Ellington

Facts? Dr. S don't need no stinkin' facts. Here's proof of that as our raving correspondent Woodward, uh, Fester checks in from Red Stick ...

Fester sez:
"Kudos to the Johnny Rebs for their momentous 17-14 win over Florida Saturday. Get a load of this stat: Ole Miss is now 2-0 in the SEC for the first time since 1970. Eli got the first Manning win over Florida with Peyton being naught for four while Arch never played the Gators. ... And away we go! The Mississippi State slide has begun, with the Bulldogs mailing it in at South Carolina last Saturday. Winless in Division I-A this year, the Dogs host Troy State Saturday, the club that personified the 2001 disaster by shocking the Dogs 21-9 in a lightning-delayed homecoming tilt. Searching for any advantage available, the MSU sports info office points out that The Trojans will be playing their seventh consecutive game in a 12-game slate with no bye weeks. The Dogs, meanwhile, should be much fresher, having only scrimmaged Div. I-AA Jacksonville State, while playing three quarters against Auburn and 2 1/2 at LSU. ... Chrissy Simms, Boy Wonder Mack Brown and 3rd-ranked Texas get another shot at A Big One this Saturday when the Longhorns tangle with 2nd-ranked Oklahoma in Dallas. Research indicates that Mack Brown's next big win will be Mack Brown's first big win. ...

"Big 10 Conference Commissioner Jim Delany determined that Penn State Coach Joe Paterno did not violate the league's rules against unsportsmanlike conduct last Saturday when he grabbed a game official after the Snittany Lions' 42-35 overtime loss to Iowa. Two close calls went against Penn State in the overtime period and the 112-year-old Paterno sprinted toward the tunnel area and grabbed referee Dick Honig before they exited the field. 'All I did was try to stop him because he was running ahead of me ... I said, 'Hey Dick, you had two lousy calls.' Not he, I said the two guys on the other side had two lousy calls.' Fester, no expert in that Pennsylvania dialect Paterno speaks, thinks that means that yeah, he did grab the ref. Commissioner Delany said of the issue: 'Sure, that's something we'd reprimand 10 other coaches in this league for, but I just don't have the (guts) to drop a dime on old Joe.' One of Paterno's highly decorated students of recent vintage, Redskins linebacker LaVar Arrington, was ejected from the game for incessant verbal abuse of the officiating crew from the sidelines."