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Family Night at the Senators

It's going to be one wild night of hits Friday, May 27, when the Jackson Convention & Visitors Bureau kicks off its summer tourism season at Smith-Wills Stadium. Free to the public, it all begins at 6 p.m. when the gates open and the family fun begins. There will be space jumps, obstacles courses, batting helmets for the first 500 kids, live animals from the Jackson Zoo and the Mississippi Museum of Natural Science, National Child I.D. Kits from the Metro Jackson Crime Stoppers Board, and loads of entertainment! Give-aways from members of the Metro Jackson Attractions Association, a co-sponsor of the event, will be announced after every inning. "Sue the T-Rex" will also make a special appearance, just weeks before the real "Sue" replica arrives for the summer exhibit at the Mississippi Museum of Natural Science on Saturday, June 18. Sue will be joined by Zany Zebra from the Jackson Zoo, which opens its new African Savannah exhibit the following day. The main event begins at 7:05 p.m., when the Jackson Senators play the Shreveport Sports.

War Of Words

The ground-breaking "Moneyball" caused as much furor among the sportswriters who cover baseball as it did among the men who make their living from baseball. Buzz Bissinger tries to refute "Moneyball" in his new book, "3 Nights In August." According to Slate's Josh Levin, Bissinger loses badly.

Phony Penis Raises Questions

Just when Doctor S thought he had seen it all in sports, along comes Onterrio Smith, the dope-smoking Minnesota Vikings running back. It seems Smith was detained at an airport recently when security found vials of white powder in his carry-on bag along with a prosthetic penis. Turns out the substance was dried, powdered urine for use in The Original Whizzinator. This package, which includes a pump and the aforementioned faux phallus, is used to defeat drug tests. Smith is a two-time loser under the NFL's drug policy. He was suspended for four games in 2004 after testing positive for smoking the tree. If he's caught again, he will be suspended for an entire season. Smith lamely claimed that the Whizzinator belonged to his "cousin." Uh huh. The kit is sold by Puck Technologies in Signal Hill, Calif., and if their Web site can be believed, this phony pee pee is changing lives all over America.

What's Right About Bud Lite?

Slate's Nicholas Thompson says baseball commissioner Bud Selig has gotten a bad rap and might turn out to be the man who saved major league baseball. MLB is so perverse that Thompson might be right.

No Mexico

While the humor-impaired NFL removed "gay" from its list of words that can't be printed on the back of one of its official jerseys, this week it added "Mexico" to that list, Outsports.com reports. A number of fans of Atlanta Falcons quarterback Michael Vick have attempted to order his Falcons No. 7 jersey with "Mexico" on the back because a lawsuit alleging Vick infected a woman with herpes refers to Vick with the alias "Ron Mexico." All of the jersey requests have been rejected, and anyone looking to order the personalized jersey is now met with: "The personalization entered cannot be accepted."

Attack Of The Soccer Robots ... Yawn

Scientists are working to build robots that can beat a team of humans in soccer. Soccer, schmoccer, let's see the tin men play baseball.

Cheers, y'all

A Texas legislator has filed a bill that would ban booty shaking by high school cheerleaders. He's missing the point, Slate's Bryan Curtis writes. Also: Why doesn't baseball have cheerleaders?

Live From Starkville

ESPN2 has announced that it's going to show Mississippi State's spring football game on April 9 at 1 p.m. The natural question is WHY? Doctor S knows: This is the only way ESPN can insure that it will televise an MSU victory in 2005.

Hoops Nation

The NCAA Men's Basketball Tournament starts on Thursday. This is one of those days when the mighty engine that is the American sputters considerably as workers focus their attention on college basketball. Eat your heart out, Euro soccer fan. Many of you are participating in pools, at the office or elsewhere. Haven't you learned by now that the people who follow college basketball all year never win this thing. The winner is always the person who uses some offbeat system like "I like the way the team's name sounds" or "I like their mascot better." Abandon hope all ye "experts." Meanwhile, Slate examines the most-hated teams in the tournament. Slate also trots out several reruns to trick you into thinking the online magazine cares about the tournament.

Rowdy Rebels

Doctor S has noticed a distinct trend in the Ole Miss football program the last couple of years. When David Cutcliffe was coach, it was the players who got arrested. Now that Ed Orgeron is the boss, it's the coaches who keep ending up in the hoosegow. Stay tuned.

The Death Of Spring Training

A former Texas Rangers beat writer laments the gentrification of baseball spring training.

Bars And The NFL

Have you ever wondered what's the real history of facemasks on football helmets? Well you should have.

National Hockey Leveraged Buyout

Daniel Gross has a plan for how the NHL can be saved. Daniel, why bother?

SEC Hoops Preview

Ole Miss and Mississippi State begin play in the SEC Tournament on Thursday. The Northeast Mississippi Daily Journal's Parrish Alfrord says the Rebels are a team plagued by inconsistency and a lack of toughness. Meanwhile, Gregg Ellis says that while the Bulldogs' play has been disappointing at times, their season hasn't been a disappointment.

Viva NASCAR!

NASCAR went deeper South than usual over the weekend, holding a Busch Series race in Mexico City. The race was hailed as a success (more than 90,000 fans showed up), Robert Weintraub reports, thanks in part to NASCAR handling details like extra security to keep its drivers from being kidnapped. But the crooks aren't the only people you have to worry about below the border. NASCAR told its competitors: "Be wary of persons representing themselves as Mexican police or other officials. This can prevent you from becoming a victim of harassment and mistreatment by Mexican law enforcement."

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