In Times Like These
Rev. Cletus: "Welcome to another Rev. Cletus Car Sales Church radio broadcast. This is your car-sales pastor proclaiming the good news that God is in the blessing business in times like these."
Stand Up for Their Rights
Mr. Announcement: "In the ghetto criminal-justice system, the people are represented by members of the newly established Ghetto Science Community Peace Keeping Unit."
June: A Month of Encouragement
Miss Doodle Mae: "A lot of Jojo's Discount Dollar Store employees are concerned about their futures because of possible budget cuts on social, health-care and educational programs. Worry, apathy and depression consumes the morale of the staff."
A Health-Care Oligarchy
"The politicians are diligent, persistent and determined to establish a health-care oligarchy. The tables are tilted toward the rich, and the game is rigged against the poor."
Getting Ready for the ‘Mother of All Bombs’
Mr. Announcement: "Ghetto Science Public Affairs Network television presents coverage of Clubb Chicken Wing's Emergency Preparedness and Strategic Planning Hot Wing Happy Hour. Your moderator for this session is Congressman Smokey 'Robinson' McBride."
Caution: Oligarchy Ahead
Brother Hustle: "Welcome to this very important Compensatory Investment Request Support Group meeting. While democracy transitions into an oligarchy, the common, poor and financially challenged communities must brace themselves for a severe beatdown."
Miss Doodle Mae’s Safe Haven from Fake News
Miss Doodle Mae: "In a time of 'fake news' and 'alternative facts,' Jojo's Discount Dollar Store has become a safe haven for the common people."
Poop Hitting the Fan
"As we usher in a new year of fake news, computer hackery, twitter rants, racist emails, bigoted trolls, etc., my special guests and I will do our best to combat the abuse of technology and provide honest journalism in 2017."
‘What Are Your Plans for Me, Mr. Trump?’
Big Roscoe: "Little Mama Roscoe and I have big plans to celebrate the remaining days of 2016 at Clubb Chicken Wing. Despite the numerous and unfortunate executions of poor people, law enforcement, former NFL football players, etc., the hard-working Clubb Chicken Wing staff will continue to serve its loyal customers with a special holiday event called 'The Eight Days of Christmas Hot Wing Happy Hour for World Peace and Sanity.'
‘Surviving a Severe Political Butt Whooping’
"Jojo's Discount Dollar Store will host a series of weekly 'New Era Transition Holiday Sales Events.' Look out for weekly events in isle 7-and-2/5, starting with the 'Post Election Meltdown Mental Health Therapy Summit,' which psychologist Judy McBride is hosting. All President-elect Trump supporters are invited to attend."
Overcoming P.T.E.S.D.
Mr. Announcer: "In the ghetto criminal-justice system, the people are represented by members of the Ghetto Science Community Peace Keeping Unit: police officer and part-time security guard at the Funky Ghetto Mall Dudley 'Do-Right' McBride; attorney Cootie McBride of the law firm McBride, Myself and I; and guest peace officers Psychologist Judy McBride and Sister Encouragement, co-host of the Rev. Cletus Cars Sales Radio Broadcast. This is their story."
‘Save a Brother or Sister’
Mr. Announcer: "In the ghetto criminal-justice system, the people are represented by members of the newly established Ghetto Science Community Peace Keeping Unit: police officer and part-time security guard at the Funky Ghetto Mall Dudley 'Do-Right' McBride, attorney Cootie McBride of the law firm McBride, Myself and I, and guest rookie peace officers Deacons Jones and Richardson of Rev. Cletus Car Sales Church. This is their story."
Your Sanity Matters
Miss Doodle Mae: "The summer of 2016 was a time of mean-spirited individuals escalating fear, apathy, bigotry, racism, xenophobia, homophobia and racial self-hatred. To soothe the nerves of staff and the community, Jojo, our compassionate leader, will organize a sales event focusing on mental-health issues called 'Your Sanity Matters.'"
