Ellington

It's 2008. Do you know where your kids are? Better yet, do you know what they're plotting behind those closed bedroom doors, between cell phone texts and e-mails on MySpace or Facebook? Do you really "know'' what they're doing? Know this. When a 15-year-old is shot down on a street corner at 2 a.m. or three 10-year-olds are accused of hatching a plot to kill a teacher, something has gone wrong in the matrix.

As a parent, I know that there's nothing new under the sun. As a rapper, I realize that kids today are exposed to a lot more things a lot faster than even my contemporaries have been. In this new age of technology, cell phones and personal computers make the lines of communication reach much farther, much faster. I've long held the opinion that they have hastened the maturing process for our kids while stretching the learning curve for parents. Sure, you feel safer if your kids have instant access via a cell phone. And yes, PCs prevent you from taking time from the TV to help with that book report. But they also make your kids vulnerable to outside stimuli.

Our kids are exposed to sex, drugs and crime on a daily basis ... at school. No matter how good or how immune you think your child may be, they're friends with someone who has done one, or all three. Deal with it. From Jackson Academy to Jim Hill, no school exists in a bubble. You can either prepare your kids for the real world, or you can give your teen the G-rated version of an R-rated story. Denial is a killer. Literally.

Folks, there are 16-year-olds making thousands of dollars a night selling dope all over this city. They leave the corner just in time to make their first class. There's a 15-year-old in the burbs popping pills before soccer practice. There's a 14-year-old girl who looks like she's 21, dating someone twice her age. All this under the seemingly watchful eye of adults. Do we dismiss it, or do we acknowledge that there's a new breed of kid these days: one who is not necessarily smarter but much more brash.

Look, you don't magically get parenting skills just because you have kids. Hell, I still don't know what I'm doing sometimes. But you have to concede that it's hard work. Some parents are simply phoning it in. Listening (not judging), questioning strange behavior and a little snooping are all a part of the job. Privacy for your kid only goes so far, so don't believe their hype. You're disappointed by kids today? I'm disappointed by some of the parents and guardians I see. A colleague who works for Jackson Public Schools told me recently, "When the kids leave school at 3, the parents should be coming in at 4,'' and I fully concur. Maybe then you'd know if your son is out selling drugs in the wee hours. Or maybe it would raise a red flag if you see your youngest stuffing rope and duct tape in his backpack with the intent to tie up and kill his third-grade teacher. (Seriously, check those backpacks).

It's not easy being a parent. It's a selfless job. It's a lot harder being a kid today, though. Stop trying to be the cool mom or dad and be the parent that your kids "hate." They'll love you for it in the long run.

And that's the truth … sho-nuff.

Previous Comments

ID

76589

Comment

Kaze, you are right on target. Young parents ought to have to take a parenting class. A friend told me that she was appalled at a Christmas gathering that she attended at which a six year old was handed a beer just like it were a soda pop. Our priorities totally out of whack. Too many people are worried about your pants sagging rather than being worried about whether children are getting an education to pull their MINDS up or whether babies are drinking beer and smoking.

Author

FreeClif

Date

2008-04-10T09:43:39-06:00

ID

76590

Comment

I agree. Please keep in mind that parents are younger today than they were when we were kids. I know people my age who are grandparents and that's a far stretch from what I saw growing up. The kids have NO chance at escaping the way of the world when their parents - just older kids themselves- are still so heavily involved in it themselves. I for one can attest to the fact that you are not a great parent just because you got a kid. However, I can say that if the parents would pattern the raising of their kids to the way their parents or grandparents raised them, we'd have a much better hold on this. Not only that but in today's society it's very difficult for a parent. First off, the economy is such that one job doesn't cut it. Parents have to either have two jobs or the must do the not so favorable things they must do to provide for their kids. And unfortunately it has gotten to the point where most of those things are illegal. And thus, add to the buring flames of that kid gone wrong. What they see, is just what they are. So if you as a parent are not providing that image, you need to watch your kids friends because it comes from somewhere. For me a child has no business on myspace. I think the age requirement should be 18. I am way older than that and some of the things I run across on myspace sends shutters up my spine. And if the parent isn't guiding the kids while on myspace I will bet my last dime that they'd be dumbfounded to find what those kids have going on on their pages. It's crazy.

