Ellington

I spoke to a roomful of young chicks recently. We were all packed into the charming old depot in Forest, Miss., some 40 miles from where I grew up in Neshoba County. They've renovated the building into a downtown art gallery and performance space in a small town where such cultural offerings are unusual.

I wasn't quite sure what to say to these young women, mothers and guardians who attended the Mother-Daughter Social, put together by the Partnership for a Healthy Scott County. They just told me I had 30 minutes to talk to these young women—pre-teens and early teens, whom they characterized as "at risk"—about making good choices as young women.

As my assistant, Natalie Collier, and I drove there on a Friday night, I alternately tried to apply mascara by the light of her car makeup mirror and think about what the idea of "choices" means to me. I didn't prepare much to say, figuring a group of 75 young women didn't want to hear a 30-minute canned speech. I wore pink and black, figuring that they were girls, and if all else failed, maybe they would dig my outfit.

As we ate our catered dinner, I watched the young women—mostly black, a few white—sit a bit stiffly at the menagerie of tables throughout the gallery. The art on the walls ranged from paintings of romantic Old South landscapes to slaves picking cotton. The young women, from schools throughout the area, were dressed in suits, dresses and neat pants with chic jackets. They were on best behavior as the classical music played in the background.

The organizers explained to the young women that the idea was to expose them to different things—from the music most probably don't hear everyday to the art on the walls to ballroom dance demonstrations to the speech I was about to give to tell them about my upbringing in Neshoba County and the choices I had made.

When I stood up, I was a little nervous, figuring they'd fidget my boring butt out of there in five minutes. But when I started talking about my mother and the limited choices she'd had as a young woman, they seemed riveted. I talked to them about the bad choices my mother had made, the two alcoholic husbands who alternately delighted us and made our lives hell, how she hadn't had a lick of education growing up.

I told them about how the most important thing to her was for me to have choices like education and freedom so I didn't think I had to marry young—she married at 14 to get away from an overbearing father—or find a man to take care of me. She wanted me to be able to take care of myself in every way possible. Then, she'd say, I'd find myself a "good" man, one who wouldn't hurt me, bleed dry my bank account and my soul, one who would respect my choices, too. She had learned those lessons the hard way.

They listened to me describe how I wanted to know everything there was to know growing up, to escape a state where I thought there were not choices for being myself, a place where early marriage and babies, too often followed by misery and divorce, seemed to be the primary choice for young women.

I told them about choosing to leave the state, then to drop out of law school, first to become a DJ (young audiences love that part) and then to pursue my heart-and-soul dream of writing for a living. Choose to do what you love, and then work incredibly hard, and then even harder, and the livelihood will follow, I told them. But don't dare cut off those choices.

I spoke about alcohol and drugs and how their abuse limits your choices. I told them about working to be strong enough to resist the bad boys—and later men—who would make promises and then leave them, perhaps with too many mouths to feed.

The young women were attentive and appreciative—and actually fidgeted very little, considering. One, dressed in a mod Emma Peel-style dress (even if she didn't know it), ran up and hugged me afterward, then giggled and ran away before I could even learn her name. Some of the mothers walked up and thanked me, looking knowingly into my eyes, clearly contemplating the hard row to hoe many of these dynamic young women would face.

What I didn't tell the young women is that they are growing up in the worst state for women. I love Mississippi to its core and am invested in it, but I know well its limitations. So many young women leave—me, the day after graduating from State—because simply speaking our minds can get us labeled and disparaged. Mississippi is, routinely, the most violent state for women, with more women killed here by men with guns than in any other state.

And this state, perhaps more than any other, uses an entire group of women as political whipping girls. In a state with the most poverty—along with our best sister Louisiana—more women are forced to have children we cannot care for than in any other state, and are then harangued with the "single mother" (and/or "welfare mother") epithet. And in a state where the women's movement had a huge impact even if few people noticed, men—Democrats, Republicans and other—believe if they just imply that we're sluts they can say anything about us or legislate against our rights to choose whether we are prepared to raise children in this poor state.

To me, the word "choice" is about so much more than abortion rights. But abortion rights are an integral part of women being able to escape abusive homes and poverty. Through education and delayed motherhood, women can raise healthy children who themselves understand and respect the power of making choices.

The ability of individuals to make good choices for themselves and their families depends on women's ability to make decisions for ourselves with no thought to political consequence. It is simply too late to put the genie of choice back into the bottle. We cannot go back.

