Ellington

When your daughter, best friend or co-worker becomes a victim of abuse, you have the opportunity to make a difference.

"More than likely it's going to escalate," said Sandy Middleton, executive director of The Center for Violence Prevention in Pearl. "It's a situation that more than likely is not going to go away. What these women need to do is they need to plug in to a resource so that they can understand what they're dealing with and get out."

Middleton said that persistence and exposure to information is key to having the victim understand what's really going on.

"We do a lot of talking to mothers and family members out here and try to give them as much information as we can—because a lot of times they may not come here themselves," she said. "They can go back to them with this information and hopefully, they might break through to them.

"I had somebody real close to me not too long back that I shared (information) with, and a light bulb went off in her head. She was like, 'Well you know, he does all of this. He wants to control what I do.' Once you make the victims understand that they're living in an abusive situation, it's a whole different ball game. But they have to more or less own the definitions of what they're living in. Education is such a huge part of the answer."

So how do you approach a victim? First, lose your own judgmental attitude. The victim is not to blame. Believe her—victims are almost always women—when she talks about the abuse. Don't trivialize or try to minimize the dangers. Don't take control of the situation yourself by calling the police if she doesn't want you to, or force her to made decisions she's not ready to make. Respect her; she needs that from a friend.

Empower the victim to understand the reality of the situation. Give her materials to read, relate your own story, and let her know she's not alone. When she's ready to make a move, help her create a plan. Research and provide resources in the community. Remember that she's the expert in her own life. Help, but don't force.

For more information, contact The Center for Violence Prevention in Pearl at 601-932-4198, or Catholic Charities at 601-355-8634. Also see the Web site for the Mississippi Coalition Against Domestic Violence.

Previous Comments

ID

82050

Comment

Finally read this column too. Stellar advice and Ronni deserves praise for tackling this issue and providing great guidance. Following this advise doesn't appear to be a job for the faint at heart though. Seems like it forces the helper to live the experience too. It would be a very painful experience for me to undertake and I likely would run from it. However, I guess this isn't too much for a love one or friend, if you could do it. God bless counselors who do this kind of work.

Author

Ray Carter

Date

2007-10-02T13:31:15-06:00