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[Stiggers] Bring Back The Hustle
Brotha Hustle: "Greetings, fellow hustlers and ghetto economists. I've come to realize that we live in a society of racketeering. Gone are the days of Hustle-Utopia (a.k.a. legitimate hustling society), a time when people made equal exchanges with each other, such as a product for a service. Today, lies mixed with the truth keep the insane craziness going.
[Ali] Bootstrap Fury
I was attempting to have a nonviolent "discussion" with my conservative father the other day when he said the phrase, "Pulling themselves up by their bootstraps." After quickly looking around for President Reagan, I realized the man responsible for my existence had said that to me in reference to the ideal social welfare system.
[Stiggers] Tips From Hair-Did University
Boneqweesha Jones, the president of Hair-Did University's Schools of Cosmetology, Hair Styling and On-the-scene reporting, addresses the freshman class: "To each member of the freshman class, I'm pleased that you did the right thing in the midst of tough times by choosing H.D.U. for your post-secondary education. We poor folk must pay the 'high' price because we allowed ourselves to be 'okie-doked' (tricked) by the 'American Scream.'
[McLemore] Say It Ain't So, Raffe
On March 17, Rafael Palmeiro pointed his finger at the U.S. Congress and emphatically stated his position. Of all of the baseball greats there that day, Palmeiro came off as the cleanest. The outcry against Mark McGwire, Sammy Sosa and Jose Canseco never took aim at the Baltimore Orioles' star. Palmeiro's testimony even led to his participation in a coalition of pro leagues against steroid use.
But Earth, Which Is His Due
At the Neshoba County Fair this year, I had gotten up close to the lectern so I could take a close-up picture of Gov. Haley Barbour's face during his annual political address. He said my family name at the exact moment I snapped his picture.
[Stiggers] Hands Off My Grandbabies
"While locating my favorite weekly broadcast of The Rev. Cletus Car Sales program on the radio, I accidentally tuned in a talk radio show. A discussion about Social Security caught my attention —since I'm a senior citizen with grandbabies and stuff.
We Need A Mayor, Not A Daddy
It is going to be painfully ironic—and useless—if the recent murder spate is the factor that finally gets the Jackson media to start questioning Mayor Frank Melton. Unless proven otherwise, the nine murders in 10 days are not Frank Melton's fault. To my knowledge, he did not put the guns in the killer's hands; he did not tell them to rob and kill; he did not provide illegal drugs that people are willing to kill for; he did not tell a troubled man to pick up a weapon and go kill his girlfriend and another man.
[Casey's Note] Leaving My Heart In Jackson
When I first saw the Jackson Free Press, something sparked. I had given up hope for local weeklies, but the cover—a grid-like spread of a variety of Jackson folks—called to me. Someone had dropped off about 100 copies outside of the Millsaps cafeteria, and I—the eternal journalism snoop—scooped up two. I devoured the whole preview issue and then Googled "Jackson Free Press," hoping to find some Internet connection to this new paper.
[Stiggers] The Michael Moore Of The Ghetto
The Bootleg Low Power Television Network presents "Wee Hour Conversations by the Stove in Grandma Pookie's Kitchen with Ghetto Economist Pookie Peterz."
[Greggs] Like Bourbon For Chocolate
Last week, after spying the ever-growing acreage of my cat's butt, I begrudgingly headed to the store to buy her diet food for the first time. I felt badly about it. Mainly because I would think one of the perks of being a cat is the fact you never have to diet. That and naps being two of the things that make up for the daily indignity of crawling into a box of your own crap.
[Stiggers] Stayin' Alive
Here's a brief pre-holiday message from Pork-N-Piggly CEO and former third-string NFL football star Ernest "Monday Night Football Head" Walker: "An inflated economy has produced a depressed nation of price-gouged poor people already in debt before Christmas. Family gatherings will be sparse this year because children and grandchildren cannot afford to go over the river and through the woods to grandmomma's house.
Born To Be A Thug
A couple weeks back, culture czar Bill Bennett said crime would go down if all black babies were aborted. A couple months back, a business publication editor in Brandon said that the inner city is breeding young criminals. A couple years back, a city councilman told a group of North Jackson adults that "young tigers" are roaming our streets, looking to hurt us.
[Stiggers] Float On, Find Love
It's time for those interesting profiles from Float On Personals, brought to you by the law office of Cootie McBride and the L.M.H.F.D. National Bank.
[Greggs] Hear Me Roar
The other day I was reading a news brief about Heidi Fleiss opening the first all-male brothel in Nevada. It has all the other cathouse owners in the state, the owners of the regular brothels, in high dungeon. They complain she is drawing attention to the sex trade in Nevada. They've obviously been trying to hide the fact that they operate whorehouses from the religious population and don't want her sashaying in and "causing problems."
Take the Time to Do It Right
Last Sunday two Clarion-Ledger columnists expressed dismay at Mayor Frank Melton's string of public proclamations that turned out to be more hype than good, legal policy—telling city board members to resign, saying he would close the Maple Street apartments without regard to the rights of owners or the tenants, declaring he would demolish the King Edward in 30 days.
[Berger] Merle Haggard, Redneck Renegade
Why don't we liberate these United States
Bennett And His Black Boys
"If you wanted to reduce crime, you could—if that were your sole purpose—you could abort every black baby in this country and your crime rate would go down." No, that quote did not loom anonymously on some racist Web site, nor did some bigot boom it at a Council of Conservative Citizens rally. A former member of Ronald Reagan's Cabinet—his Secretary of Education, in fact—uttered it on the public's radio airwaves.
[Greggs] Just Not Paying Attention
Most of the time when I'm driving home from work, I'm diligently thinking about something like how cool I would look wearing a cowboy hat while dancing on the hood of my car. I will also admit to daydreaming about Colin Farrell, but only when there's no one around to see my look of rapture.
[Stiggers] Scary Nation
I'm Boneqweesha Jones on the scene at Jo-Jo's Discount Dollar Store during his Scary Nation: Trick or Treat Halloween Costume Sale. He has an interesting selection of spooky/non-traditional costumes at discount prices.
[Stiggers] Oui, Oui-ing On Poor Folk
Ghetto Science Public Television presents the Boneqweesha and Momma Church Hat News Hour. Boneqweesha: "Greetings! Momma Church Hat kicks off the News Hour with a special report on the riots in Paris, France."