Previous Comments

ID

71812

Comment

Wonderful story that I'm not even qualified to comment on, but I do have one question. Why did you use the word "abuse" instead of "use" of drugs? Now, I realize people are going to do what they desire too anyway. Was there a strategy to that choice of words?

Author

Ray Carter

Date

2006-03-15T18:03:48-06:00

ID

71813

Comment

Well, I didn't think about it much when I typed it. But I guess you could say I have more European ideas about drinking wine and other alcohol in moderation -- I believe alcohol is more abused when it is forbidden, and young people have to sneak around and drink. That's when binging happens, as well as fatal accidents. And I think it's absurd that a young person can legally marry, have children and be sent to war (based on lies, no less), but cannot legally have a glass of wine or a beer. Absurd. As for drugs, I hate 'em. All of em. Including the legal presciption drugs that people abuse. It's hard to get me to take aspirin. But I don't believe in the drug war (although I used to). It's not working, and is making the situation worse. The important thing, again, is choices. Make sure that young men and women have choices and opportunities to do rewarding things other than get drunk and do drugs.

Author

DonnaLadd

Date

2006-03-15T18:20:58-06:00

ID

71814

Comment

I thought long and hard last night about whether I was really qualified to speak on this issue. I concluded that we males have a role to play too with regards to showing our daugters the heights of their possibilities. First of all, I think it's our responsiblity to provide the first good role model for our daughters. We should tell and show by actions and deeds how a man is suppose to treat a woman. We should teach and display self-worth, respect, personal accomplishment, good judgment, peace, serenity, love, and so on, so that our daughter won't be unfamiliar with it or oblivious to how to get it. Male players, pimps and the likes say the easiest girl to string out and abuse is the one who didn't get these things from home. Too often it's the ones who didn't have a father figure. It's also our responsibility to check out, discern the nature of, and intimidate the joker trying to date our daughters. What's wrong with going in the living room where they are, sitting between them, and telling your daughter how much you love her then flip-mouthed saying if anybody ever harms or abuse you I will kill the som_____. Or walking around the house with your gun or pistol handle hanging out your brithes. Or taking the boy to the gun range and shooting the dummy (the other dummy - not the boy) in the balls or strotum areas repeatedly. Or having your friend come over while obviously carrying weapons too. If the boy is serious and with the right intentions none of this will bother him. There was a girl in my school I wanted to date for some of the wrong reasons but I had been told her momma shot at a boy a year ot two earlier. I drove by the house many times but the car just wouldn't stop. We may have to explain to our daughters the consequences of overindulging in vices and how to look at the big picture. For example, why it is better to have a boyfriend with a plan for the future as opposed to a low-life slickster just trying to get him some. After all, most of us know this guy well from when he lived in us.

Author

Ray Carter

Date

2006-03-16T10:14:14-06:00

ID

71815

Comment

We may have to explain to our daughters the consequences of overindulging in vices and how to look at the big picture. For example, why it is better to have a boyfriend with a plan for the future as opposed to a low-life slickster just trying to get him some. Ray, I agree that "explaining" is a good idea. But it is even more important to "model"—as you said, as a good man and father, but mothers also need to model strength and the ability to speak up and not take crap off the men in their lives. Young women must be taught to be strong enough to resist the kind of guys most likely to cheat on them, or to believe that it's somehow their fault that certain men are buttwipes. I strongly believe that ways to do that often have nothing to do with men. I know I gained strength by having two older brothers who loved to discuss (and argue) politics with me when we were all in the same town (they were much older; thus, I didn't grow up in the house with them). I would listen, and they would ask me for my opinion when I was only 12 or 13. Then they wouldn't condescend to me by always agreeing with me. Thus, I learned to expect this kind of respect from the other men I would encounter in my life. This is partly why the whole "choices" thing is so vital to me. It is very difficult for a young woman to learn to be strong against male abuse if all she does is watch her mother stay with men who beat her or cheat on her "because of the children." Now, this is the '50s crap that a lot of people would like to go back to! The good ole days! No, I strongly believe that a young woman will learn more vital lessons from a mother who stands up and says, "I am better than this. I deserve better than this." However imperfect my dear mother was on the relationship front -- and so much of that came from her lack of education and, thus, choices -- she did learn greater inner strength as I grew up and she was able to get away from her second alcoholic husband. And I learned from her that we women have to draw our boundaries. That doesn't mean I haven't some stinker boyfriends since then -- one in particular -- but I did have enough strength to get out of a situation rather than marrying into it, as too many women do. And economic choice is so important to the ability to make wise and healthy decisions. Nothing is more heart-breaking than watching a woman get pregnant several times by a lying, cheating husband who she then believes she cannot leave. Then the children too often grow up modeling that behavior. Thus, the "choice" issue begins long before abortion rights come into the equation. But it does not end before that point especially for women who were "loved" dearly by men who would not use protection and then take off when she announces that she's pregnant. I believe strongly in ELIMINATING as many abortions as possible, but not the CHOICE of a woman not to bring a child in the world that she is not prepared to raise and nurture into a healthy human being.

