Ellington

Rudy McBride: "Many of my loyal customers are concerned about how the Let Me Hold Five Dollars National Bank will hold up under the U.S. government and Ghetto Science Team's economic stress tests. My answer to them is: The L.M.H.F.D. National Bank is holding up like Big Money Tight Grip on a sturdy chin-up bar.

"We have a surplus of money to provide our financially challenged customers with small loans that they can, and will, pay back. Our ‘Three to Six Months or Less Take Your Time' loan (a.k.a. Poor Peoples Payment Plan) teaches broke folk to manage the little bit of money they receive.

"The L.M.H.F.D. Grocery Shoppin‘ loan helps poor folk get the food they need when the funds from the WIC voucher card is gone. Our ‘Let Me Hold a Couple Hundred Dollars for Home Improvement and Energy Bill' loan takes the bite out of those high energy bills and expensive, but necessary, home-improvement needs.

"Working poor commuters have nothing but good things to say about our ‘Hoopty Down Payment Finance Program' and ‘I Need a Bus Pass' loans. One of my customers said: ‘The L.M.H.F.D. National Bank always helps me get from point A to B.'

"As long as The L.M.H.F.D. National Bank continues to assist the working class, it will endure the stress and pass the test. Remember our catchy L.M.H.F.D. slogan: ‘We'll let you hold $5, but you got to pay us back.'"