Wednesday, March 5, 2008
Mr. Announcement: "Welcome to the premiere television episode of 'The Finance Pimp Gets His Homes Back.' Our story takes place in a barren suburb of foreclosed homes. Predatory lending, sliding interest rates, the 'War on Terror' and a recessive economy over the past eight years have restructured the lifestyles of the working and middle classes who have returned to apartment living.
"While foreclosure signs and piles of furniture and trash decorate the yards and driveways of once-inhabited homes, enter Simon LeGreedy of Whee Milkem Dry Home Finance Corporation. He and Sheriff Rudy McNasty are about to evict former homeowners Tom and Topsy Johnson."
Simon LeGreedy (Bangs on door.): "OK, Tom and Topsy! If you cannot pay your monthly mortgage payment, we must evict."
Tom and Topsy do not respond.
Sheriff Rudy McNasty: "Hey, folks. The Finance Pimp wants his house back! If you refuse to leave, I'll have to break down this nice, expensive front door, and LeGreedy will make you pay for a new one!"
Topsy: "Hold tight, LeGreedy and Sheriff Rudy! Tom and I ate some stale food at the buffet restaurant yesterday. Could you at least allow us to exercise our squatters' rights before you throw us out?"
Simon LeGreedy: "Squatters' rights?"
Topsy: "Yes, It's our right to squat! The stale food Tom ate didn't agree with him. Just empathize with a brotha and let him use the toilet in the upstairs bathroom."
Simon LeGreedy: "OK, remember to use the air freshener!"