Ellington

Most of the time when I'm driving home from work, I'm diligently thinking about something like how cool I would look wearing a cowboy hat while dancing on the hood of my car. I will also admit to daydreaming about Colin Farrell, but only when there's no one around to see my look of rapture.

Sometimes, these daydreams cause me to be paying a little less attention to the road than I need to be. If I were an honest woman, I'd tell you on some days I get in the car after work and the next conscious thought I have, beyond planning my outfit in the event I attend the Oscars next year with Zach Braff, is the fact that I need to get the mail before I go inside.

This causes me to be extremely forgiving to people when they do something idiotic and use as their only excuse, "Sorry, I just wasn't paying attention." I can understand that. I think I spent all of 1998 not paying attention. It's the only way to explain my hair and my boyfriend for that year.

On most days, not paying attention only causes a few broken eggs and maybe a bad attack of capri pants. Unfortunately, lack of attention can also have national and global consequences. For example, if more people had paid attention to what the Bush administration was doing a couple of years ago, we might not be up to our ears in a costly, unnecessary war right now.

But there are times when I get involved in situations where I find it deplorable for people to say, "Hey, I just wasn't paying attention."

Two weeks ago I received an e-mail from a 19-year-old boy living in a tent in the woods behind a restaurant on Highway 463 in Madison. Michael had been living there for about a month. Now and then, he visited the Madison County Public Library for a break from the stifling heat.

When Michael e-mailed me, he didn't ask for food or money. After finding my address among those of local social workers, he wondered if I could assist him in collecting the necessary paperwork for his entrance into Job Corps.

I e-mailed with Michael for over a week before he informed me where he was living and how long he'd been there. He invited me to his tent. I found myself at the end of a cul-de-sac on a brand-new street in Madison that has been put in place for a neighborhood that has yet to be built. Michael was pretty wary of people in general, so I honked and screamed his name to get his attention. After a couple of minutes, a dirty, very young-looking individual came stumbling out of the woods.

I gave him the food I had packed for him and spoke with him a bit. After a few minutes, he retreated to his campsite, and I drove home. I returned later with a few more supplies for him and some battle plans for the next day. In the morning, I was able to get him into a shelter for the day so he could bathe and wash his clothes. By 6 p.m. I had spoken with his mother and sister in Virginia, and he was on a bus headed home. This took approximately four hours and required no out-of-pocket cash.

In the short time I spent with Michael, he told me that many people in the community knew he was living in the tent. He was camping out 200 yards from the restaurant where he worked. He said he was fired due to the risk he posed to his employer's health rating. No bath, no job. They gave him $100 and a pat on the back. He bought the four-man tent with his last paycheck.

Every morning when he climbed out of his tent, he faced Sunnybrook Estates and watched cars stream in and out of the street perpendicular to his cul-de-sac. No one ever offered him any assistance. No one checked up on him. No one questioned a boy on a bike riding back into those woods every night around dusk.

I desperately hope those who ignored Michael's dire circumstances have good excuses. In his case, it took only a little time and concern to help lift him out of miserable situation.

We all daydream. We all allow ourselves to become wrapped up in our own lives to a ridiculous degree. But is there ever an excuse for not offering to help someone who's in obvious need?

By the way, if you want Zach, then you better have one hot-ass outfit for the Oscars and a nice left hook. I ain't goin' down easy.

Ali Greggs is a new regular columnist for the JFP.

Previous Comments

ID

70238

Comment

Out of curiousity, Are you the Ali from Planet Weekly? And, if so, is that publication still in existence? I noticed their website appeared to be down the other day.

Author

millhouse

Date

2005-07-14T10:05:11-06:00

ID

70239

Comment

Millhouse, the Planet Weekly has suspended publication. Ali did come from the PW; I admire her work there, and when I heard that all the staff had been let go, I promptly contacted her about writing a column for us. Trey Mangum will also be joining the JFP columnist roster. We are thrilled to have them both on boardóexcellent writers with good hearts.

Author

DonnaLadd

Date

2005-07-14T10:13:52-06:00

ID

70240

Comment

Wow....sad to hear that the entire staff was let go. I had noticed that the website was overrun with spam and had been wondering what the deal was for a while now. Thanks for the info.

Author

millhouse

Date

2005-07-14T10:34:47-06:00

ID

70241

Comment

I noticed a new website for theplanetweekly.com when looking for Planet Weakly. Turns out "THE Planet Weekly" is a publication for west Alabama out of Tuscaloosa. Wonder if that had anything to do with Planet Weakly going down?