Author

Queen601

Date

2008-04-10T14:36:30-06:00

ID

76591

Comment

You are right on Queen with the insight about parents being burned out on two jobs. I used to be one of them. I used to work one job from 8:30 to 4:30 and then go straight to the second where I got off after midnight. Trying to stack...I didn't see a lot of my son sometimes! And now, I'm one of those young grandparents! I know of a situation in which a young girl was being sexually molested. The father was incarcerated and the mother was working two jobs to make ends meet. DHS took the child from the mother when the abuse allegations were investigated. It is hard out there for a young parent. The safety nets are failing or non-existent for our children.

Author

FreeClif

Date

2008-04-10T17:01:16-06:00

ID

76592

Comment

A friend told me that she was appalled at a Christmas gathering that she attended at which a six year old was handed a beer just like it were a soda pop. Our priorities totally out of whack. Too many people are worried about your pants sagging rather than being worried about whether children are getting an education to pull their MINDS up or whether babies are drinking beer and smoking. That reminds me of the recent story of the guy who gave his two toddler nephews pot while the mother was napping in another room. Please keep in mind that parents are younger today than they were when we were kids. I know people my age who are grandparents and that's a far stretch from what I saw growing up. The kids have NO chance at escaping the way of the world when their parents - just older kids themselves- are still so heavily involved in it themselves. Right. Immature people beget immature people. Remember back in the day when your parents would say, "If you have a baby, you're not going to any parties or proms. You're going to sit at home and take care of that baby." Well, these days, they'll take the baby to the parties with them. Another angle is how verbally abusive some young parents can be. I can't tell you how many times I heard young mothers say, "GET YOU A-- IN THIS HOUSE, M----- F-----!" Then the child gets a little older, has a kid or two and does the same thing.

Author

LatashaWillis

Date

2008-04-11T11:42:39-06:00

ID

76593

Comment

This is a parent who needs a clue: http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/24009077/ I can't get over parents allowing their kids, especially middle school kids, on myspace, bebo, etc. That's insane.

Author

emilyb

Date

2008-04-12T09:56:07-06:00

ID

76594

Comment

You can't stop kids from being on MySapce etc. They don't need you or a computer in the home to maintain a page. You can create as much dialogue as possible about what's on the page, appropriate behavior, safety. Forbidding them from being on these sites doesn't work because you absolutely cannot control that. Children with behavioral problems don't behave badly because of MySpace. Follow them around that they act that like that in real life. MySpace et al is just another place to act out.

Author

msgrits

Date

2008-04-12T10:56:35-06:00

ID

76595

Comment

I'm not sure if it's so much the age of the parents that's a problem as it is other forces influencing children these days. Our grandparents and great-grandparents were having babies in their teens--and that was very common--but they raised their children with much more stern discipline and moral values than now. Plus, in those days, it really did take a village to raise a child. Listen to the old folks who would tell that if an adult saw a child do wrong, he or she would spank the child, then tell the parents and the child got another spanking. Also then, there was no TV, no radio, no Internet and no cell phones, in addition to two-parent homes being more of the norm. I do believe parents these days are more immature than before, which does play a part in why children are going down the wrong path.

Author

golden eagle

Date

2008-04-12T21:03:24-06:00

ID

76596

Comment

I disagree with that one msgrits....I don't like allowing my child to do something because he "could" have access to it somewhere else. I just don't think middle school kids should be a part of that type of community at that stage in their development. Pre-teen girls are already hard enough on themselves without being part of a community that has the imagery involved. For example, the quizzes at the top asking "Are you fat?," "Are you hot?," etc. And I understand what you are saying about opening the dialogue. I do agree with that. I've just seen eleven and twelve year olds with "sexy" and "hot" public profiles. Just think that age group is vulnerable enough, and I know for a fact that kids appreciate boundaries and a good NO when it's something that is beyond their maturity level.

Author

emilyb

Date

2008-04-13T08:55:12-06:00

ID

76597

Comment

I think msgrits was meaning was even though you don't allow it at home they have too much access to computers at friends houses, school, libraries and even their cell phones, they will have a myspace page reguardless of what you allow them to to at home and you will never know or be able to stop them.

Author

BubbaT

Date

2008-04-13T16:06:57-06:00