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With or Without You, Haley
Well, Gov. Barbour, all us under-55 Mississippians got your message loud and clear last week. We don't matter. You don't care about us and what we think of you because, well, not enough of us are likely to vote for you.
[Stiggers] Buy A Steak And Eat It, Too
It's "Boneqweesha Live" from the vault of the Let Me Hold Five Dollars National Bank with Rudy McBride, bank president and the Ghetto Science Team's financial adviser.
[Chick] The Baptist and The Feminist
One of my most difficult struggles as a Christian involves feminism. There. I said it. I'm a feminist. No, I don't wear combat boots, and yes, I love men like crazy. LOVE men. Wouldn't life be much simpler if I didn't? However, the exploitation of women's sexuality and the glaring double standard women battle every day deserve commentary even in 2005. The Equal Rights Amendment still lacks ratification, and I'd be a liar to say I think that's OK. And you thought my last column would ruin my dating chances.
Dean and the Elephants in Dixie
Charles Evers and I hit it off immediately the first time we met. We, after all, both have Neshoba County roots. My Daddy, it seems, used to drive him around in a taxi back when he did radio there. We have a common hero—his brother, Medgar. We both opposed the Iraqi War, as he wrote about in the JFP the week the war started. We both spent a fun evening at Jubilee! Jam chasing down Bob Dylan so he could thank him for a song he wrote for Medgar back in the '60s.
[Lott] The 2004 Agenda
In his State of the Union speech President Bush outlined an agenda which includes the War on Terrorism, tax cuts, job security and improving worker training, using our nation's community colleges. Passing a good national energy policy, a bold highway bill and preserving our military's edge must also be legislative priorities for 2004, and the American people deserve action on all these issues regardless of the partisan to-and-fro that an election year usually brings.
[Turner] From Djembe To MPC
The drum is a super projection of the human voice. Human force is combined with other natural forces—skin of animal, hollowed solid tree-trunk, etc.—as a medium for arousing the attention and reaction of mankind. The drum and the drummer, in mutual cooperation, create patterns of consciousness that give a moment of inspiration to those they touch.
[Stiggers] To Whom It May Concern
Dear F.E.M.A.: This is Brotha Hustle applying for a job with your organization. I figure if Mr. Brown can get a job with ya, so can I. Please check out my resume!
[Hightower] Mine's Bigger Than Yours
You can now splash the essence of Hummer all over your body! General Motors, the maker of this massive symbol of automotive macho, recently licensed a new Hummer cologne calling it "The Essence of Adventure," and pricing it as high as $52 for a Hummer-shaped bottle of the stuff. The scent is advertised as being "masculine with rugged and adventurous attributes." They go further, promising that this new fragrance "embodies all that Hummer is."
[Stiggers] Dr. Strange, or How to Learn to Not to Love Reality TV
Here's an important message from the law office of Cootie McBride, the people's lawyer: Some clients come to me with extremely large knots on their foreheads after taking a pain pill for aching joints. Other clients, who take diet pills to lose weight quickly, come to my office with a pinky toe the size of a big toe. Angry male clients, whose eyes are crossed after taking a few sexual enhancement pills, storm into my office. As the people's lawyer I have helped many individuals who took drugs with unusual physical side effects get the money they deserve.
The Hope Sleeps Tonight
What a week of pure, unadulterated emotion. As we put out this issue—the first one with power and resources and staff fully restored—I am spent due to what I've seen, read and experienced in the last week.
This Is My Fault
Since Hurricane Katrina hit the Gulf Coast and thrust her spotlight on the abhorrent conditions of the poorest Americans, I have been pondering poverty. First, I got angry.
[Stiggers] Denials Without Confessions
Network affiliates, Other Brotha/Funkee Finger Productions present "Denials without Confessions," a fresh, exciting and controversial soap opera for this spring. Here is a rough promotion/synopsis of first episode: Supa producer, TV talk-show host, herbal Viagra distributor, root doctor and investigative journalist Mo'tel Williams seeks the "buckey nekkid" truth within a scandal-ridden nation in denial.
Watch Those Low-Carb Torts
This past week I've taken advantage of my access to a press pass to sit in on some fascinating meetings in the Capitol. From Judiciary A meetings on "both sides of the hall" (as we insiders say) to the floor of the House of Representatives, I've watched our democracy in action. And, while some might be inclined to call this particular show of democracy a train wreck, I've gotten a little too much of a "Mr. Smith Goes to Washington" feel to completely denigrate the process.
Thou Shalt Honor The F-Word
Read my lips. The Ten Commandments are not a toy. And the U.S. Constitution isn't an instrument to be manipulated as the political winds shift.But here we go again. On March 8, the Mississippi House of Representatives overwhelmingly passed a bill to allow the Ten Commandments and "In God We Trust" to be placed on public buildings.
[Stiggers] Walking Abreast in the Naked City
Hey Yawl! This is Bone-Qweesha Jones of the Hooked on Phonics Hair and Touch-up Beauty Salon proudly presenting an exclusive literature experience with the poet laureate of the street corner, Bruh Zeke Johnson, author of "The Anthology of 'Skreet' (Street) Limericks: Writings From The Walls of Toilet Stalls," currently the No. 1 best-selling book on the 7-11 convenience store rack.
[Stiggers] Broke on a Fixed Income
G-SPAN (Ghetto-Science Public Affairs Network) proudly presents our premiere bootleg broadcast of the Ghetto Science Team's Financially Challenged Economic Summit 2005, with keynote speaker Grandma Pookie.
‘Gone Weekly'
If there's one JFP-related question I've heard more than any other from folks around Jackson in the past few weeks and months, it's been this one: "Are y'all going weekly?"
[Stiggers] Sista Church Hat of The Greater Vegetarian Church
It's time for your Bonqweesha On-The-Scene Report. Sitting in for Bonqweesha Jones is Sista Church Hat of the Greater Vegetarian Church, International.
[Cohen] Beware the Writhing of a Starving Beast
When Haley Barbour was running for governor, the national GOP pulled out its heaviest hitters to canvass the state for his campaign. George W. Bush, Dick Cheney and Rudy Giuliani all came down on Barbour's behalf, as did both Bob and Libby Dole, J.C. Watts, Ari Fleischer and the president's brother, Gov. Jeb Bush of Florida. Each time a luminary would show up, the national media came along for the ride.
[Chick] How Not To Dump A Guy
I feel that writing a "chick" column has not ruined my dating life quite enough, so I have thus pursued the answer to yet another post-divorce dating question: How do women dump men now?