Author

Johann

Date

2005-07-14T11:35:41-06:00

ID

70242

Comment

You mean because of a trademark issue? No. Local publications can have the same name as a publication in another local area. What they cannot do is use the same name as a national publication. So I don't see a relation on this front. Some other local papers share names, as long as their readership does not overlap. For instance, we could not name ourselves Time magazine. That would be a problem. ;-)

Author

DonnaLadd

Date

2005-07-14T11:45:41-06:00

ID

70243

Comment

ok How about just "Tim"?

Author

Johann

Date

2005-07-14T12:06:47-06:00

ID

70244

Comment

The article does not detail how this young man found himself in such a predicament. I do not readily object to anyone having helped this young man, but given the dangerous times we all live in, what the author of this article did, at that very least, was brave. As for the residents of Sunnybrook Estates, they should have at least alerted the authorities!

Author

K RHODES

Date

2005-07-14T13:33:51-06:00

ID

70245

Comment

I have clearance from Michael to talk about him, so I will tell you how he came to be there. Michael's mother had some "issues" namely alcohol and abusive husbands. At seventeen Michael couldn't take it and met a family on the internet that offered him a home in Mississippi. He was originally from VA. He came here and lived with him for a little over a year before they could no longer care for him. He attempted to find housing for a while, but no one could take him and he had no money. He thought the best bet was the buy the tent and "go it alone" for a while. I found him a month later. I am the Ali from the Planet. I am now the Ali from the JFP. What I did wasn't brave. I researched this kid before I went out there to make sure the situation was genuine. I did not go alone, and I went during the daytime. Most homeless kids don't own semi-automatic weapons. At least the ones that I have dealt with...and that's been quite a few. I think the idea that people who have no homes are "dangerous" is almost ridiculous (I am not saying you are, I just have more experience in the area so our viewpoint won't be the same). They DO have a higher percentage of mental illnesses, but you must remember that most people that do not have a home NOW...did USED to have a home at some point. No one was born on the street. What if you lost your job tomorrow and became homeless? Would you necessarily be any more dangerous than you are now? Should we not help you because we are frightened? Hell, we are "helping" lots of people in Iraq and they ARE scary. Michael didn't have a bomb strapped to him. I believe there are a LOT of people in this case that should have "at least" done something. The truth is...most of the time we don't. I add myself into that category. Other than that...I would like to add that I talked to Michael today and he is now employed and living with his sister in VA. YEAH! See, I was nice and EVERYTHING? Who says I can't be sweet. I didn't say ONE cussword. I would like to lodge my formal complaint NOW that there is no cursing on here. I almost don't know how to SPEAK.

Author

Lori G

Date

2005-07-14T15:47:14-06:00

ID

70246

Comment

I like the sounds of "Ali from the JFP." ;-) Welcome aboard. And we'll let you cuss a little; you'll love the schrizophrenic internal censor the blog has, though. It always gets the shorted version of Richard, for instance. ;-D Nice column, too. Lynette cried when she edited it. I'm very happy that things are working out for Michael. But the story does remind me of that sociology case study we all studied, about the woman getting stabbed repeatedly in some neighborhood while she kept screaming, but no one came to her aid. As a social worker, I'm sure you know more about it than I do. The point, of course, is whether or not we're paying attention.

Author

DonnaLadd

Date

2005-07-14T17:48:42-06:00

ID

70247

Comment

ALI GREGGS LIVES :P Glad to see you back girlfriend.

Author

emilyb

Date

2005-07-17T13:25:30-06:00

ID

70248

Comment

I know from personal experience the full situation of this young man. He was not in a good situation, that much I will grant to the author of this article. What was omitted from the article, whether the Author was aware of the details or not, is the simple fact that the subject spent months living with the Madison family without contributing. He ate their food, used their utilities and still refused to get a job until the family finally said "Enough!" Even after moving out he would return to their house seeking handouts that they didn't have to be able to give him. The family was barely making ends meet as it was. To be honest, the Author shouldn't condemn those that knew his plight before she has the full story from every point of view. The subject does do his best to be sure that his side of the story looks sypathetic and that nothing is ever said to make him appear less than sympathetic. Several that I know, who know the family that he had been staying with, could not allocate any more resources to the subject of this articl. Yes, Many people helped him. What he probably didn't tell the reporter was that the restaurant he had last worked at did offer to make sure he had something to eat. This of course didn't last long. It couldn't with him taking them up on their hospitality, as he ahd with the family, and then showing no grattitude for the help he was getting. I commend Ali for Helping him, but I can't help but feel she was duped as so many others have been by his version of events.

