank.
[Stiggers] Stayin' Alive
Here's a brief pre-holiday message from Pork-N-Piggly CEO and former third-string NFL football star Ernest "Monday Night Football Head" Walker: "An inflated economy has produced a depressed nation of price-gouged poor people already in debt before Christmas. Family gatherings will be sparse this year because children and grandchildren cannot afford to go over the river and through the woods to grandmomma's house.
[Stiggers] Oui, Oui-ing On Poor Folk
Ghetto Science Public Television presents the Boneqweesha and Momma Church Hat News Hour. Boneqweesha: "Greetings! Momma Church Hat kicks off the News Hour with a special report on the riots in Paris, France."
[Stiggers] Hell On Earth
G-SPAN television presents "The Ghetto Science Team's Working Poor People's Economic State of Emergency Summit," with closing remarks by Grandpa Pookie.
[Stiggers] The Michael Moore Of The Ghetto
The Bootleg Low Power Television Network presents "Wee Hour Conversations by the Stove in Grandma Pookie's Kitchen with Ghetto Economist Pookie Peterz."
[Stiggers] Law And Order In An S.U.V.
Cootie McBride uses his S.U.V. to help Ghetto Science Team Counter-Intelligence agents conduct a drive-by investigation regarding a CIA leak. They stop at a prestigious Washington, D.C., hotel to take security guard Lee-Lee Johnson for a ride around the block.
[Stiggers] Crunchie Burga, Give Us Gas
It's Boneqweesha, your on-the-scene reporter, live from Crunchie Burga World headquarters. The Customer and Support Services Workers' Union, No. 208-1/3, has gathered outside C.B.W. headquarters to protest the plight of the minimum-wage worker. Union president, part-time old-skool deejay and head maintenance person Lionel "Electric Slide" Rutherford is here to explain the protest.
[Stiggers] Scary Nation
I'm Boneqweesha Jones on the scene at Jo-Jo's Discount Dollar Store during his Scary Nation: Trick or Treat Halloween Costume Sale. He has an interesting selection of spooky/non-traditional costumes at discount prices.
[Stiggers] Hands Off My Grandbabies
"While locating my favorite weekly broadcast of The Rev. Cletus Car Sales program on the radio, I accidentally tuned in a talk radio show. A discussion about Social Security caught my attention —since I'm a senior citizen with grandbabies and stuff.
[Stiggers] You're Doing A Heck Of A Job, Cletus
Dr. Peanut speaks to the G.S.T.E.M.A.'s (Ghetto Science Team's Emergency Management Agency) during their post-catastrophe planning session.
[Stiggers] Help Is On The Way!
It's time for "Rescue 911 is a Joke" with Flava-Flav: "Yeah boyeeeee! Check out this phone call between Mayor Ray Nagin of New Orleans and Sis Ernestine, the Emergency Operator."
[Stiggers] To Whom It May Concern
Dear F.E.M.A.: This is Brotha Hustle applying for a job with your organization. I figure if Mr. Brown can get a job with ya, so can I. Please check out my resume!
[Stiggers] Save Money With Pass-N-Gas
The following is an unpaid testimonial for the GST and LMHFD National Bank's Pass-N-Gas discount and roadside assistance card.
[Stiggers] Tips From Hair-Did University
Boneqweesha Jones, the president of Hair-Did University's Schools of Cosmetology, Hair Styling and On-the-scene reporting, addresses the freshman class: "To each member of the freshman class, I'm pleased that you did the right thing in the midst of tough times by choosing H.D.U. for your post-secondary education. We poor folk must pay the 'high' price because we allowed ourselves to be 'okie-doked' (tricked) by the 'American Scream.'
[Stiggers] Stuck Like Chuck On The Side Of The Road
The Ghetto Science Team's Department of Transportation presents Transportation Secretary and Head Mechanic of Rev. Cletus Car Sales, Deacon O.D. Mann, promoting his transportation program for financially challenged commuters.
