Ellington

Let me be clear. Women can and do understand the game of football. Furthermore, women enjoy participating in the sport. However, because it's men that mostly play football, many men subscribe to the belief that football is exclusively for men, and they choose to leave the women in their lives out of the sport.

This behavior results in stressful times for relationships. Girlfriends, wives and fiancés explode in feelings of neglect. If you want a peaceful football season, take heed.

• Communication is essential. During the football season, you must communicate with your woman. She is more than capable of discussing football with you. She can tell you all about how Jay Cutler was engaged to that girl on "The Hills" and then cowardly broke it off. Her football knowledge is not limited to the Chicago Bears. She is well versed in Chad Ochocinco's engagement to that promiscuous woman on "Basketball Wives." That is not the extent of her knowledge. She will adore you for affording her the opportunity to discuss Reggie Bush's stats, as she is well informed that he is no longer dating Kim Kardashian.

Do not dare interrupt her and steal her spotlight by adding that Jay Cutler bailed in the NFC championship game last year; Chad Ochocinco signed with New England, and Reggie Bush got traded to the Dolphins this year. If you feel the need to tell her how Texas A&M wants to enter the SEC, you should expect for her to tell you about the cute dress that she bought from H&M.

• Do not expect her participation to be limited to "facilitator." Her job is not to facilitate your participation in the sport. Do not expect her to fluff the cushions on the couch to ensure that your bottom will be comfortable as you sit there during an entire four-hour game. Instead, invite her to sit next to you and cuddle with her as the two of you watch the game together.

You should not expect her to facilitate you by being your "beer fetcher" or "remote control grabber." Even if she happens to be standing by the refrigerator as your tongue yearns for the taste of beer, not only should you get off the couch and get your own beer, but you should also ask her if she desires her drink of choice. Needless to say, she will be happy to go on "beer runs" for you as along as you provide enough funding for shoe shopping.

As for the remote control, while you are cuddling with her, you must change the channel back and forth to Bravo and TLC occasionally for her viewing pleasure.

• If you are watching the game at a stadium, look forward to snuggling with her during the game and keeping her warm. In turn, she will be happy to smuggle your Crown Royal in her purse as you safely pass security. She will attempt to overcome the embarrassment of you behaving like a drunkard fan if, prior to the game, you skipped tail-gating to take her on a shopping excursion. Moreover, before you reach the point of inebriation, if you courteously express to her how the 90-pound cheerleader looks fat and how she is so much prettier than the entire squad, then she will assist you in yelling at the referees for stupid calls and opposing players for dirty plays.

• As for watching the games at bars, you absolutely must invite her. If you invite her, there is a strong chance that she will decline. On the other hand, if you don't, she will yell about it later, and affirm that she loves football and wanted to accompany you. You will then feel compelled to invite her on the next trip. She will accept your invitation and attend every trip to the bar thereafter.

• Finally, if your favorite team is playing during worship service, but your woman wants you to accompany her to the service, there is no need for you to feel conflicted. No conflict exists. Your only option is to forget about the game and go to worship service. All highlights are available on Sports Center anyway. Similarly, if there is a wedding scheduled on the Saturday of a big rivalry game, then you should brush up on the electric slide because your only healthy option is to accompany your woman to the wedding.

Happy football season!