Ellington

This is the first time I've talked about this. There have been many reasons I've kept my "secret" in the vault. There's a stigma that comes with it. It's one of those things that carries a lot of shame and guilt.

But then a new friend and JFP freelancer Robin O'Bryant shared something on her blog that helped me to see things differently. She said: "On good days, I can see it with a clarity that borders on being hallucinogenic: My purpose (is) to serve God by serving His people. My purpose is to serve my family, my husband and children, and to share the details of my life for His glory."

During my adult life, I have always asked God to reveal my purpose to me, but I never thought that sharing the details of my life for his glory could be it. However, opening up and being vulnerable allows us to connect with those around us. And it could help someone else out there feel like they're not alone--that someone else shares their struggle.

When we lost our home in Sacramento to foreclosure, I was devastated. How had this happened to my family and me? I had done all the right things you are supposed to do in order to achieve that happy life at the end of the rainbow: I'd gotten good grades in high school; obeyed my parents; attended college; and joined the work force after graduation. I was a good citizen and ate my vegetables. So why was my family going through this?

At the end of 2006, my husband, son and I had moved from a small town in southern California to Sacramento when I was offered a better-paying job. We settled in, started making friends, found a great church and really felt that was where we were going to build our lives long-term. My parents, who were here in Mississippi, had even talked about moving out. So we decided to take that next big grown-up step and upgrade from renting to homeownership.

We searched and searched for the right house, and in the beginning nothing really spoke to us. That should have been our first red flag that the time wasn't right, but I ignored it and forged ahead.

We finally found a house on a quiet street with a treehouse in the backyard, a dog run for our puppy, Duchess, and a little garden area with a white picket fence. We fell in love. My husband, who had been somewhat tentative throughout the process, was actually excited. Even the neighbors were awesome. They came over and introduced themselves while we were checking out the place. They told us about all the kids that lived on the street and how the street held neighborhood block parties, barbecues and Christmas get-to-gethers during the year. This was everything we had hoped for and more. We put in an offer that night.

Sadly, the bad news came the next morning: The owners had already accepted another offer--back to square one.

We were heartbroken about losing the house. Yet, instead of taking time to re-evaluate, I forged ahead. Another red flag.

Eventually, we found a fixer-upper at a good price, and we jumped in. As we began to delve into home improvements, the tab grew bigger and bigger, and our patience grew smaller and smaller.

A year later, we made the decision to move to Mississippi because of my mom's cancer. We couldn't sell our house, and it went into foreclosure--the other evil "f" word.

I know we're not alone in what we went through. Between 2007 and 2009, approximately 2 million American homeowners with subprime mortgages were expected to lose their homes, the Mississippi Economic Policy Center estimated in 2008. And over the last several years, Mississippi has had a greater percentage of mortgages in delinquency and foreclosure than the national average.

Knowing that others were in the same boat didn't change how I saw things, though. I felt like a failure. How could I be so smart, yet still make such a string of bad decisions?

That's when the dark times set in. There were days when I could barely breathe, much less get out of bed. Sadness became my constant companion.

I recently read a study conducted by the University of Pennsylvania published in the October 2009 issue of the American Journal of Public Health America. It looked at the mental-health conditions of Philadelphia homeowners undergoing foreclosure.

The researchers, Drs. Craig Evan Pollack and Julia Lynch, stated that, traditionally, homeowners tended to be healthier than renters, but that the financial and emotional stress of foreclosure had undermined that. Out of the 250 people facing foreclosure they queried, 47 percent reported depressive symptoms and 37 percent met criteria for major depression. Symptoms of major depression include trouble sleeping, feelings of hopelessness and worthlessness, irritability, trouble focusing, fatigue and thoughts of suicide.

Although this study has its limitations, the heart of the matter is clear: Foreclosure is not just about financial and legal shenanigans; it affects your overall sense of well-being and forward mobility.

It has been a long road to accept what happened and move past it--to be able to redefine home. I've come to realize that a home is more than just the bricks and mortar--more than kitchens and bathroom fixtures.

Home is the place where you etch out your life, the place where memories are collected and life is shared. So whether my menfolk and I are playing games in the modest living room of our Ridgeland rental, or we are all sharing a bed during a rainstorm--I have found home again. Because home is wherever those who love me surround me.

I still dream of one day having a place I can call "ours" that reflects our personality in its ascetics and chose of decor. But for now I'm becoming content with where we are. I can't put living on pause just because our circumstances aren't what I had hoped.

I've learned that although "things" are nice to have, I don't really need stuff to be happy. I may fall off the wagon find myself sitting cross-legged in the home section of the bookstore salivating over granite counter tops and a sparkling freshwater kidney-shaped pool complete with water slide--but I'll snap out of it. And who knows: Maybe once I stop dwelling on what I don't have, God will decide I am ready for an upgrade and bless me with something beyond my wildest dreams. But if not, that's OK, too.

Previous Comments

ID

160819

Comment

What an absolutely outstanding and inspirational article. Vulnerability is, I think, one of the best medicines for the time in which we live which is dense with ego-driven living. You have helped lots of folks with their healing in writing this article. Kudos!!!! Jackie Warren Tatum

Author

J.T.

Date

2010-11-10T12:20:45-06:00

ID

160820

Comment

Agreed. I was speechless when I edited it. ShaWanda is an amazing assistant, amazing writer, amazing woman. We are very fortunate to have her as part of the JFP family.

Author

DonnaLadd

Date

2010-11-10T12:25:25-06:00

ID

160824

Comment

Thanks all for your kind words. When we were planning this issue, I just felt that it was time to share our story. Really it wasn't me at all, it was the Lord. It was that still, small voice that I sometimes fail to listen to....but this time I did. I'm glad it has touched others and hope it continues to.

Author

ShaWanda Jacome

Date

2010-11-10T16:44:34-06:00

ID

160826

Comment

Thank the Lawd. What a good Gawd he is? I can feel the joy of your coming in from the cold.

Author

Walt

Date

2010-11-10T17:40:50-06:00

ID

160982

Comment

What an absolutely outstanding and inspirational article.so,good

Author

apple123

Date

2010-11-17T19:01:32-06:00