Ellington

"Changing marriage is, frankly, above their pay grade. ... This truth is not subject to revision by you, me or the Supreme Court," he said. "We are at the mercy of the Lord God, and there's no place we'd rather be."

— Greg Belser, head pastor of Morrison Heights Baptist Church, on the Supreme Court's decision to strike down same-sex marriage bans.

Why it stinks: God is busy, so he leaves the sordid business of defining marriage to the people made in His image. At one point, a dude would take a few cows, chickens and trinkets to a chick's dad and, wham, he had himself a bride. We don't do it that way any more.

In most parts of the country, plural marriage is verboten, but Mormons have successfully argued that polygamy is a core part of their doctrine. It was only recently that people of different races could marry. Now we have Kimye. OK, maybe that's not the best example. The point is that we keep redefining marriage, and it's up to the courts to make sure those definitions align with the U.S. Constitution, not religious dogma. In fact, it's exactly what we pay the justices to do. And in this case, they got it right.