[Stiggers] Post-Saddam Clearance Sale!
Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein is in jail. So it's time for a sale! Pookie Peterz, your international hustler, has capitalized on other people's property, and he is coming to your city with the greatest sale of 2003. Since the recent fall and capture of the totalitarian Iraqi leader, Pookie and his Hustler's international retail experts have smuggled—oops, I mean acquired—several valuable items from the headquarters and palaces of the former Iraqi dictator.
[Stiggers] Afrocentric Ghost of Kwanzaa Present
"Terminator 2003: No More Token Minorities" is an exciting sci-fi-reality-docu-drama starring Gov. Arnold Swarzenegger as he attempts to terminate college prep courses in predominately minority schools. Michael Jackson makes a cameo appearance as convicted pedophile "Touchie Feelie."
[Ladd] Just As I Am
I was baptized when I was 13 in a Southern Baptist church in Neshoba County. I wasn't particularly spiritual; there was more anger and selfishness and confusion in my heart than love. I couldn't have been ready to live a godly life; I didn't know what it meant. I just walked down the aisle because everybody else was doing it.
[Spann] That's All I Want for Christmas, Santa
That time is finally here. For months, I've patiently waited for this special moment. As I head to the mall for a little afternoon shopping, I can finally pop in my Mariah Carey "Merry Christmas" CD! Yes! The Christmas season is officially here and no one, not even my poor chagrined husband, can stop me from indulging in my holiday guilty pleasure. I'll sing "All I Want for Christmas" at the very top of my lungs ... in the privacy of my own car or when my hubby isn't home. Come on; I have some pride.
[Ask JoAnne] There Ought to Be a Law
<i>— Enough of This Sh*t in Jackson</i>
Q. Most of my neighbors clean up after themselves, but not after the dogs they walk across my front yard. It's gotten to the point I can't get my garbage can from the street, much less get to my car because my own yard has turned into a minefield of dog sh*t. There ought to be a law! What can I do legally—or illegally—to stop this outrage?
[Fry] The 50 Cent Test
Lately, every time some politician is talking about education on the TV, on radio or in the newspaper, they're talking about testing. "Accountability." They act like standardized test scores are the only thing important about education. But we need to seriously question that logic. This looks like another case where the people who are making the decisions are not actually the ones doing the work.
[Stiggers] Fresh Breath is Coming to Town
Season's greetings, folkses! This is your favorite non-black, Mo'tel Williams, along with the Sausage Sandwich Sisters, also known as the Electric Slide Ambassadors for World Peace and Rent Money. We know that 2003 has been a year of putrid mouths spewing out foul phrases. Now the air is polluted with negative thoughts as misinformed masses bask in lethargy and apathy because the world is at war, the economy is in decay, nations are in conflict, religion is steeped in controversy, the issue of race remains unsolved and Girls Gone Wild Doggy Style. And if you hear anyone say, "life stinks," it's because the world has a bad case of halitosis.
Oops, They Did It Again
In the Southern Style section of The Clarion-Ledger on Sunday, Nov. 23, Orley Hood worked himself into a lather: "The single dumbest paragraph I've read in this newspaper in the past year is a direct quotation from Robert Moore, chief of the Jackson Police Department: 'The perception comes from other people who want to perpetuate the negative image. The newspaper and TV stations go out and find somebody who will say they are leaving Jackson because this happened or they are leaving Jackson because of that.'"
[Stiggers] Poor Health and Bad Credit
Now that the political season is over, the Stop the Hamhock Decrease the Pork Grease Coalition wants to enlighten the public about Chitterling ("Chitlin") Season, a time during the Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year holidays when varieties of pork products—especially chitlins—are bought and consumed.
On Civil Elections and Civic Journalism
<b>Voters to Dems: Be Progressive</b>
In the few days since the Nov. 4 election, we've heard a lot of anger and consternation from readers. Many are wondering how in the world the blatant GOP use of the race card could be so successful in 2003. We have two responses.