Author

MAB

Date

2005-07-17T22:01:58-06:00

ID

70249

Comment

MAB, I'm a bit puzzled by your post. I think Ali's column was focused on the community that knew he was there -- was it impossible for that Madison family to get other families to pitch in to help, to find his family, so on? My point is: I'm confused about why the full responsibility fell on one family to help a kid living in a tent. I don't think anyone will say that the responsibility should fall on any one family. The point of her piece was that so few people paid attention to a troubled kid who was homeless in their community for a period. Your post seems to support her conclusion. Beyond that, I'll let Ali respond.

Author

DonnaLadd

Date

2005-07-17T22:10:01-06:00

ID

70250

Comment

In the Madison Family's close circle of friends and associates, those who knew his plight were also aware of how little he had strived to help alleviate the burden his presence placed on the family. Many of their friends and associates are also living paycheck as the family is and cannot afford to stretch their resources any thinner. Ali did state she didn't spend any money to help him. What about the expense of the gas it takes to take him down to the shelter? What about the long distance call to his mother? Those are expenses that can be ill afforded on tight budgets. Yes I agree that we as a society should care more about our fellow man, but I draw the line at condemning others for their inaction without knowing their situation and reasons.

Author

MAB

Date

2005-07-17T23:02:35-06:00

ID

70251

Comment

I'm still not seeing your point. Ali wasn't going after one particular family for not doing enough. Don't read in an attack that's not there. As for the expenses ... perhaps no one in that neighborhood has a cell phone, on which most long-distance calls are free these days. Again, I don't know the details -- I'll defer to Ali. I'm sure she'll see your comments at some point and have something to say.

Author

DonnaLadd

Date

2005-07-18T02:38:48-06:00

ID

70252

Comment

I never condemned the family he lived with. I know from him he lived there for over a year and they let him do so. To me, that was commendable. I can understand being at a point where you are no longer able to help someone financially. Especially when this person is not a member of your family. I also know his employer provided him with food for a while after he was fired. But they DID fire him, and they DID know he was living out there. Them giving him a burrito every day doesn't negate this. How about you TELL somebody? Why doesn't someone pick up the telephone and call a shelter? THAT doesn't take long. You want a free call? Call the police. Believe it or not, they also are supposed to help in situations like this. I am a social worker, I work at a nonprofit, I understand tight budgets. The never made a "long distance call" to his mother. I gave him a computer, he IM'd his sister, she called his mother, then she called me on my phone. The gas? Hell, I'll give you that one. I've gotta put premium in my gas sucking little german car. But, if you are going to base your argument on the price of gas, I think you are missing the forrest for the trees. This article isn't about Michael's individual plight. It is a symptom of a larger disease. You can tell yourself whatever you want. You can say that he "used" too much, that he "took" too much....you can tell yourself that. I'm not condemning the singular family, I feel they did more than the average person. The point of this article was to say there were many more people involved in this situation who didn't do anything. They didn't even make a local call to the police to tell someone about him illegally living on private property. I can understand your anger if you feel that you knew about this situation and feel like it was presented in the exact way that you wish for it to be presented. But, I'm not gonna wipe your ass and spoon feed you breakfast. I'm not here to do that. I'm here to tell you MY story with Michael. In my opinon there were many people that did things to help him...but at some point...everyone abandoned him. Everyone turned away and just said, "Well, that'll work itself out." THAT is a problem. That is what this article is about. When the lights are turned on in a room, there is no point in explicating the inner workings of the switch.

Author

Lori G

Date

2005-07-18T06:31:52-06:00

ID

70253

Comment

I have clearance from Michael to talk about him, so I will tell you how he came to be there. Michael's mother had some "issues" namely alcohol and abusive husbands. At seventeen Michael couldn't take it and met a family on the internet that offered him a home in Mississippi. He was originally from VA. He came here and lived with him for a little over a year before they could no longer care for him. He attempted to find housing for a while, but no one could take him and he had no money. I would like to point out that I posted this earlier under the column. There is no attack there. As far as I can tell, that backs up what you think..."they helped him for a little over a year before they could no longer care for him". I didn't focus my column on this family for the very reason that they did something wonderful. I focused my column on the many people in the community who did not. I just wanted to clarify that one point.

