Ellington

In honor of "Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens" premiering this week, we here at the Jackson Free Press have taken it upon ourselves to figure out how members of the Galactic Empire pay off or avoid student debt. Here are a few of the ways.

Enlist in the Imperial Army. Like the U.S. military, you'd join at officer ranks with a college degree.

Fly by Night Tie-Fighter training. It pays well.

Become a Death Star contractor or Mousebot engineer.

Join as an Imperial Recruiter, bribe others with dark side cookies.

Be an AT-ST handler.

Release your hatred. Become a Dark Lord of the Sith for that pay raise.

For the crafty sort, notice that the textile industry is doing great work with all those organic fibers and weaves.

Be a head janitor for Level 5 of an Imperial I-class Star Destroyer.

Empirical liaison for bounty hunters. Let those guys do the dirty work.

Get a bureaucratic position.

Become a gunners mate first class for a Borstel NK-7 ion cannon array.

Be an Imperial Navy cook, second rank.

Be the person that recharges Taim & Bak XX-9 heavy turbolasers.

Drive a Lambda-class T-4a shuttle.

Become Darth Vader.