Ellington

For information on how to protect your vote, please visit Jackpedia.com.

If you have been living under a rock and somehow managed to avoid the election that seems to have been going on for my entire life, here is a quick A-Z guide of the issues, talking points, jokes and other ridiculous election nonsense you should know before you vote on Nov. 4. You are planning to vote, right?

A: Abortion
People keep saying this is the pivotal issue of the election. Really? Has anyone checked their bank account lately?

B: Ballot
"The ballot is stronger than the bullet." —Abraham Lincoln

C: Community
Community activism is for everyone.

D: Democracy
Democracy is a government by the people and for the people. The only way to make that a reality is to vote.

E: Economy
The day is coming when I am going to have to choose between gas, food or rent and that is sad.

F: Fannie & Freddie
Fannie and Freddie are counting on you.

G: Gasoline
What are we going to fuel our cars with when the oil runs out? Gnomes? Guinea pigs? Giant geese?

H: History
This is the most important election of our generation's history and I don't want to miss it.

I: I Voted Today
"I voted today" is unequivocally the best fashion accessory of the last four years.

J: Joe the Plumber
He doesn't represent me or my friends and I don't want to see him in the news anymore.

K: Kittens
Voters are as cute as a bottomless box of kittens.

L: Lifetime
The length of time we will spend in Iraq if McCain wins. Yikes.

M:Michelle
Obama
A strong, independent woman who doesn't even have to shoot animals from helicopters to prove it.

N: No Child Left Behind
Wait, they've been left behind for years! Vote-our kids are counting on it.

O: Old People
The old people manning the polls are always super nice.

P: Political Appointments
The next president will appoint more than 3,000 government employees, and we don't want another Karl Rove on our hands.

Q: Queer Equality
Haven't we already learned what decades of oppression does to a group of people?

R: Revolution
"In times of universal deceit, telling the truth will be a revolutionary act." —George Orwell

S: Sean Hannity
Like it or not, people will do whatever he tells them to.

T: Tina Fey
Tina Fey asked us to please make sure she doesn't have to keep being Sarah Palin on Saturday Night Live. The only way to make that happen is to vote.

U: Universal Health Care
Universal heath care means more beautiful people.

V: Vision
"True originality consists not in a new manner but in a new vision." —Edith Warton

W: W
As in George W. The one thing we can be sure of on Nov. 4 is that ole' dubbya won't be returning to office.

X: Xenophobia
Xenophobia is not a good White House accessory.

Y: Yes, We Can
Yes, we can. … change the world one vote at a time.

Z: Zoloft
We'll all need a four year prescription if McCain wins.