[Hightower] Seven Seconds in Hell

You've got to give Mancow credit. He did it. Erich "Mancow" Muller manned up and rode "the liquid pony," as waterboarding is euphemistically called.

Mancow is yet another right-wing, talk-show yakker who has been berating Barack Obama for declaring that waterboarding is torture. The difference between Mancow and all the other yakkers, however, is that he finally had the integrity to have himself waterboarded.

"I wanted to prove it wasn't torture," he said. "I was willing to prove, and ready to prove, that this was a joke. I really thought, 'I'm going to laugh this off.Ҕ

But, he didn't laugh at all. He was too busy gasping, sputtering and shouting "Oh, God" as he scrambled off the tilted board.

He had lasted only seven seconds.

"It's way worse than I thought it would be, and that's no joke," a shaken Muller confessed. Still gasping, he admitted that waterboarding is "absolutely torture." A little later, he added, "I mean, that's drowning. If I knew it was gonna be this bad, I would not have done it."

Nonetheless, this candid splash of reality has not stopped other right-wing media sparklies from continuing their on-air fantasies about the propriety of waterboarding. Mancow says that he even got a call from the always-supercilious Sean Hannity, who insisted that no matter how bad the experience was, "It's still not torture."

Oh? So why doesn't he find out for himself? In April, Hannity said that he would gladly consent to be waterboarded. "I'll do it for charity," he proclaimed. Wow, "Waterboard Sean Hannity for Charity!" That could turn into a pay-per-view spectacular with millions tuning in to watch.

Alas, Hannity is a fink who has no integrity. Weeks have passed, and he won't even talk about his promise, much less lay his body on the board. But, if you want to urge him to be a man and do it, as Mancow did, here's a Web site to check out: http://www.waterboardseanhannityforcharity.com.

Jim Hightower is a national radio commentator, writer, public speaker and author of "Thieves In High Places: They've Stolen Our Country And It's Time to Take It Back." He says he has taken on the role of battling the Powers That Be on behalf of the Powers That Ought To Be—consumers, working families, environmentalists, small businesses and just plain folks.


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