The Hustlers’ Time of Year
Brother Hustle: "Welcome to another Compensatory Investment Request Support Group meeting. To paraphrase the words of my favorite funk group WAR: 'Summer time is here / Yes, it's summer, the hustlers' time of year.'"
First Lady Sadie-Mae
Mr. Announcement: "Ghetto Science Public Affairs Network TV presents First Lady Sadie-Mae McBride's graduation commencement speech at Hair Did University School of Cosmetology and Vocational Education. We join the first ;ady's speech already in progress."
Prevent the Execution of Poor People
Mr. Announcement: "Live from Clubb Chicken Wing, Ghetto-Science Public Affairs Network presents an important press conference organized by Congressman Smokey Robinson McBride for Ghetto Science Community residents."
Do What Is Right
Nurse Tootie McBride: "Good afternoon members of the media and concerned community citizens. Welcome to the McBride Family press conference announcing 'The Caravan of Love, Peace, Protection, Self-Defense, Voter Registration and Motivation Crusade.'
Stiggers: A White Supremacist and Black Pullman Porter Debate Race and History
The heated discussion happens after the supremacist says that he is infinitely better than the best n-word that ever lived."
The Sour Music of Discontent
Boneqweesha Jones: "Welcome to Boneqweesha Live Entertainment News and World Report, broadcasting live from the television studio of Hair Did University School of Cosmetology and Vocational Studies."
Financially Challenged Lives Matter
Mr. Announcer: "In the ghetto criminal-justice system, the people are represented by members of the newly established Ghetto Science Community Peace Keeping Unit."
You Know the Routine
Miss Doodle Mae: "Jojo, our fearless leader, continues his 'You Know the Routine' approach to the holidays."
Can’t We All Get Along?
Miss Doodle Mae: "Jojo, our fearless leader, continues his 'You Know the Routine' approach to the holidays."
Low Prices Matter
Brother Hustle: "Welcome to another Compensatory Investment Request Holiday Season Special Meeting. This time of the year is very crucial for independent vendors."
You Know the Routine
Rev. Cletus: "This is your car-sales pastor broadcasting live from WGSR, Ghetto Science Radio, your friend at the end of the FM dial."
Buenos Días, My Fellow Hustlers
Brother Hustle: "Welcome to another Compensatory Investment Request Support Group meeting. I invited a very special guest to attend our meeting and provide inspiring words to new and senior group members.
‘People Want True Things’
"I've been watching the presidential debates. In my very humble opinion, these debates look like an elite membership of millionaires vying to control the affairs of common folk."
Tripping, Flipping, Fixing, Selling and Pimping
"For a while, I believed that certain types of people would never change. On today's show, the Finance Pimp is on the set to prove me wrong."
Booty MacDrawers, Crime Investigator
"Watch Booty MacDrawers and Christie 'Love' McBride bring justice into your home and to the people on the new Ghetto Science Team for Truth and Justice Television Network."
Open Season
Mr. Announcer: "In the ghetto criminal-justice system, the people are represented by members of the newly established Ghetto Science Community Peacekeeping Unit."
Your Purses, Your Nunchucks
Boneqweesha Jones: "Is it that time of the year again? It is at Hair Did University School of Cosmetology and Vocational Studies."
A Shining Beacon of Light
Miss Doodle Mae: "This summer, the ill winds of intolerance, hatred, racism and terrorism have besieged the well-being of common people around this nation. Then comes a shining beacon of light called progress."
I’m French Canadian and Irish
Boneqweesha Jones: "Welcome to Ghetto Science Public Television's special edition of 'Qweesha Live Special Report.' Wondering if I will jump on the Rachel Dolezal media bandwagon? The answer is yes."
A Simple Battle Strategy
Mr. Announcement: "It's time for the award-winning daytime soap opera, 'All God's Churn Got Shoes.' Today's story takes place at the meeting room of Operation Corporate Backlash. Chief Executive Officer addresses members about Operation Corporate Backlash's 'War on Poverty' crusade."
Entrepreneurial Shark Tank
Mr. Announcement: "Ghetto Science Public Television welcomes its viewers to the premiere of the 'Hustle Family Shark Tank' reality television show, featuring panelists from the Hustle family."