Author

DonnaLadd

Date

2006-03-16T10:27:09-06:00

ID

71816

Comment

Wow, Donna, I agree with you on the abortion issue. I was brought up not really talking about sex and went through the first 21 years of my life not being sexually active, but I knew how things worked (for the most part). I knew I wasn't ready to be a father or put myself in a position to contract an std, even though I knew there were things I could do to REDUCE those chances. My high school girlfriend got pregnant our senior year in high school--- by my best friend. She also contracted herpes. She had the baby, though she thought hard about not going through with it. I don't believe in abortion. I abhor it. But like you Donna I realize that I make choices everyday that people may not agree with, and that is my choice. Only I can do something about that. The same is true with those faced with the issue of being a parent or not, regardless of their age. Regardless of how I might not approve, it's not my right to choose.

Author

c a webb

Date

2006-03-16T10:41:58-06:00

ID

71817

Comment

I'm with you on this everyone for that matter. I don't think they should be in a dungeon, i don't think everyone should accept them as a fact of life either. Do the protesters offer alternatives or is it just "MURDERER MURDERER" I guess there are both kinds. Where are the people out front not protesting but just offering education? I haven't seen them. I think the doctors/clinics should offer alternatives and try to persuade potential "clients" to look for alternatives. A lot of people forget that it is a business, and the Docs aren't driving Yugo's. No matter how many people protest. BTW webb if it makes you feel any better, in 5th grade when MTV was talkinb aout AIDS and condoms became popular to talk about, i was so in the dark i thought they went on your tongue. After HORRIBLE HORRIBLE aftertaste(worse than Miller High Life) I learned.

Author

*SuperStar*

Date

2006-03-16T11:21:28-06:00

ID

71818

Comment

Donna I lurve you! This is such a powerful discussion. I think so often men forget how important they are to the future of their daughters. How magnificent it would be for more to realize that it would be much harder for their girls to pick jerks should they know what a real and good man should be from birth. Sigh... Must blog about this.

Author

tiffitch

Date

2006-03-16T11:22:09-06:00

ID

71819

Comment

Excellent response, Donna. It's agreed also that boys gotta learn to do a better job by way of not getting a girl pregnant. It's not that hard to do. I fathered a son (my only child) when I was 20. I didn't want a child outside of marriage but his mother thought she would hook me permanently by getting pregnant, according to what she later told me. I eventually believed as she often stated that she knew what she was doing and stopped taking any precautionary measures. I should have controlled that situation since I was the oldest and didn't want a child under those circumstances. She didn't need a child by someone who had no plans of marrying or being near her. I immediately accepted fatherhood without a paternity test, and know my son, all relatives from both sides, and probably his mother, would say I was a good father. But this doesn't take away the fact that I wasn't present as my son as he grew up.

Author

Ray Carter

Date

2006-03-16T11:25:23-06:00

ID

71820

Comment

I just found out for sure that I have a little bit of sense although I don't have a daughter. Moments ago, I read an article callled "Glorification of Pimps, Prostitutes a Real Challenge for Parents and Activists." The article referenced the movie Hustle and Flow and Three 6 Mafia's song "It's Hard out here for a Pimp." The article written by Monica Lewis for Black America Web says, among other things, that children who grow up with fathers are more likely to do well in school, have healthier self esteem, and avoid risky behavior. Furthermore, the article says "young girls are in need of two things from men: protection and affirmation. When a good father is involved, young girls are going to get those things because the father is the first man who is suppoesed to love this daughter unconditionally. A father can make the girl feel "love-worthy" not "lust-worthy." A pimp is the total opposite of a father and should be hanged or shot immediately upon sight. (Ray Carter said this). For girl without fathers it's incumbent upon all of us to help with the situation. I have several nieces who are boy crazy. They're scoping boys with greater precision than my friend Jim and I used to scope girls. Jim and I got slapped and cursed out a lot but I doubt these girl are running off knuckleheads like they did us in our days. Besides, we were seeking only a feel not actual sex. These boys, and men alike, are super predators this day and time. Fortunately, there exist the US Department of Justice's Innocence Lost Campaign, currently running in 14 cities across the country that is charging and convicting pimps.

