Ellington

Dr. S answers the burning questions of the day. But like Al Jaffee said, ask a stupid question, get a snappy answer.

Dear Pigskin Genius: What was your record predicting the results of college football games this year? And will you please stop doing it? Fixated in Fondren

Dear Fixated: Dr. S was 29-16 as a pigskin prognosticator, an outstanding .644 percentage. Dr. S would have been perfect if many of the teams he picked to win (especially Mississippi State) not behaved in such an unmanly manner. Ditto for Hinds. You guys didn't just let Dr. S down, you let America down. You let the entire universe down. But keep it in perspective, it's just a game.

Dear Manic Medico: I notice that you get few responses to your babblings. That's no surprise, since writing like yours is a prime cause of illiteracy. But one of the responders called you "the meanest man in America." Is that true? Befuddled in Belhaven

Dear Befuddled: "Meanest man in America"? How can you limit Dr. S to just one nation?

Dear Toxic Typist: What's your favorite sport? Confounded Commuter

Dear Confounded: Dr. S' favorite sport is rec league girls soccer. The players pay absolutely no attention to anything their coaches or parents say to them. Plus it's a pleasantly violent game.

Dear Sorry Seer: Who will win the SEC Championship Game between Arkansas and Georgia? On Edge in Eastover

Dear On Edge: Georgia will win. The SEC's insistence that Arkansas players wear shoes when playing road games has been causing problems for the Hogs for years.

Dear Quack: Were you born a moron or did you have to study to get this smart.? Loyal Rebel Fan

Dear Loyal: Like yourself, it was both.

Dear Freeloading Forecaster: Are you ever going to settle this bar tab? This place ain't a charity, you know. Bartenders of America

Dear Ingrates: I think you have Dr. S confused with somebody else.