[Ladd] God Bless the Little Man
When Wal-Mart first came to my hometown while I was in high school, I was ecstatic. It opened on a side of town where there wasn't a whole lot, and soon other businesses popped up around it. Back then, of course, it wasn't one of those Supercenter monsters; it was the smaller, more manageable kind.
Tell Me the Truth, JoAnne
<b>Right Between Church and State</b>
Q. Please tell me why state troopers patrol and direct traffic for a Jackson church on North State Street (near Millsaps) during church service, and oftentimes now, a deputy sheriff. Isn't this a violation of church and state?
[Stiggers] Colin Sings the Blues
The election campaign movie feature "Mississippi Mudd Slangin': Don't Start No Stuff, Won't Be No Stuff" will return after this commercial break. ... Blues fans, listen to America's homegrown music, courtesy of the secretary of state. DGI (Darned Good Intelligence) records present "Colin Powell and Friends Sing the Blues." This 2 CD set features some of your favorite blues, country and folk songs performed by White House staffers and their friends. Listen to Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas sing the Clarence Carter classics Strokin' (a duet with Anita Hill) and Patches. And how about Rush Limbaugh's former house maid. singing a soulful rendition of Aretha Franklin's "Dr. Feelgood":
[Fry] Why Young Minorities Barely Vote
OK, I am ready to vote. But for whom? Let me go through my process of personal questions. The first question is obvious: Which one is a person of color? That one's easy to answer. Which one supports issues relating to minority communities? Who can I identify with? Which one can identify with me? Who can I relate to? Which one can relate to me? Who is going to come to my neighborhood after the voting process is over to see about me? Which one is actually targeting issues that relate to either me or my generation? Who seems more in touch with reality? Which one seems like a real person instead of some perfect image? I can continue asking myself questions, but I already know the person that I am voting for. It has never been more obvious. My answer is none of them.
[Ladd] You Got the Power
They call you "sorry." "Lazy." "Apathetic." Or, worse: "Dumb." At the same time, they treat you like an idiot. They don't talk about anything that matters much to you. They make fun of your music, and your baggy pants, or maybe your tattoo, or even your compassion. Or, they come speak at your church while they leave their lapel pins in their SUV's ash tray. They then expect you to turn out and vote for them. If you don't, you're "sorry."
[Stauffer] The Secret to Jackson's Future
The burning question of how to fix what ails Jackson is on the minds of, at the very least, newspaper editors and the people they've interviewed here in our fair city, thanks in part to The Clarion-Ledger's series called "The Changing Face of Jackson." So far, if you've missed the series, here's a recap: Week One: We need to get along. Week Two: We need to grow.
[Spann] Right the First Time
I don't really follow politics per se; the whole mess bores me. But I have taken note lately. Over the last year, the political scene has been a colorful place from Pennsylvania Avenue to Silas Brown Street, home of Jackson's temporary city hall. As I watch the political ads and listen to the news reports, I wonder: Wouldn't it be great if life were as carefree as the most idyllic childhood? Someone might goof during a game, everyone would chuckle, and then you'd simply yell, "Do over!" and all would be right in play land again.
[Fry] Dear Mr. President
Dear Mr. President, Saddam is right here in my neighborhood. He is in the third house on the right. Yeah, the one that is all boarded up. So please send the planes, tanks and military to blow up my neighborhood. He has been in this area for quite some time now and quite frankly he is getting on my nerves. After all, my neighborhood could use a remodeling job just like the one Iraq is going to get.
[Ladd] Souls of Our Citizens
I left Mississippi in 1983 to find my place in the world. It wasn't in my home state, I knew then; I just didn't fit here. My spirit was a bit too free and independent to follow a traditional path; my heart bled a bit too easily to belong in the prevailing political climate; my voice was a bit too loud in a state that liked its women a bit more, shall we say, cooperative and demure.
[Stiggers] Anegrophobia
<i>"We have nothing to fear but fear itself."
The Right, Reverend, Brother, PHD, DD, JD, M.O.U.S.E., Dr. Peanut of the George Washington Carver Holistic Health Commission of Tuskeegee, Ala., has issued an Anegrophobia mental health epidemic for this city and other cities nationwide.
