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With "Friends" Like These ...

What does the inexplicably popular sitcom "Friends" have to do with sports? Nothing, unless you consider civil suits a spectator sport. But as you watch the last three episodes, mull on the juicy details of a sexual harrassment suit against the show's writers. This is what it takes to produce a hit TV show.

Good Eye For The Sports Guy

ESPN.com columnist Bill Simmons was supposed to write a column about the NBA playoffs. Eventually, he did, but thank God he first wrote about what he watched on TV, instead.

It's Eli's World

Doctor S rounds up all things Eli Manning: Eli is going to be the New York Giants' starting quarterback sooner rather than later, which means Kerry Collins won't be a Giant much longer, Gary Myers of the N.Y. Daily News writes. Ditto, says Newsday's Neil Best... and Eli will survive and likely thrive all the flak surrounding his draft, the Biloxi Sun Herald's Jim Mashek says. ... But Eli cannot be good, he has to be great, writes the N.Y. Post's Paul Schwartz.

Eli's Coming To Manhattan

Eli Manning to what he wanted on Saturday — he was the first player taken in the NFL draft, by the San Diego Chargers, but he's going to start his career with the N.Y. Giants, not in San Diego. Doctor S says God bless the former Ole Miss quarterback for manipulating the draft to his benefit. It was nice to see a player get over on the NFL for once. That's a rare thing ... Now Eli has a chance to follow in the footsteps of another former Ole Miss QB, Charlie Conerly, who played for the Giants back in their glory days. Not so coincidentally, Conerly was Archie Manning's favorite player when he was a kid ... More Mississippi players, including Southern Miss star Rod Davis, figure to be selected on Sunday.

Exposing The Angels

UniWatch exposes the dark underside of the Anaheim Angels' cap brims. No detail is too small if you're a sports uniform nut.

Former NFLer Killed In Afghanistan

Pat Tillman, who left the NFL in the prime of his career (and gave up $3.6 million) to become an Army Ranger, was killed in a firefight in Afghanistan. He was 27. Think about this guy the next time you hear some sportscaster call an athlete a "hero" for something he does on the field.

No. 1 In The Hood, G

Doctor S hasn't watched much of the interminable NBA and NHL playoffs. He's been too busy watching his favorite new extreme sports TV show, "Aqua Teen Hunger Force" on Cartoon Network. OK, well, it's not a sports show, but it's extreme, anyway. Check it out.

Good Move, Eli

So Eli Manning doesn't want to play for the San Diego Chargers? Doctor S told you the guy was smart. The Chargers leaked this info to take the pressure off them. They didn't want to take Manning with the No. 1 pick in Saturday's NFL draft, anyway. Now they can say, "Eli doesn't want us to pick him anyway." Sure Archie and Eli are taking heat from all over the nation, but all of those guys will be safe in the press box every Sunday while Eli is getting his ass pounded. And Archie knows how that feels.

America's Pastime: Moneyball

The Oakland A's have turned conventional baseball wisdom into a lie. Many people who work in, report on or follow major league baseball say that the game has changed from an athletic contest into a financial one. The small-market and/or cash-poor teams have no chance to compete against free-spending clubs like the New York Yankees and Mets, Boston Red Sox or Atlanta Braves.

Quoteworthy

Tee Martin, who succeeded Peyton Manning as Tennessee's starting quarterback in 1998, with some advice for Micheal Spurlock as he prepares to take over for Eli at Ole Miss next season: "There's only a certain amount of Mannings born, and they are who they are, and you are who you are. Don't give in to the pressure of people saying you're not a great player because you're not a Manning."

Ole Miss Crime Watch

Six Ole Miss baseball players were suspended for three games this weekend for violating unspecified team rules. Doctor S wants to know: How are these guys supposed to know they're breaking the rules if the rules are unspecified? Here's hoping none of these guys have girlfriends who are UM varsity athletes; otherwise, one of those women might punch baseball coach Mike Bianco's lights out.

Alabama Apologizes

Alabama football coach Mike Shula apologized Monday for taking former Alabama player Sylvester Croom's name off of a spring award because Croom is now head coach at Mississippi State. Shula said the award will be reinstated in Croom's name. The apology is nice, but Shula is still an idiot. Doctor S gives him 3 years.

A Rare USM-Ole Miss Game

Here's another big soccer event in the metro area. The Ole Miss and Southern Miss women's teams will play a game on Saturday night at 7:30 at Freedom Ridge Park in Ridgeland. Tickets are $5 for adults, but if your kid shows up in a soccer uniform, they get in free. If you show up in your replica Pele uniform, Doctor S suspects it will still cost you $5 to get in.

Here Are Your Mississippi Braves

Remember, you heard it here first earlier this week: The Atlanta Braves Class AA team will move to Pearl for the 2005 season. They will play in a new state-of-the-art stadium (they'd better start building now if they're going to be finished in a year). The official announcement will be made Friday at 11:30 a.m. at the Capitol.

Bama Slaps Croom

Whatever class and mystique the Alabama football program still had left over from the Bear Bryant era left Tuscaloosa with Gene Stallings. The Crimson Tide program hit a new low this week. Since 1987, Alabama had awarded the Sylvester Croom Commitment To Excellence Award at the end of spring practice. But this year Tide coach Mike Shula changed the name of the award to the Bart Starr Award. His explanation? He didn't think it was appropriate to have an Alabama football award named for a man who's now head football coach at Mississippi State. Even worse, Croom didn't know about the change until a Clarion-Ledger reporter told him about it on the practice field on Tuesday. Clarion-Ledger columnist Rick Cleveland wondered whether Shula resents Croom. Bama was heavily criticized when it chose Shula over Croom for head coach in 2003. The Birmingham News' Kevin Scarbinsky was even more blunt: "Given the way Paul Bryant felt about him, if the Bear were alive, Croom might have his name on more than an award. It also might be on the head coach's office door." Alabama didn't have the guts or vision to hire the right man as coach in 2003; thank goodness State did.

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