[Stiggers] Hands Off My Mower

Sista Announcement: "Coming soon to A.T. & T. (i.e., Aunt Tee Tee) cable television is a fresh new chitlin' circuit gospel comedy called 'We Can Keep a Good Riding Lawnmower in the Ghetto.'

"It's a beautiful—'This is the day that the Lawd has made'—Saturday morning. Rev. Cletus just mowed and trimmed the lawn that surrounds the 'Rev. Cletus Car Sales Church.' He parks his riding lawnmower on the gated side of the church. After he locks the gate, he spots Momma Church Hat making her rounds on Praise Patrol. He greets her at the church's steps."

Rev. Cletus: "Good morning, Sista!"

Momma Church Hat: "Praise Him, Reverend!"

Rev. Cletus: "Every time I breathe, Sista! You and your sisters have been diligent with the Praise Patrol."

Momma Church Hat: "We beefed up our security because crimes against the church have increased. The love of many—from the rich and famous to the poor and infamous—has waxed cold; nothing is sacred anymore."

Rev. Cletus: "Even daughters and sons sue their mothers and fathers on Judge Judy, while most of the poor resort to crime. (He discovers his riding lawnmower is stolen.) I rebuke that thief in the name of Jesus!"

Momma Church Hat: "We have your back, Reverend. My sisters have caught and rebuked the thief for you. He's getting a good Church Hat Family five-pound 'Ruth Buzzi as Gladys the Spinster on Laugh-In' pocketbook beat down."


Use the comment form below to begin a discussion about this content.

Sign in to comment