Ellington

With all the advice given to the new Legislature about education, tort reform and the economy, I have not read or heard one person address the most important decision made by anyone on a per diem—where to eat. Initially I was shocked by this oversight. On reflection, however, I understand it. The waters of political correctness are treacherous. Recent examples include Trent Lott and Hillary Clinton, proving most politicians only open their mouths to change feet.

Who, then, should take on the task of advising our elected officials about dining at politically incorrect establishments? Shouldn't someone of impeccable reputation and taste offer to save our representatives and senators from any more embarrassment than the usual amount they inflict on themselves during legislative sessions? As many of you know, Sacrifice is my middle name—yes, Andrew S. Scott. Thus, I responded to the call, and below are places where one should consider the political implications before being seen on the premises.

First on the list is Hooters (4565 I-55 North, 981-0480). Democrats will need to tread lightly here. Their dilemma is that Hooters is a great place to mingle with Gen X voters, but attendance could alienate feminists. Republicans seen here ogling the wait staff and dipping wings in blue cheese dressing will risk the wrath of the Moral Majority. The problem, as I understand it, is the double entendre of the name and the rather scantily clad female wait staff. The name aside, if the lack of attire is offensive, I suggest that the offended avoid any of the local college cafeterias during warm weather.

Hooters' menu will tempt even the most cautious elected official. Oysters roasted in the shell and served with drawn butter are unique and delicious. Thin slices of ham and pork loin, stacked thickly on baguette-like bread form the spicy Cuban sandwich. For those on low-carb regimens, Hooters' famous wings can be ordered without breading.

Another culinary minefield for politicians is Huntington's Grille (1001 E County Line Road, 957-1515). The menu, rather than the wait staff's attire, might offend the sensibilities of the PC crowd. Entrees include elk, veal (yes, little baby cows) and buffalo. Republicans will feel comfortable here. Huntington's Grille is very expensive and thus is filled with diners who are wealthy, businesspeople on expense accounts or wannabes. Besides, if we're going to snowmobile, log and drill everywhere, what's a few elk one way or the other?

Democrats will find the going a little rougher at Huntington's. The prices may subject them to the charge of "limousine liberals." Of course the environmentalist and vegetarian vote is gone for any Democrat caught eating free-range buffalo. On the other hand, in Mississippi even Democrats favor charging into the woods with enough artillery to blow squirrels out of trees, birds out of the air and Bambi off his hooves.

Republicans and Democrats can agree that the food and the service at Huntington's Grille are excellent. The cervena elk is outstanding as is the maple-cured salmon. The kitchen is open, so you can watch your food being prepared, and the warm fireplace adds to the congenial atmosphere. Go there, enjoy it, and tell yourself that anyone who objects probably voted for Sherman Lee Dillon anyway.

A friend put me on the trail of possibly the most politically incorrect establishment in Jackson—The Hill (2225 Valley St., 373-7768) in South Jackson. Fear gripped me as I rarely leave the 39211 zip code. I experienced some difficulty finding a place to park in the crowded lot of pickup trucks bearing Confederate flag bumper stickers. (Someone needed to call Howard Dean.) Once inside, I was sure the place was on fire. Smoke hung just a few feet off the floor and gave the large room the feeling of an old cocktail lounge. Suddenly, people began to get up and move, so I turned around to find the exit. Instead of charging toward the door, though, the crowd moved to the dance floor as someone began singing about cheating, drinking and pickup trucks. I didn't notice Ms. Dagner-Cook in the crowd.

The Hill offers excellent steaks at some of the most reasonable prices in town. Potatoes are baked, not heated in a microwave. French fries are cut from fresh potatoes on the premises, and the bread is homemade. Steaks are thick, and the seafood is fresh and well prepared. Every member of the wait staff who passes your table asks if you need anything. The entertainment is mainstream country music, and the dance floor is big enough to allow for some fancy moves. Get there early on weekends—The Hill has a large, loyal following. Neither Republican nor Democrat, The Hill is a bastion of Libertarian free expression—right in the heart of Jackson.

I know choosing the politically correct place to eat looks easy. A word of caution, however, for the newly elected—don't try this at home. Knowing when and where to dine in order to maximize political advantage is best left to those of us who are professionals in the field.

Andrew Scott is the pseudonym for the JFP's incognito food writer.