Ellington

Mr. Announcement: "In the ghetto criminal justice system, the people are represented mostly by two members of the McBride family: Dudley 'Do-Right' McBride, police officer and part-time security guard at the Funky Ghetto Mall, and attorney Cootie McBride of the law firm McBride, myself and I. This is their story."

('Law and Order' in an SUV graphic appears. Dudley and Cootie are cruising the ghetto streets in an SUV.)

Cootie: "What's our agenda today, Dudley?"

Dudley: "Investigate a disturbance at Mr. Habib's Convenience Store and Gas Mart."

Cootie: "OK, I heard folk are waiting in a long line, fighting for gasoline and their lives."

Dudley: "True. Mr. Habib had to call the Ladies in Church Hats Praise Patrol (Rebuke and Beat Down Security Unit) to maintain order at the pumps. Anyone caught cutting the line, providing illegal services, siphoning gas or hijacking the gas truck will be rebuked, beaten down and taken to Rev. Cletus' three-hour Ten Commandments and Beatitudes Bible Study Rehab Class.

Cootie: "Yeah! I heard Rev. Cletus turned one of his Double Dutch church buses into a paddy wagon."

(As Cootie and Dudley enter Mr. Habib's convenience store and gas mart, a Double Dutch church bus full of angry drivers passes by.)

Dudley (approaching Mr. Habib): "Everything OK?"

Mr. Habib: "Look at all the mass confusion outside! This gas and economic crisis makes me nervous. Angry people, abandoned cars and no more gas!"

Cootie: "Oh my! I see a rebuke and beatdown in progress."

Doink, doink!