Ellington

Just when Doctor S thought he had seen it all in sports, along comes Onterrio Smith, the dope-smoking Minnesota Vikings running back. It seems Smith was detained at an airport recently when security found vials of white powder in his carry-on bag along with a prosthetic penis. Turns out the substance was dried, powdered urine for use in The Original Whizzinator. This package, which includes a pump and the aforementioned faux phallus, is used to defeat drug tests. Smith is a two-time loser under the NFL's drug policy. He was suspended for four games in 2004 after testing positive for smoking the tree. If he's caught again, he will be suspended for an entire season. Smith lamely claimed that the Whizzinator belonged to his "cousin." Uh huh. The kit is sold by Puck Technologies in Signal Hill, Calif., and if their Web site can be believed, this phony pee pee is changing lives all over America.