Author

Ray Carter

Date

2006-03-16T14:18:19-06:00

ID

71821

Comment

So Donna says" drugs and alcohol, their abuse limits choices" Carter says," Why did you say 'abuse' and not 'use'?" Donna said what she meant. If she had said "drugs and alcohol, their use limits choices" she would have been wrong. (article and first comment)

Author

Sherman Lee

Date

2006-03-16T15:12:23-06:00

ID

71822

Comment

What are you saying Sherman? Are you saying neither the use or abuse of alcohol and drugs effect choices? Please enlighten me. People who play guitars are really smart. Tommy C. Carter is one of my favorite cousins. I can't wait for the answer.

Author

Ray Carter

Date

2006-03-16T15:24:18-06:00

ID

71823

Comment

About the whole fatherhood thing. When is someone going to address what I consider the lowest sin going. Men who pertend their children are not their own. How do/did men get fooled into thinking this is O.K.? Just look around at the mothers and children living in the real world while the father is somewhere else pretending. I heard that Virginia(and probably most southern states) had laws forbidding white men from adopting their mixed children. Imagine how much more equitable our society would be if these men talking high morals had the balls to live it. I think John Milton might have had a special place in hell for them.

Author

Sherman Lee

Date

2006-03-16T15:29:39-06:00

ID

71824

Comment

My father fathered at least 17 children and claimed everyone of them including the ones outside of marriage. I fully claim all of them too without even mentioning the half-sister or half-brother crap since you can't be a half-person. I thank my father for his attitude on this issue. I claimed by son without any paternity test, and would claim any more that I fathered. But I won't father another one outside of wedlock. I admit I'm not open-minded about drugs or alcohol when it comes to children. If a person pulls out drugs around me I'm instantly looking for my keys and car. If they do it at my house I'm throwing them them the hell out. I may tolerate a little drinking among adults. My brothers and other relatives rarely comes to visit me and they never stay for long because my wife and I don't drink alcohol and she's less tolerant of it than I am. We often hear of these cases where children have gotten drunk and caused bad wrecks or have gotten themselves killed themselves. People talk about how sad the incident was. With a little investigation you often learn that the child and their parents used and abused alcohol. But I say had the child not used alcohol at all then they wouldn't have abused it or had a wreck as a result of it. Similarly, we hear about cases where children have become addicted and are getting abused or committing crime after crime as a result of being a drug addict. Many talk about how bad or sad it is to become addicted. I, instead, talk about how bad or sad it was to use drugs in the first place. If you don't used them then you can't get addicted either. Children need to be told the truth at all times whether they listen and adhere or not. We have this wicked condonation of the use of drugs in this country. Too many adults have used and abused them then turned around and condone the use of them again as long as it does not involve their children. I'm all for it involving the children of those particular types of parents. After all, who deserve hell from drug use more than them.

Author

Ray Carter

Date

2006-03-16T16:05:46-06:00

ID

71825

Comment

I'm agreeing with Donna. Abuse of drugs and alcohol limit choices and can severly impair peoples perception and the ability to make good decisions. Use of drugs and alcohol does not necessarily limit choices and does not severly impair peoples perception and the ability to make good decisions. Maybe the difference is Definition. We both know alcohol and drugs can be abused. Maybe we disagree on whether the can be used. What I consider appropriate use of alcohol would be 1 Something to go with meals. Softdrinks, sweetened tea, etc. gives the affect of sprickling sugar on your food before you eat it. Wine and some beers let me enjoy the food. 2 A good rip roaring wedding. When my children get married I encourage everyone to participate and dance at the reception. If that requires drinking Rum, wine, etc. do it. I consider this a "Biblical Weddidng" , and I consider sterile weddings a modern American development. 3 And of course being a Christian, the Body and Blood are central to my faith. I'll stop there What I consider appropiate use of drugs would be 1 Dealing with intense pain, maintaining blood pressure, controlling sugar levels, controling infections,... 2 Psychotic behavior, manic disorders, and several types of emotional disorders can be improved with drugs. 3 Since many working people have to go 24-7 to keep their head out of the water, they don't get to take the required 7th day off. Not to mention ever getting to go to Disneyland or anyother "getaway". A joint might be the only vacation they can get. (I didn't mean to be so wordy)

Author

Sherman Lee

Date

2006-03-16T16:07:23-06:00

ID

71826

Comment

Sorry for the errors. I always proffread after I submit.

