Ellington

It's funny how things have a way of happening at just the right time. How things are said at just the right moment. How your point is explained so clearly when you were just having the hardest time putting it to words. I came across this piece at xxlmag.com just as I got through trying to tell a couple folks I know this past Sunday what respect and loyalty meant to me...a hiphop artist. I hope those two read this because it better explains what I can't say. I forget the woman's name but her editorial hit home...Enjoy.

I don't know if anyone else heard Tru Life on the radio last week after he slapped up Cam in the club, but I did, and it's been bugging me ever since. Dude sounds so conflicted—so caught between who he's been and who he wants to become—and I wonder if that's not part of his appeal. I bet a lot of people can relate. Tru Life seems to represent that battle between growth and self-destruction that so many men in hip-hop struggle with. The street mentality is so insidious, so hard to shake. That voice in your head that tells you that defending your respect trumps all other interests—even safety, even peace of mind, even getting money, even being around to take care of your family—is so hard to drown out. I'm glad Tru is trying, and I like him all the more for it.

Hip-hop is an inherently aspirational culture. It gives poor kids the world over hope. But if artists can't grow out the state of mind that sees violence as the only solution, what are they really giving youth? If rappers are still brawling and beefing and on edge all the time, well into their thirties, they're basically just telling kids that it doesn't matter how much success they get, they'll never escape the bullshit they grew up around. Which is a downright heartbreaking thought.

On that same note, I spent the last week listening to the new Bone Thugs album and I have to say that I'm seriously feeling it. After months of get-drunk-and-get-freaky club records, Strength & Loyalty is exactly the album I've been waiting on—something smooth, mellow and moving. In other words: headphone music. The track that samples Fleetwood Mac is so ill (Rumors is one of my all time favorite albums). But I really can't stop bumping "I Tried." Something about that song is so haunting. That struggle to transform your life is one that so many in hip-hop live with every day.

Sometimes it's a mental thing—letting go of old ideas that don't work anymore. And sometimes it's a financial struggle. Often it's both. I've watched so many dudes I care about go through it. I don't think that people who grew up comfortable have any idea how hard it is to change your life when you don't have financial resources. You make a wrong turn somewhere and find yourself living a way that fills you with anxiety. You know you need to change, and so you try. But there's no support net to catch you, nobody in your family that can pitch in for rent or groceries as you find your way, nobody to buy you those dress clothes you need for that job interview. You have to reinvent your life out of nothing, and it's a gargantuan effort. There's always that transition period between what you've been and what you want to be—a time of weeks or months or years when your back is up against the wall and you feel hopeless and helpless.

I'm guessing most rappers know a little something about that scenario. I'd like to hear more songs about that—and how if you hang on long enough and keep doing the footwork, eventually things change—and less about chains, chicks, and clubs. Cause none of that is worth much if you're still looking over your shoulder all the time.

Think about this in every conversation you have...about every rapper, about every "thug", about every single mom, every stripper, every homeless person etc. It always looks easier for YOUR vantage point.

Previous Comments

ID

112819

Comment

This is the passage I tried to bold and italicize..LOL. guess I havent learned how: but I wanted to highlight it. ..."I don’t think that people who grew up comfortable have any idea how hard it is to change your life when you don’t have financial resources. You make a wrong turn somewhere and find yourself living a way that fills you with anxiety. You know you need to change, and so you try. But there’s no support net to catch you, nobody in your family that can pitch in for rent or groceries as you find your way, nobody to buy you those dress clothes you need for that job interview. You have to reinvent your life out of nothing, and it’s a gargantuan effort. There’s always that transition period between what you’ve been and what you want to be—a time of weeks or months or years when your back is up against the wall and you feel hopeless and helpless."

Author

Kamikaze

Date

2007-05-13T18:54:12-06:00

ID

112820

Comment

It's getting impossible to climb out. We're all going to be stuck in the gutters one day.

Author

Ironghost

Date

2007-05-13T20:03:27-06:00

ID

112821

Comment

I'm feeling you. Thanks for this entry.

Author

emilyb

Date

2007-05-14T06:04:54-06:00

ID

112822

Comment

"There’s always that transition period between what you’ve been and what you want to be—a time of weeks or months or years when your back is up against the wall and you feel hopeless and helpless. I’m guessing most rappers know a little something about that scenario." This is what I had in mind with the "duality of man" comment. lol Sometimes you may find saint and sinner up in the same frame. Maybe this will bring my previous comment full circle: If I were the CEO of a non-profit and Imus, Jadakiss, Haley Barbour (who compared some Head Start parents homes to brothels) and David Banner wanted to host a fundraiser --- hey --- show me the money (or show it to the kids)! lol

Author

FreeClif

Date

2007-05-14T11:23:58-06:00

ID

112823

Comment

I was not aware of this situation with Tru Life. I remember picking up a mixtape in NY early last year of his. I was disappointed to hear about the 'thuggery' in it because I had envisioned him as one of those cats who had made that change. This thought came from viewing the premier "Beef" DVD. This opinion of mine had been spread upon quite a few artists who I felt were above the need to conform to the mass rapacity of urban music, yourself included Kaze. Just as you say, though, wanting to make that change and actually going through that change are a world apart. I recognized the judgments that I was making for what they were. Over the course of the past year I was forced to recognize what MY contribution to the "struggle" and my contribution to overcome the same said struggle has been. It is always humbling to know where you fall short. I mention this because I feel that often times we do best by being an example. Not that people should want to mimick our lives, but why not inspire folk to do what they can with the little that they have? What I've seen as more a reality than anything else is the need to recognize that God is providing all things to all people and not the people themselves. To every 'thing' [job, car, home, etc] that we can rely on we know the source is from above. It does us no good to chase after these 'things' because we hold ourselves accountable....or our families, communities, government, etc. When an individual realizes this and truly accepts this reality, then they find comfort in sticking to what they know to be true and not allowing the pressures of life to influence them to do otherwise. Life IS life, though, don't get me wrong. We're bound to do whatever it is that we want to do. And then we can look back and see what becomes of the decisions that we've made. Based on this knowledge, we can make our present and future decisions. Because nobody really wants to make choices that leads them to look over their shoulder for the rest of time. Although I don't know all of the facts of Soulja Slim's life, that is one of the things that haunts me with his music. He was working to make a new reality and alluded to living a life different from what he had known. Even though his demise [and countless others whose memories we respect] was brought about by the same violence that he spoke of, more people are picking up the same torch and carrying it on, apparently oblivious to what could be coming around the corner. Change is a continual process. As long as we are living, we are learning. As long as we are learning, we are investigating the need for change. My words I speak for myself and hope that they are of some benefit to others.

Author

lilsoulja

Date

2007-05-14T14:15:30-06:00

ID

112824

Comment

Amen, Revern, Doctor Lilsoulja.

Author

Ray Carter

Date

2007-05-14T15:25:59-06:00