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[Stiggers] Anegrophobia

<i>"We have nothing to fear but fear itself."

The Right, Reverend, Brother, PHD, DD, JD, M.O.U.S.E., Dr. Peanut of the George Washington Carver Holistic Health Commission of Tuskeegee, Ala., has issued an Anegrophobia mental health epidemic for this city and other cities nationwide.

Runnin' with the Big Dawgs

We were sitting in the office around 7 p.m. last Friday anticipating another "press weekend." Stephen and I were in a heated discussion about some aspect of the upcoming issue when Donna, sitting at one of the computers in our office, let loose with a scream. "It's up!" She backed away from the computer screen as if sudden movements might cause it to lunge at her. "I can't read it."

[Chick] Monkey See, Monkey Do

It's true that all those horrible things you did to your mother will come back to haunt you. I hate it as much as you, believe me. There is nothing more obnoxious than a sanctimonious mother telling a daughter, or son, all the horrible things said mother endured for her child and how all those things will very soon come to pass as some type of divine, maternal retribution to tell the daughter, or son, "I told you so!"

[Taylor] Isn't It Ironic?

"And I want to tell you, ladies and gentlemen, that there's not enough troops in the Army to force the Southern people to break down segregation and admit the negro race into our theatres, into our swimming pools, into our homes and into our churches."

Anywhere But Here

We went crazy in June and painted our sun porch Martha Stewart Monarch Red, a brilliant terra-cotta that glows like a furnace when viewed from the street. It was our first real step toward turning the little brick ranch house in the middle of Northeast Jackson into home. For five years, we had kept the interior in pleasing neutral tones so it would be easier to resell. In my mind I was always leaving, moving onto the next big thing. The elusive place I thought I'd call home was anywhere but here.

[Stiggers] Comb Yo' Head, Wear a Weave, Iron Yo' Clothes

Ladies and gentlemen! The Ghetto Science Team's Get Out and Vote Initiative presents Grandma Pookie's motivational pep talk.

[Parks] Keep the Gum and Buttons

We hear it often. We 18- to 24-year-olds hold the future in our hands. We have the power to swing elections and change America. And come November, when we do this, we'll be armed with hip slogans, slick gimmicks and absolutely no clue about the issues.

[Fry] Why Is It?

A few months ago, the rapper Jadakiss released a great song called "Why." The lyrics of the song really hit a special spot in my mind and my heart—and motivated me to write my own version.

[Wiggs] For the Rest of Your Life?

The winner of the presidential election of 2004 is almost certain to define the composition and direction of the U.S. Supreme Court for at least the next 20 years. And lest you believe that won't make much difference, reconsider the fact that among the issues that the Supreme Court took upon itself to decide in 2000 was who would be our current president. Given the way Election 2004 is shaping up, perhaps the current Supreme Court will be determining who will be our next.

GUEST OPINION: What Trent Lott and I Have in Common

"The last straw is an awesome thing," wrote columnist Deborah Mathis in the Arkansas Times in December. "So small. Seemingly so insignificant. Yet powerful enough to topple careers, ruin lives and break the camel's back. Trent Lott can now attest to the power of the last straw."

[Fry] Dear Mr. President

Dear Mr. President, Saddam is right here in my neighborhood. He is in the third house on the right. Yeah, the one that is all boarded up. So please send the planes, tanks and military to blow up my neighborhood. He has been in this area for quite some time now and quite frankly he is getting on my nerves. After all, my neighborhood could use a remodeling job just like the one Iraq is going to get.

To Live and Die in Dixie

Sometimes the light comes from unexpected places. Last week, I sat down in front of my monitor and my e-mail blooped in. There was one from Jill Conner Browne, the Sweet Potato Queen author. I figured it was about her brand-new funny book, out next week. It wasn't.

[Ladd] ‘Say These Words With Me'

"How is everybody?" Bob Moses asked the congregation in his famous whisper. He paused and then added, "Say these words with me."

MARK WIGGS: Watching for ‘The Quiet American'

"Go see "The Quiet American" before the next war starts, if there's time, even if you have to leave Jackson in your gas-guzzling SUV to go where it's showing."

[Stiggers] Poor Health and Bad Credit

Now that the political season is over, the Stop the Hamhock Decrease the Pork Grease Coalition wants to enlighten the public about Chitterling ("Chitlin") Season, a time during the Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year holidays when varieties of pork products—especially chitlins—are bought and consumed.

[Stiggers] A Transplant for a Brand-New Start

It's another episode of "All God's Churn Got Shoes!" This week Grandma Pookie, Dr. Peanut and the Ghetto Science Team attend a briefing at a stem cell research conference. When conference officials deny the group access to the briefing, filmmaker Michael Moore comes to the rescue. He helps Grandma Pookie and company (disguised as Moore's film production crew) sneak into the briefing.

[Fry] The 50 Cent Test

Lately, every time some politician is talking about education on the TV, on radio or in the newspaper, they're talking about testing. "Accountability." They act like standardized test scores are the only thing important about education. But we need to seriously question that logic. This looks like another case where the people who are making the decisions are not actually the ones doing the work.

[Aziz] Party With a Purpose

The most tragic outcome of the 2000 election debacle is that it added to a list of excuses that Generation Y already has on why they shouldn't bother to vote. When you look at the hang-ups of young voters, the same answers constantly arise. The most popular reason to evade elections seems to be because none of the issues debated at election time affect the young voter. Another reason is because politicians don't target young voters (outside of occasional appearances on MTV programs). However, I think there is a more evident reason: lack of education.

[Acker] My Church's Courage

The consent on Aug. 6, 2003, to the election of Canon Gene Robinson as Bishop Co-Adjutor of New Hampshire filled me with joy and hope. I am an Episcopalian and a member of the Cathedral parish of St. Andrew in Jackson. Many in my community, and some in my parish family, received the news of the decision to confirm an openly gay man as a leader of a diocese with great distress. They saw this as a negative for the Episcopal Church and for the future shape of the Christian community in the United States. I find it overwhelmingly positive—a move on the part of the leadership of the Episcopal Church that will produce both numerical and spiritual growth and will foster the spread of the kingdom of God on earth.

SPANN: Woman's Birthright

Mars, Venus or whatever, men will never understand women. Think about it. From the beginning, the enigma of woman has been shrouded from man in a cloak of mystery. Eve was created while Adam slept. Wouldn't you know? Important work always gets done while men are sleeping. And I don't think he's missed that rib, yet.