Author

Lori G

Date

2005-07-18T08:22:29-06:00

ID

70254

Comment

Sounds to me like you did exactly the right thing. Generally whenever anyone does something really noble and risky in public, at least a few people in the peanut gallery will make a point of saying something to the effect of "Don't you dare think this makes you a better person; and philosophically, I have problems with what you did." Proof that everybody has a conscience they have to smother. I profiled your other JFP article on my blog, thought "Hmmm... Where have I seen that name before...," so I got Mr. Google to show me this article along with a slew of other really great articles you did for PW. And my first reaction? Envy. Uncontrollable envy. I've done 22 books and I'll never write this well. Rock on! Cheers, TH

Author

Tom Head

Date

2005-07-29T01:57:18-06:00

ID

70255

Comment

In discussing this Article amongst those who knew the family and knew of Michael's plight, one line of questioning is constantly brought up. Why should the burden of finding Michael a new place to stay fall on the family or the friends of the family? Why is the responsibility for Michael supposed to fall on the shoulders of others? What happened to personal responsibility? Why didn't Michael find himself a place to live? -From what the family has told me he didn't even pick up the Newspaper that they got daily to look in the want ads for roomates or rooms for rent.- Why didn't he ask someone at the library where he went to catch a "break from the stifling heat"? He passed by a coin laundry everyday on the way to the library, Why didn't he use some of the money he had in his pocket to wash his clothes? -My sources tell me he had some money sent him by a compassionate soul. I don't disagree with the point that we need to pay more attention to the world around us, but like many others who knew the whole situation I feel that a major part of the problem of this particular young man is a lack of personal responsibility. Unfortunately he is not alone in this. There are many in his generation who feel that they are owed a free ride because they had... to quote a line from "Annie"... a hard knock life. No one gets a free ride in this day and age. We all have to deal with what we are handed in life. As for Ali's uncalled for comment: "I'm not gonna wipe your ass and spoon feed you breakfast." She obviously doesn't know me as I don't ask anyone to do those things for me. She helped the only person I have met that expected others to do that for them. To clarify my points... I will grant there is a systemic problem in society where Most only care about what is in it for them. Society is entirely too "ME" driven. But before you expect others to take on responsibility for those who have fallen between the cracks, those who fell there should also show effort to take responsibility for themselves. -Don't say Michael did because if he had, he would have looked for a job the moment he lost his job in February. Instead he played on the computer all hours of the day and night. He waited until the Family said 'Enough!' Even then he only went to look for a job when the Mother in the family made him get up and Drove him around to every place hiring in town, using gas she could ill afford to waste on someone who would quit putting in applications after only one or two. If he had shown Personal Responsibility, he would have walked to everyplace in February (Madison is a rapidly growing town and they are hiring almost everywhere) and put in applications instead of waiting for someone else to do all the leg work for him.

Author

MAB

Date

2005-07-29T02:19:44-06:00

ID

70256

Comment

MAB writes: "Why should the burden of finding Michael a new place to stay fall on the family or the friends of the family? Why is the responsibility for Michael supposed to fall on the shoulders of others?" Why does the responsibility for MAB fall on the shoulders of others? Why does the responsibility for Tom Head fall on the shoulders of others? The rich and the privileged like to talk about "personal responsibility," which is another word for the use of power. They get this power because--and only because--they have been granted this power by others. Folks who don't have power, or don't know how to use it, are not so fortunate. But don't kid yourself--you are not pulling yourself up by your own bootstraps. Nobody on this planet ever does. We are all more or less in Michael's position. We're born mostly helpless, we live mostly helpless, we die mostly helpless. Personal responsibility has mainly to do with how we treat others while we're in that mostly helpless state. I buy into capitalism as an economic system, but its one cardinal sin is that it blinds people to their dependence on others. We are all either carrying our crosses or having our crosses carried for us by others. Some of us are made comfortable enough to forget that. Most of us, on this hopeless planet, are not. Cheers, TH

Author

Tom Head

Date

2005-07-29T02:54:01-06:00

ID

70257

Comment

MAB-if you think Michael is the only person you have ever met that wasn't willing to do something for themselves, you are wrong. Most of the time people don't know HOW to help themselves. You keep bringing up that I am blaming the family, I don't know how many times I have to say that I AM NOT BLAMING THE FAMILY. But, I think as Tom pointed out, you are looking at this in the wrong way. Why are YOU so angry about this? (other than me saying "wipe your ass" because if you think that's ME being "uncalled for"-stick around...it could get fun) Do you think you might be angry because you see yourself as a loving, giving, Christian person...and my comments are challenging your self-definition? If you want to blame Michael, blame Michael. I'm not going to change your mind. I also didn't say that Michael was an angel. What I'm trying to get YOU to see by this column is the fact that maybe the way you THINK about Michael and others in his plight is wrong. Maybe your whole THOUGHT PROCESS around "charity" is wrong. Who told you somebody only deserved something if they worked for it? Was it the lovely indoctrination by the "American Ideal" what you have been under since birth? Tom-thanks for the compliment. I appreciate that. Hopefully I'll continue to produce things that live up to this. :) The Evil One says I will, but only if I sacrifice a dead nutria at the half moon while dancing naked to ABBA and chanting "Death to all Republicans."

