Ellington

Still Bill the Funk Doctor: "Happy holidays, groovy people! This is your 'funk doctor' broadcasting live from the Ghetto Science Team's Telecommunications Center, WGST, 107-and-a-half on your raggedy radio. You've been listening to the holiday hip-hop sounds of D.J. M-Dog's mixtape titled 'Crunk fo' Christmas.' More music is on the way, after these community announcements.

"Brotha Hustle and the Qweem-O-Wheat man are on a mission to keep you warm this holiday season with the Meals on Wheels Hot Toddy Patrol. During the cold spell, the hustling dynamic duo will serve the senior citizens and other folk hot bowls of 'dee-wishous' Queem-O-Wheat and apple-cinnamon flavored Juicy-Juice hot-toddy beverages. Remember: Spirit-based flavorings such as brandy, rum and whiskey are available; please whisper your request to Brotha Hustle. Hot treats are coming to your 'hood, y'all! Watch for the Qweem-O-Wheat Meals on Wheels truck and listen for the Christmas honky horn.

"Miss Doodle-Mae and the Church Hat Sisters invite members of the community to the Christmas Shopping Self-Defense technique class. Nurse Tootie McBride—who holds fifth-degree black belts in Karate and Jujitsu—will be the guest instructor. Call 1-800-BEAT-DOWN for more information.

"And the Kwanzaa Patrol says, 'Harambee, let's pull together!'

"I dedicate this portion of Community Announcements to Lil' Sista Church and Lil' Tiny Bit—employees at the suburban 'Y'all Mart.' Currently, they are on a 15-minute break during a double 12-hour shift.

"Happy holidays! Stay strong! Do no wrong!"