Ellington

No, not the TV show, you guys; I'm talking about that taste of responsibility mixed with caffeine and magnesium sulfate that is real life. Now that I'm entering my senior year of high school, I'm beginning to be loaded up with my fair share of "stuff" to do. And now more than ever I'm asking myself the question, "Just when the hell is all this work going to pay off … if it ever does?

Let me recap the month of June for you: hospital job ... to JFP ... to dance class ... to theatre job. If I had to estimate, that equals up to about 27.25 hours a day, or somewhere thereabouts. Oh, and throw in fun somewhere, too; that equals up daily to about 39 minutes.

Was I necessarily complaining, though? Of course not! On every wind I could sense opportunity, whether it was monetarily or educationally speaking. What college or university wouldn't love to see a teenage published writer who dances both Cuban and smooth styles and rolls around in dirt playing softball all while taking four AP classes and doing research on preeclampsia induced via placental ischemia in pregnant women using rat models?

That's what I thought.

But now y'all, I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. The colleges begging for me and willing to throw considerable chunks of change my way are my "last resorts" (though that doesn't mean I wouldn't enjoy myself and thrive while there); my determination (and, yes, expectation) that I would go someplace quite far away and see the world from a new region's perspective is heading into a tailspin with no signs of stopping. I feel as if I'm failing myself because I'm continually stumped by standardized tests, and I have finally opened my eyes and realized that just because some schools want you oh so badly doesn't mean they have any intention of throwing a penny your way, no matter how poor and talented you are.
But this fight isn't over. Don't you dare try to put Sarah Rutland in a corner, she'll come claws-out and aim for the jugular. I may not have the money to do everything I want in life, but dammit I've got the brains and the talent, so watch out Real World … because a Real Strong Young Woman is heading into the fray. And you know I'll be wearing something cute.