Author

Ray Carter

Date

2006-03-16T16:08:12-06:00

ID

71827

Comment

Beyond the wife and me, Sherman, I agree mostly with you. But I personally wouldn't even use alcohol at these venues. I have witnessed too many alcoholics in my family. As far as I'm concerned the stuff is evil. I'm totally against illegal drugs, and I condone prescription drugs only for medical reasons. I do see you point, however. That's why I asked Donna if she had a strategic or other good reason for saying it that way.

Author

Ray Carter

Date

2006-03-16T16:20:30-06:00

ID

71828

Comment

The vacation joint is fine as long as they can handle it when their child smoked a vacation joint, too, although not working at all, or use a worse kind of drugs just because their friends are also, and gets addicted. We can't have it both ways. We're either for or against drugs.

Author

Ray Carter

Date

2006-03-16T16:28:56-06:00

ID

71829

Comment

Why does it have to be all or nothing? With us or against us? There is middle ground. I'm reminded of an episode of South Park (if you look hard enough, sometimes there is a good message there - lol) when Stan's dad went through AA, where he learned that "alcoholism is a disease." When the dad started drinking again and promised Stan he's never drink again, Stan told him, "Dad, you like to drink. So have a drink once in a while. Have two. If you devote your whole life to completely avoiding something you like, then that thing still controls your life and, and you've never learned any discipline at all. All or nothing is easy. But learning to drink a little bit, responsibly, that'sa disciprine." I know I'm not qualified to comment either, but... When I see those "Choose Life" car tags all over town, several thought run through my head. My inner thoughts: "Choose Life? ...yea, until birth, then we can kill you." "Choose Life? ...yea, don't join the military!" "Choose Life? ...where's the choice if you are telling me what to choose?" And, I refuse to call them "Pro-life." "Anti-choice" is a more appropriate term. I think I heard Randi Rhodes saying the other night saying that Pro-choice people don't tell pregnant women they have to get an abortion - they're all inclusive, but it's the anti-choice people who are intolerant.

Author

Tre

Date

2006-03-20T13:25:41-06:00

ID

71830

Comment

I refuse to call them "Pro-life." "Anti-choice" is a more appropriate term. I have known a few people who call themselves "pro-life" who actually are pro-life-beyond-birth-for-everyone. But, unfortunately, not as many as you'd hope. It is very sad. I actually like to use the terms "anti-abortion" and "pro-abortion rights." I think it's the most straightforward and doesn't sugarcoat anything for either side.

Author

DonnaLadd

Date

2006-03-20T13:31:55-06:00

ID

71831

Comment

Tre writes: I'm reminded of an episode of South Park (if you look hard enough, sometimes there is a good message there - lol) when Stan's dad went through AA, where he learned that "alcoholism is a disease." When the dad started drinking again and promised Stan he's never drink again, Stan told him, "Dad, you like to drink. So have a drink once in a while. Have two. If you devote your whole life to completely avoiding something you like, then that thing still controls your life and, and you've never learned any discipline at all. All or nothing is easy. But learning to drink a little bit, responsibly, that'sa disciprine." I hated that episode of South Park. Alcoholism is a disease, and I don't mean that metaphorically; I mean it's a literal, neurochemical disease. Some people can come out of alcoholism and drink a drink or two. Most can't, and it's not because they lack discipline--it's because the alcohol has a different effect on them than it has on the people who can. There are some people who honest to God can't just have one drink, and that isn't a character defect. It's an addiction, an instinct, a work of powerful biological imprinting. Nobody just "enjoys" alcohol. It's a drug. Whether one can have a little of it depends on what it does to their brains when they do. And I greatly admire the discipline of alcoholics who do stay off the stuff entirely--because not only do they have to deal with the very real neurochemical problem of addiction, but they also have jackasses like Matt Stone and Trey Parker and however many friends or coworkers telling them they really can have a drink or two without having to worry about falling off the wagon, if only they have "self-discipline." No, they can't. They honest to God can't. Self-discipline has absolutely nothing to do with it. Cheers, TH