No Justice, No Peace
Mr. Announcer: "In the ghetto criminal-justice system, the people are represented by members of the newly established Ghetto Science Community Peace Keeping Unit."
The Cost of Living in the Ghetto
Miss Doodle Mae: "Jojo surprised the staff today. During the monthly staff-appreciation morning meeting, he announced that all part-time and full-time staff of Jojo's Discount Dollar Store would receive a 'Cost of Living in the Ghetto' raise and a very affordable health-care plan."
Shot in the Back
Mr. Announcer: "In the ghetto criminal-justice system, the people are represented by members of the newly established Ghetto Science Community Peace Keeping Unit."
Of ‘Scandal,’ ‘Empire’ and Hot Chicken Wings
Big Roscoe: "Little Momma Roscoe conducted a Clubb Chicken Wing customer survey during last week's Hot Wing Happy Hour. Our customers, who are fans of television shows like 'Empire,' suggested that Clubb Chicken Wing have a weekly big flat-screen television viewing party and Hot Wing Happy Hour.
Exodus from Cootie Creek, Ga.
Brother Hustle: "Welcome to another Compensatory Investment Request support group meeting. Now that the cold, wintery weather appears to be behind us, it's time for our ideas and aspirations to come out of hibernation and spring into action."
The New World Order of Things
Boneqweesha Jones: "In this New World Order era, today's employers seek dedicated workers with more brains than brawn."
Need a Ride to Work?
Rev. Cletus: "This is your car-selling pastor closing out another blessed broadcast from Ghetto Science Team Radio. Before I sign off, I want to share my thoughts about Mr. James Robertson of Detroit, Michigan. This blessed brother's amazing and inspirational story captured the hearts of the people. "
Like A Tree Without Roots
Miss Doodle Mae: "Jojo's Discount Dollar Store is ready to educate the Ghetto Science Community during Black History Month with the 'From Here to Timbuktu Sale.'
Hustlin’ to be the Best
Brother Hustle: "Welcome to the first meeting of the 2015 Compensatory Investment Request Support Group."
Don’t Waste Your Mind
Boneqweesha Jones: "I recall a time when I brought in the new year uninspired, hopeless and alone watching a New Year program. New Year's Day was just another day for me. At 12:05 a.m., a one-minute public-service announcement from the United Ghetto Science Community Post-Secondary Training College Fund changed my perspective."
A Very Clubb Chicken Wing Christmas
Big Roscoe: "This year, Little Mama and I decided to televise our annual Christmas gift to the community: A Clubb Chicken Wing Christmas."
Holiday Rebellion
CEO: "Because of Obamacare, Ebola outbreaks, terrorism and minimum-wage protests, Y'all Mart and Crunchie Burga World employees will not receive their annual holiday bonus this year. On behalf of the corporate board of directors and management, we truly appreciate your hard work this year. Happy Holidays."
... The People Are Screwed
Boneqweesha Jones: "Welcome to Ghetto Science Public Television's Post-Midterm Election Wrap-Up News Brief. I'm your on-the-scene reporter and host here to discuss the recent November 2014 Midterm Election Massacre."
Soul-O-Ween
Miss Doodle Mae: "Jojo, our fearless, creative and innovative leader, wants to celebrate Halloween differently this year. His plan is to celebrate soul with the Jojo's Discount Dollar Store Soul-O-Ween Party and Sale.
Protecting America’s Commander-In-Chief
I am Brother Hustle writing on behalf of Chief Inspector, Lieutenant-Colonel "Beat Down" Lipscomb, Ghetto Science Team Security Specialist. As a proud American and former military police officer, he is very concerned about President Obama's security.
Faking the Funk
Boneqweesha Jones: "Welcome to this special edition of 'Qweesha Live TV.' Tonight, I want to talk about corporate businesses and their hiring practices. Some reliable sources have reported to me that businesses like 'Y'all Mart' are faking the funk on hiring unemployed teenagers and adults."
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