Author

Lori G

Date

2005-07-29T06:36:09-06:00

ID

70258

Comment

MAB, Ali is Right. She. Did. Not. Blame. The. Family. Her column wasn't about the family. You need to start reading what she wrote before going on the attack. And I, frankly, think your comments are making her original point very well. Lord help me, I don't know where I would be if I hadn't had all sorts of help from people outside my family throughout my life, including now. We all need help. We all do stupid things. We all screw up. The point of Ali's column was dead onósociety too often turns its head on people in need, especially those that certain people do not deem perfect. It's the imperfect peopleówhich includes every single one of usówho needs the help. I think you'll find something about this in the King James version, in addition to teachings of all the major spiritual leaders. Otherwise, I agree with Tom: Ali is a wonderful writer and thinker, and was the bright spot at the Planet Weekly. We are thrilled that she is now part of the JFP team. And keep an eye out, Trey Mangum (another bright spot from the PW) will be surfacing here very shortly. I hate that the owner cleaned house over there as he did, but we are more than happy to pick up the great talent they didn't recognize for what it was. I look forward to more of Ali's pricks (at consciousness, of course). ;-)

Author

DonnaLadd

Date

2005-07-29T08:18:41-06:00

ID

70259

Comment

*Very funny insult snipped.* (I COMPLETELY understand if you have to take that down...but, it was BEATING THE INSIDE OF MY BRAIN OUT after I read your comment...and I felt the need to share the love)

Author

Lori G

Date

2005-07-29T11:52:52-06:00

ID

70260

Comment

You're right, Ali, I am going to have to snip that one because that is an ad hominem road we cannot go down. I will be laughing all the way to the delete button, however. ;-)

Author

DonnaLadd

Date

2005-07-29T12:09:34-06:00

ID

70261

Comment

On the note that you brought up, however, Ali, have you seen all the research about the objectification of women's bodies in the mediaólike them being cut into pieces in fashion spreads and advertising to emphasize the sexy parts? There is a lot of research going on out there about how presenting women this way in photographs causes eating disorders, low self-esteem issues, etc. I saw a great documentary on this. And when you start watching and notice how many times women (and often teen girls) are cut up in photo spreads to show just certain parts, and with looks of sexual pleasure on their faces, you start to get the point. Here's an article in the Christian Science Monitor about the problem. And I know this is way off-thread. I should go start a forum about it. In fact, I just did, so go here to discuss this issue.

Author

DonnaLadd

Date

2005-07-29T12:36:05-06:00

ID

70262

Comment

Ali writes: The Evil One says I will, but only if I sacrifice a dead nutria at the half moon while dancing naked to ABBA and chanting "Death to all Republicans." So that was you at Shoney's last week! Sorry about the police officers--jeez, some people just don't have a sense of humor. (BTW- Mind e-mailing me the Forbidden Diss? I get the feeling I'm missing something good...) Cheers, TH