Tell Me the Truth, JoAnne
Thank you for that question. If there's one thing I know about, it's losing things. I've declared mismatched earrings stylish because one in every pair I've ever owned has been lost. I've "lost" my purse more times that I can possibly remember. I even lost my skirt on Fifth Avenue one time! (It was one of those wraparound deals that ties in front. I was rushing across the street as the light changed, my arms full of packages and bags, and the strap on my shoulder bag broke. When I leaned down to retrieve the items that spilled from my purse, I accidentally untied my skirt, which of course fell down as I came up! Meanwhile, with trucks and taxis honking and engines panting down my neck, I somehow made it to the other side of the street, with both my life and my skirt—shall we say?—barely intact.)
[Spann] Nothing Sacred?
I'm tired of being politically correct. I'm tired of tiptoeing around people's feelings and trying to make everyone comfortable. So I'll just say it: I'm very disturbed by the recent confirmation of Bishop Gene Robinson of New Hampshire, an openly gay clergyman, by the Episcopal Church. The event has been heralded as a history-making moment and perhaps a divisive blow to the Episcopal Church. I'm sure Robinson is a nice guy, great father and even better partner to his longtime companion, but I don't believe he should be a leader in any Christian-based church. His confirmation demonstrates what is wrong with religion and specifically Christianity today.
[Acker] My Church's Courage
The consent on Aug. 6, 2003, to the election of Canon Gene Robinson as Bishop Co-Adjutor of New Hampshire filled me with joy and hope. I am an Episcopalian and a member of the Cathedral parish of St. Andrew in Jackson. Many in my community, and some in my parish family, received the news of the decision to confirm an openly gay man as a leader of a diocese with great distress. They saw this as a negative for the Episcopal Church and for the future shape of the Christian community in the United States. I find it overwhelmingly positive—a move on the part of the leadership of the Episcopal Church that will produce both numerical and spiritual growth and will foster the spread of the kingdom of God on earth.
[Stiggers] What You Talkin' About?
"I'm sick and tired of hearin' your song tellin' us how you're gonna change right from wrong. Well, if you really want to hear my view, you haven't done nothin' "
Tell Me the Truth, JoAnne
If nobody e-mails any questions to me (see below) or gives me any when they see me around town, I have two choices: (1) harass friends, neighbors and total strangers to think up questions, or (2) make them up myself. I'll harass almost anybody anywhere before I resort to the second option.
[Stiggers] Escape from Jacktown!
Funkee Fanger Filmworks/Productions, Inc., Esq.,Co.,LLC,OPP,Yeah U Know Me (producers of the upcoming HBO Pay-Per-View event titled "Rumble In The Political Arena"—featuring City of Jackson officials and journalists) lyrically proposes this rough treatment/music video idea titled "Escape from Jacktown: Urban Flight."
[Ladd] No More Wink-Wink Politics
Waaaa-powwww, right in the kisser! So, what was that loud explosion that hit the middle of last week? Certainly, it could have been me letting out 42 years of pent-up frustration at yet another act of stupidity by an elected official in Mississippi.
Tell Me the Truth, JoAnne
<b>Complicated and Loquacious
Q. I'm new to Mississippi, and everybody talks too damned much. You ask someone a question, and you can't get them to shut up. Whatever happened to "yes" or "no"? — New in Town
[Ladd] Gentlemen, Tone It Down
Every day of the past week I've heard someone, usually a white progressive, ridicule City Councilman Kenneth I. Stokes. "He's crazy." "He's a lunatic." "He's a racist." The outspoken Ward 3 representative is disliked pretty much universally in the white community. In fact, moderates and liberals probably dislike him more than conservatives do; his brand of outrageous race-baiting gives some conservatives what they want: a reason to bash black leaders. It's counter-productive at best.
Tell Me the Truth, JoAnne
Q. I hear you are a cat person, so maybe you can help me out. After putting a bell on my cat, I've noticed several owls hanging around. Do bells attract owls?