Ellington

Sometimes we need help. Whether it's getting out of a job, getting out of your head or getting a whole new life, some things just aren't do-it-yourself projects if you want to do them well.

I have to admit, however, that my first impression of "personal coaching" involved visions of a stranger invading my life, creating checklists, calling at 5 a.m., blowing athletic whistles, creating time pie charts and nagging me about all the time I spend playing Spider solitaire. (It's a form of meditation, OK?) Now I'm rethinking those impressions. Maybe it does make sense to hire someone to help you get your life moving, especially if you've been stuck in the same old place for forever. The key is to be ready for a change.

Life coaching has been around for at least a decade, according to Wikipedia, and it has roots in the executive coaching so popular in corporate America. I first heard of it about five years ago, but since then I have never met anyone who had a life coach, much less known a real live life coach. Then, out of the blue, came an invitation to a Christmas open house. That was my first exposure to Beverly Keaton Smith—Millsaps alumna, Druthers Sister, author and life coach.

Smith is a petite woman in her early 40s with an impish smile and twinkling blue eyes. She sits cross-legged, barefoot and comfortable in her living room next to a bay window overlooking the lake. Well-mannered cats wander in and out. Like me, Smith entered Millsaps as an adult student and found her years there a period of great personal growth.

"Look how your life can change when you're surrounded by support and people who believe in you!" she says. She credits Millsaps professor Frances Coker with helping her finding her true profession. Coker, she says, "was a life coach before the word was ever invented."

Smith wants her clients to live their lives more authentically: "This means living the life that you came here to live, in alignment with your soul's purpose and in alignment with the values that you most want to honor." Her goal as a coach is to form an equal partnership with each client that supports and encourages them as they identify and enhance existing skills and talents. She doesn't tell clients what to do. Her focus is on helping them determine their true desires and how they want to achieve them. She grins and says, "Some people just don't know what they want." Coaching can help.

Coaching has similarities and differences to therapies provided by licensed social workers, counselors and other professionals. One huge difference is that coaching requires no license or certification, though Smith believes regulation is coming. "Right now anyone can hang up a sign, which is troubling," she says. "It's important to me. … I'll be training for the rest of my life."

Smith received certification in 2003 from Coaches Training Institute in the co-active model, which stresses that client and coach are equal in the relationship. The CTI program is one of many approved by the International Coach Federation, a non-profit organization that "seeks to preserve the integrity of coaching around the globe."

Unlike traditional therapists, life coaches focus solely on the present and moving the client forward. They do not diagnose psychological problems or dissect past experiences. Traditional therapists, however, may serve as coaches. One extreme example of this might be the counselors working with Katrina victims and effectively coaching them into a new future.

Life coaches often work exclusively through telephone or Internet sessions, but Smith usually begins her relationships with a two-hour face-to-face intake session. After that, she coaches the client by phone for 30 or 40 minutes either three or four times a month. There are benefits. Smith says clients are often more comfortable at home. Clients and coaches can also relate across state lines, a plus in states like Mississippi where the number of certified coaches is low. Smith resists Internet coaching, however, because it's important to hear the client's voice.

Smith recommends a three-month minimum coaching commitment, though six months is ideal. After one year, however, her personal philosophy is "kick them out of the nest." Something is just not working. They should be flying by now! She charges $200 for the intake session and then $200 per month, with additional fees for extra sessions or workshops. Smith also holds group sessions in her home by the lake.

Previous Comments

ID

84452

Comment

I like the "life coach" concept. I watch "Starting Over" almost every day, and it amazed me how Rhonda, Iyanla and Dr. Katz relate to these women and what they need to change their lives. If you've never seen the show, go to http://www.startingovertv.com

Author

LatashaWillis

Date

2006-01-22T10:54:19-06:00

ID

84453

Comment

Several people have asked me about "Starting Over" since this article came out. Since I seldom watch tv, I have not seen this show. Fellow coaches have told me that the show does not give a realistic portrayal of life coaching. It seems the "clients" on the show are in very difficult places and this creates a lot of drama on the show. After all, this is reality television! Most people who hire a life coach are not quite so troubled. (I know someone who auditioned to be on the show. She was turned away because she didn't have enough problems.) Many people hire a coach because want to create and live a more meaningful life. A life coach helps a client gain clarity around goals or dreams. After clarity is reached, a coach supports the client in taking steps to achieve that dream. Coaches also hold people accountable for doing what they say they want to do. For example, if procrastination is preventing someone from realizing their dream, the accountability piece can help a person break out of that self-defeating mode. While "Starting Over" does bring publicity to the field of life coaching, the image is presents about life coaching is questionable. Beverly Keaton Smith

Author

BKS

Date

2006-01-27T21:16:23-06:00

ID

84454

Comment

For example, if procrastination is preventing someone from realizing their dream, the accountability piece can help a person break out of that self-defeating mode. What is the accountability piece?

Author

LatashaWillis

Date

2006-01-27T22:23:09-06:00

ID

84455

Comment

Thanks for asking LW...I can see where my last post was confusing. When I am coaching a client, I listen for clues that tell me what she (or he) wants to accomplish. I suggest a homework assignment which relates to what the client says she wants to do. We set a deadline for completion of the assignment. I ask her to follow up by letting me know (usually through e-mail) that she has completed the homework assignment. (This is holding a client accountable for doing what she said she would do) This action item usually leads a client a step closer toward reaching her goals or dream. (dreams without action = fantasy!) For example...a client might say...I really need to get my office organized so I can be more productive and less stressed. I would say, what is one thing you can do to make your office more organized? She might reply...Clean out my desk. So, I suggest a homework assignment of cleaning out the desk. She has the option to accept, refuse or counteroffer. (She might counteroffer and say that she would rather hire an organizer! If that is the case, her assignment changes to getting a consultation with an organizer set up.) If she accepts the homework assignment, we set a deadline and she lets me know when she has cleaned out her desk. If she does not clean our her desk, we might coach around her reasons for not following through on her action item. If she completes the assignment, we would most likely spend a little time during our next session celebrating her accomplishment. Hope that helps! Beverly Keaton Smith

Author

BKS

Date

2006-01-27T22:55:32-06:00

ID

84456

Comment

Thanks for the explanation. Procrastination is the story of my life - that's why I HAD to know!!!

Author

LatashaWillis

Date

2006-01-27T23:12:37-06:00