[Stiggers] Bring Back The Hustle
Brotha Hustle: "Greetings, fellow hustlers and ghetto economists. I've come to realize that we live in a society of racketeering. Gone are the days of Hustle-Utopia (a.k.a. legitimate hustling society), a time when people made equal exchanges with each other, such as a product for a service. Today, lies mixed with the truth keep the insane craziness going.
[Stiggers] Poor Kids' Hoop Dreams
Let's hear a message from the Ghetto Science Team's school superintendent. Grandma Pookie: "Under-funded schools in poor communities anticipate the elimination of athletic programs, which could disable a poor student's ability to advance in today's society. The bulk of America's great athletes rose from poor and working-class communities. Was it not athletics that turned poor kid's hoop dreams into NBA realities? Don't fret! Your superintendent announces the GSTAA (Ghetto Science Team's Athletic Association), an alternative high school athletic program for financially challenged students.
[Stiggers] Meet Self-published Poet Zipp Pitters
From the Ghetto Science Team's bootleg public television studios, it's Pookie Peterz: Live and Direct. Pookie: "My special guest is Zipp Pitters, the front porch poet. He's a prolific author, philosopher and former janitor of the Closed Due to Budget Cuts Elementary School. Tonight, he will discuss his ghetto literary series of self-published chapbooks, now available from Brotha Hustle's mobile bookstore and portable Styrofoam juicy-juice-on-ice drink center. Zipp, I've noticed that your chapbooks have some intriguing titles."
[Stiggers] Float On, Find Love
It's time for those interesting profiles from Float On Personals, brought to you by the law office of Cootie McBride and the L.M.H.F.D. National Bank.
[Stiggers] Battle of The Black Iron Skillet Chefs
Live from the kitchen of Clubb Chicken Wing, it's the premiere of the Ghetto Science Team's Black Iron Skillet Chef cooking competition show with Sista Church Hat.
[Stiggers] Po' Folks And Their Spooky Stories
The Ghetto Science Team brings you The Financially Challenged Summer Camp, hosted by Grandma Pookie. It's time for po' folks and their spooky stories by the camp fire under the moon light. Tonight, Grandma Pookie shares with us a scary tale titled "Night of the Living Financially Challenged.
[Stiggers] Handle Yo' Bidness
Live from Grandma Pookie's kitchen: It's the Ghetto Science Team's syndicated pirate radio show "Handle Yo' Bid-Ness with Lil' Ray-Ray."
[Stiggers] What's In a Name?
Boneqweesha Jones and the Ghetto Science Repertory Theater present a sneak preview of the stage play "Colored Folk Who Considered Changing Their Ethnic Sounding Names When the Corporations Wouldn't Hire Them."
[Stiggers] At Play In The Fields Of Greens
From the makers of "Poor Folk Gone Postal" is a film about a man who follows that inner voice. While flipping Crunchie Burgas on the grill at Crunchie Burga World, chief cook Purvis Jackson hears a Barry White voice say, "If you plant collard greens, cook 'em with a juicy ham-hock and serve 'em with a nice slice of cornbread, people will come."
[Stiggers] Fun In The ‘Hood
Ghetto Theme and Amusement Parks of America presents "Fun Summer Alternatives with Ghetto Economist Pookie Peters":
[Stiggers] Buy A Steak And Eat It, Too
It's "Boneqweesha Live" from the vault of the Let Me Hold Five Dollars National Bank with Rudy McBride, bank president and the Ghetto Science Team's financial adviser.
[Stiggers] Slurp it Real Good
The following is a brief message from Crunchie Burga World's Employee of the month: "I'm Miss Wanda, your senior greeter. I've been working at Crunchie Burga World here almost two years. I work to supplement my fixed retirement income. My granddaughter, Lucretia, the morning-afternoon shift manager, said she needed a greeter during the breakfast-lunch rush. So, she hired me. With warmth and enthusiasm, I greet each incoming customer daily with the phrase: 'WELCOME TO CRUNCHIE BURGA WORLD!'
[Stiggers] Summa Time Tips And Stuff
Ghetto Science Public Television presents "Energy Savin' Spring and Summa Time Tips and Stuff" with Grandpa Pookie and Bruh JoJo.