Author

Tom Head

Date

2005-07-29T18:10:02-06:00

ID

70263

Comment

Although you think you have won and your statements have stayed my Keyboard you are wrong. As for you statement about "Personal Responsibility" being the warcry of the "rich and the privileged", you are mistaken there as well. I first learned the term at the foot of two people Highly respected in their community just outside of Nashville, Tennessee; one was an Elementary School Principal and the other a Postal Employee. Now I don't know how much you know about how poorly educators in the public school system are paid or how poorly Postal employees are paid for that matter... but neither are what I would call "rich and the privileged". Salt of the earth would be more like it. Then again a Retired restaurant owner I was raised around also used that term. Now what you think it means and what I know it to mean are most likely two different things. I was raised to know it to mean that NO ONE is going to wipe your backside fo you. That in this life there are things you will have to do for yourself. You can't expect handouts just because you decided to take a breath today. As for Ali's condemnation of those who knew the situation and did nothing. Do you condemn me as well since I knew of his plight but was unable to help? If your answer to that is yes, then please make up your mind as to whether you condemn me or not as you are constantly telling the readers that you don't condemn the family. Do you condemn my friends who were also unable to help as most are living paycheck to paycheck? What I feel you are all blind to is that a blanket statement engulfs even those you think you are exempting from the statement. You cannot say that you condemn those who knew of Michael's Plight (which logically includes the family if they asked him to leave) and then say that you don't condemn them. You need to decide which is it. I don't feel I would have been as offended by your article if you had not made such a sweeping condemnation of those who knew and did nothing. Some who knew, myself included had offered to take him to the shelter in Jackson. From the day he knew he had to leave, that offer was on the table and refused and returned to the table and again refused. He told me when he was asked to leave that he didn't want his mother contacted. Each time he came by the house, never once did he ask to use my phone or cell to call his mother. It was let me do my laundry, do you have any food, have you got any money I can borrow (always with a promise to pay it back - which considering that he didn't pay what he had agreed to while he was here to help cover his toll on food and utilities I wasn't about to add to the tab) Now for those who say I am looking at this all wrong, you have not bothered to see what I am truly saying. Yes, I will concede as Most Americans go, we walk around with blinders on and not paying attention to the world around us. That is a big part of the reason why things are so screwed up at the moment. Oh and Ali... it is Dangerous to make assumptions. You assume alot about me. First off you have both my politcal and Religious affiliations wrong. Because if you ask the Republican Party and their leader "Dubyah" I don't exist! If you care to do the research I believe his quote started out.... "there is No such thing as a ......" As for my view of charity... I don't feel I am wrong. Charity is helping of others less fortunate, giving them the shirt off you back if it is of more value to them than you. Clearing away the soil that has washed over a bike path to make it safer for people to ride their bike or rollerskate without that hazard there. Cleaning up a State park so that it is there for others to enjoy; and NOT asking for a wooden Nickel or recognition for any of the work you have done. As I said you know Nothing of me... I am the Mother in the Family that opened her Home to Michael for nearly 14 months with over half of that time he lived here without helping alleviate the expense of the extra mouth to feed not to mention the utilites and the gas to drive him over to friends houses so he could play games. I am a Brother in the National Co-Ed Service Fraterinity Alpha Phi Omega, Psi Omega Chapter out of Orlando, FL. I am a Writer. I am the Daughter of two Teachers, so I barely lived a middle class childhood. My Grandparents were the ones that taught me "Personal Responsibility" and "Honor".

Author

MAB

Date

2006-05-01T01:35:29-06:00

ID

70264

Comment

I know that we all depend on those around us to help cover our needs... to help us carry the burdens we bear, but we also bear the responsiblity of ourselfs and our actions. You cannot blame anyone but Michael for the choices he made. He chose to pitch a tent in the woods over being taken to the shelter. He chose to play on the pity of others. He chose to trust people he didn't know to send his things to him. He had asked me to go out to the area he had stayed after he left here to check for some items. When I got there, they were gone and in a call last night from him, he told me that he still hasn't recieved them. You can stroke Ali's Ego if you chose and you can make assumptions about me, but in doing so you are no better than those elitist that you appear to despise. I responded to make certain the voices of others that knew and did nothing for their respective reasons were represented. I don't agree with those that simply turned a blind eye because they couldnt be bothered, but One cannot condemn all who knew as some had legitimate reasons for not interceding. One who knew of the situation lives in Arizona, would you condemn her or her family? One who knew was a good friend of Mike's who lives in Ohio, would you condemn him for not interceding on Mike's behalf? Do you see my point Yet? simply put in simple terms that all of you should be able to grasp.... Don't make Blanket Statements and assumptions. You can't say with any certainty that anyone saw him. Yes there were people who knew he was there... some of them were his co-workers at that restaurant most lived with their parents and couldn't drive yet themselves. Some knew about his situation but were in not position to extend themselves any further for him... Like his friends and the family he had stayed with. I can't speak for all that knew his situation, but likewise neither should you condemn them for not acting to correct the problem. Yes Open their eyes, have them see that their actions have reprecussions outside their own little world. That their actions... or in this case inaction... have reprecussions not only in our local community, but also in the state, national and global communities as well. But as the old adage says... "You draw more flies with honey." or in Simple terms that even you might comprehend... putting people down because they didn't act the way you feel they should will not get you the result you want. But as a writer you should already know that.

