Ellington

Dear Simon,

Carrying you and connecting with you and getting to know you and sharing my body with you for nine months was one of the best things I have ever done in my life. I felt beautiful, strong, empowered. And I still feel, after growing such an amazing person inside of me, that I can do anything. Giving birth to you was joyful, and at the same time it felt like I was pushing my own heart out of my body and watching it take on a life of its own.

Birthing you changed me. Spending time with you clarifies for me what is and is not worth investing my time and energy in. Being with you has made increasingly clear the importance of work and relationships that feed my soul rather than draining me. Watching you become your own person has inspired me to find the parts of me that I lost along the way. Seeing you form sounds, words, phrases and insightful thoughts has helped me to better articulate my own true voice. Carrying you and nursing you and preparing food for you in my kitchen influences every day how I care for my body and our home.

Being present with you and really seeing you has shifted how I see the world and its people. It has made me more patient, more open, more present, more aware. Being your mother has given me the strength to take on some of the biggest challenges of my life. But all that is really about me and my own journey.

When I think about our journey together, and my dreams for you and your future journeys into the wild blue yonder, I know that I want to give you something different, something more. Something you can take anywhere with you, no matter where you go, no matter how old you are, no matter how you choose to live your life. I want to give you the gift of exploration and curiosity and adventure and wonder. I want to live life in such a way that I am able to give you the opportunity to try new things and see new places and discover new paths--and I want to share some of these adventures with you.

I want you to have strong, deep roots. And I want you to have wings--or at the very least, a superhero cape.

I want you to feel safe and loved and confident and excited to take on that big world out there.

Simon, I see intuition, bravery, intelligence, a big heart, wisdom, and so much more in your spirit. But what is most important is what you see in yourself, what dreams you have for your own unique future. Dream big, my son. You can do anything you put your mind to.

Love always, Mama