Author

MAB

Date

2006-05-01T01:35:53-06:00

ID

70265

Comment

You're a brother and a daughter and a mother? I have no idea what you're talking here. And where have you been for nearly a year? Writing this treatise? I don't know if it's clear to you, MAB, but Ali is entitled to her opinion about this situation, and she's qualified to have an opinion on it. And, honey may draw a lot of flies -- but it doesn't always get the hungry fed.

Author

DonnaLadd

Date

2006-05-01T15:15:49-06:00

ID

70266

Comment

And in the words of Bill Murray: "Who. Wants. Flies?" Cheers, TH

Author

Tom Head

Date

2006-05-01T15:19:41-06:00

ID

70267

Comment

Yes, I am a Daughter... I am a Brother... and I am a Mother... a concept completely lost on the narrow minded. As for where I have been for nearly a year, it had nothing to do with that treatise, as you call it. I had to do with something far more important than those who assume much and know little such as those I have found here. You may have heard of it... Katrina? True how I was affected was no where near as bad as some of my friends and associates on the coast, but when helping others takes precidence over the time on the computer you kinda let things like responded to people who can't see for their own blinders go on believing that they are the only ones right, when they aren't. As for Ali having a right to her own opinion, I have never said she didn't nor have I implied it. I have taken a stance about her forming her opinions on only a small portion of the information that was readily available if she had bothered to pick up a phone. Yes Honey draws flies, as the old saying goes, but if you actually knew how to think beyond the surface of the words you would know what it means. Since that is a skill that is apparently lacking in your upbringing and education let me explain it to you. When you belittle someone, "put them down" would be the more simplistic phrase, they are less likely to do what you want. No one likes feeling bad about themselves of their actions. Now if you encourage others to step in, doing so in a positive manner you are more aptly going to "Rally the Troops". Hence the statement "you draw more flies with honey." Ecouragement, positive reinforcement are equated to the Honey. Condemnation would be equated to something like Vinegar or Ipicac. Don't know about you but I would be more willing to swallow the Honey over the Vinegar anyday. Try it with two people you want to Motivate to do something. Tell one you don't believe in them and that they will never make it. Tell the other that you do believe in them and that they can do it. See which one flies first and goes further. If it is the one you fill with Negetivity, then they are only doing it out of spite and will hit a road block and flounder at somepoint down that very lonely road. If it is the one you show love and encouragement to you will not only see that they flourish, but those around them do as well. Love and Encouragement breed love and encouragement, as do negativity and violence. Which do you want to be remembered for spreading?

Author

MAB

Date

2006-05-02T08:32:51-06:00

ID

70268

Comment

MAB-I'm going to say this once....so listen real hard over all the bees and flies and honey you got going on up there.... This was a year ago. I would say "let it go". I'm not saying anything bad about your family, I actually think that was stated WAY up there somewhere on this thread. I commended you for the things you did. I happened to walk into the situation right when Michael decided he needed some help. I'm more saying that people should be aware, should pay attention, and should be there when people decide they are going to step up to the plate. I don't know if reading comprehension was a skill that was lacking in your upbringing and education, but just in case it was, let me explain it to you. I NEVER SAID ANYTHING BAD ABOUT YOUR FAMILY. Now, please, look beyond the "surface" of those words and tell me how it says "You suck and did nothing to help Michael."

Author

Lori G

Date

2006-05-02T09:55:23-06:00

ID

70269

Comment

I am a Brother... and I am a Mother... a concept completely lost on the narrow minded. No, just on the non-Greek. ;-) MAB, you seem awfully hypocritical with all your talk of honey attracting flies. As Ali says, do the honor of actually reading what was written a year ago before flying off on a defensive tirade. Does it really bother you so that people like Ali are worried about the poor who need help? It's not all about you.

Author

DonnaLadd

Date

2006-05-02T11:35:17-06:00

ID

70270

Comment

It is funny that you two still assume that I have not read the original article. So how about you take your own blinders off about your own words and actually read what I am saying... I will simpilify if for you. 1) I have READ and REREAD the orginal article several times. 2) My comprehension of what was said is only in question by those who are unable to see outside of their own view. (My comprehension tested out at 100% every time it has been tested... in excess of 500 times. so that is not the problem) 3) Blanket Statements such as this one from the article do imply what I originally too issue with: "I desperately hope those who ignored Michael’s dire circumstances have good excuses." As the Family did know of his circumstances it implies that they too mush have a good Excuse. 4) Since you did not do more than skim the response in which I said this... I will say it again.... "you are constantly telling the readers that you don't condemn the family." And your insistance on using capslock to "drive your point home" only brings to mind a Shakepearian quote "The Lady doth Protest too much, methinks." 5) Alpha Phi Omega is a Co-ed Service Fraternity... I became a brother because I believe in helping others. I have NEVER taken issue with trying to get others to help only with certain assertions made. but then again the responses from others proves that my statements were little more than skimmed at best. Without your realizing, I have proved my point as well. I condemned you for your assumptions. I condemned you for refusing to see the point of another. I condemned you for being so blinded to the words of others so as not to see the subtleties in what they say. Know that I am not the only one who sees that you refuse to take your own blinders off. You have an underlying message with the article that we should walk in another's shoes. Ask ourselves if we would want to be in Michael's shoes and have no one help us. Maybe it is not just Michael's untied oversized shoes you should be trying to walk a mile in Ali, or you Ladd. I have never said that your stance that we should take our blinders off is wrong. I took issue with only one statement in your article and you all turned it into a personal attack on me, and that is not my assesment. That is the assessment of someone in Europe who read the article when Michael was brought up in conversation. For the Record, I am still in contact with Michael and know he has seen it as well. Our discussions of the article are private and will remain so, but suffice it to say Michael has become acutely aware of the meaning of one of the Lines in Rudyard Kipling's poem "IF"... Though I no longer have to define "Knave" for him.

Author

MAB

Date

2006-05-03T11:43:13-06:00

ID

70271

Comment

"The Lady doth Protest too much, methinks." ---same here, lady. If you know you did everything in the world, and you have consistently remained nameless thru this entire ordeal while I have done nothing but write comments saying I never blamed you, will never blame you, and commended you for what you did for Michael, then WHY... DEAR GOD, WHY...are you still on here trying to "drive a point home"? I told Michael about the article before I wrote it. I asked his permission before I even began. So, please, this was MY interpretation of this event. One that I see happen over and over again in social services. This is NOT ABOUT YOUR FAMILY...this is about people NOT PAYING ATTENTION. I'm out on the rest of this thread. Its like beating my head against a wall. Oh, and one more thing THIS statement: I desperately hope those who ignored Michael’s dire circumstances have good excuses... ...was in reference to the few hundred people that were driving past his tent every day. Not yours. YOU made it about you. I did not.

Author

Lori G

Date

2006-05-03T11:56:20-06:00

ID

70272

Comment

Okay, one more thing. I think that essentially we are probably for the same things. I mean, I know what you are saying...that I shouldn't "condemn" people for doing nothing without knowing the reason WHY they were doing "nothing". But I also know that not a lot gets done in this world if you don't point out the disparity between people's perceptions and the reality of most situations. Now, I've been fairly virulent on this thread because 1) I'm in a pissy mood and I think that we are just shouting above one another...and 2) to tell you the truth....this is OLD bullshit...and I've got some current NEW bullshit in my life that really deserves more attention than this. As I'm sure you do as well.

Author

Lori G

Date

2006-05-03T12:18:19-06:00

ID

70273

Comment

I'm obviously not sticking to my word today. ONE MORE THING... I just emailed Michael and asked him about you. He said you were a FRIEND of the family and not actually IN the family, that you were offended by being "written about" and that you told him you called and spoke with me. Now, two of those are patentedly not true and I need to know what is going on here. So, please explain to me why you are not actually a MEMBER of the family and you have something to say about me writing about "you", when that could not possibly have occured. AND, please tell me why you lied to Michael and said that you had spoken with me.

Author

Lori G

Date

2006-05-03T13:02:19-06:00

ID

70274

Comment

'Most of the time people don't know HOW to help themselves." AMEN!!!!!

Author

trusip

Date

2006-05-03T14:05:11-06:00

ID

70275

Comment

I don't think Michael knew who you were talking about when you spoke with him. I am the Mother of the family that helped Michael. I am staunchly protective of my Friends and have taken issue with the blanket condemnation as it condemned them as well. As for calling you. I never told Michael that. I have called and spoken with him, and that may be where the confusion has arisen. He is a Friend of mine. I am not a part of his family and that may be where you have gotten confused on that point. My family is the one that took him in and housed him for 14months. And this is the first I have heard wind of us speaking other than through this Medium here. Yes we do agree on some essential points, though we are shouting from different sides of the playing field. It is possible that neither are hearing the other fully for that fact. I have no doubt that you have other issues on the front burner, as do I. But this was something that should have been clarified along time ago.

Author

MAB

Date

2006-05-12T10:48:52-06:00