Author

Tom Head

Date

2006-03-20T15:41:37-06:00

ID

71832

Comment

The alcohol issue is a tough one for me. I could personally see it all banned. But I wouldn't ban it even if I had the power to because too many family members, not to mention others, would hate and shun me for doing it. Maybe even kill me. Fortunately, I can have fun, relaxation and enjoyment without it. Growing up I never thought of myself as an all or nothing person. I even handle my vices and temptations with moderation. However, one of my best friends recently critically described me as seeing everything in do's and don't's. But he said his son was just like me and he was proud of that. I've asked countless drug addicts, alcoholics and occasional drinkers what do these substances give them they couldn't otherwise have naturally. I don't know that I have ever gotten a lucid or sensible answer. I usually get anwers involving inducement of fun, ceasing of inhibitions, insomnia, instant loss of guilt, enhancement of sex, a care-free attitude, and so on. No wonder so many good and innocent girls wound up raped and pregnant without knowing who did it, strung out on all kinds of hard drugs, and having been involved in so many weird, perverted, and life-altering sex acts that they barely knew they were in. A similar argument can be made for boys. In the end, I suppose, we usually get what we ask for and deserve. What kind of person would desire to live care-free, without inhibitions, devoid of quilt, and while not alert? ONLY A FOOL. I temper all of the above with full knowlwdge that alcoholism and drug addiction are diseases.

Author

Ray Carter

Date

2006-03-20T16:34:21-06:00

ID

71833

Comment

Ray, bud, I think we are of exactly one mind on this issue. I will occasionally have a glass of wine, slowly and only with meals, but just for the flavor. I have never been drunk in any meaningful sense of the word, but a glass or two of wine on an empty stomach gives me a pleasant if somewhat disconcerting buzz that I guess is what people go for. Personally, I find the experience a little scary. It's like I'm stepping away from my sense of self, and I can't overcome the sense that if I kept moving in that direction I would experience oblivion, annihilation of self-awareness. Which is exactly, I reckon, what folks experience when they pass out from overdrinking. Anyway, I don't drink wine on an empty stomach anymore, and I've never had anything harder in undiluted form (Jack Daniels in egg nog, rum in punch, etc. probably doesn't count). Now, there was that time I was on beta blockers very briefly for an abnormal heart rhythm (which turned out to be benign and nothing to worry about). I had a very strong reaction to the particular drug used, and my pulse dropped to 40. That felt great. I was in total control of my thoughts, my anxiety went through the floor, and everything that came out of my mouth was pretty much brilliant because my mind was actually allowed to spend time constructing sentences instead of forever pushing ahead and in every other direction. Ever since then I've thought that I might be able to use some good anti-anxiety meds, but folks who are shooting heroin might be looking for the same kind of feeling. I don't know. Most of what I do know about alcohol and illegal drugs isn't firsthand. It comes from knowing a lot of alcoholics and reformed drug addicts. At one point in my life, nearly all of my friends were AA or NA. Many of them still are. One former cocaine addict told me to imagine an orgasm and multiply it by 100, and that's the high you feel like you're going to get when you're doing cocaine. You never actually get quite there, he told me, but you get so close that you always, always, always want to do it again, always want to push ahead a little further. And I thought: Okay, I can see why somebody would want to do that. Direct chemical manipulation of the pleasure and reward centers of your brain must feel pretty damn good. And because our brains are naturally wired to seek pleasure, to seek rewards, pretty soon they'll turn into machines that exist solely to give us the drugs we need. So I guess it shouldn't surprise us when those machines mug people, jack cars, and so forth. That's how they've been programmed--decreased impulse control coupled with an uncontrollable desire to get It. Fixing them is a long and complicated process, and unfortunately we're stuck in a criminal justice system that is oriented more towards punishing these folks for being Very Bad People than sending them through rehab and helping them get their circuitry straightened out. Cheers, TH

Author

Tom Head

Date

2006-03-20T18:45:15-06:00

ID

71834

Comment

Addiction is a disease, plain and simple. I look forward to the very soon day I'm able to talk about what addiction has done to my life, but life is VERY different for both addicts and those who have to share a life with them. This really struck a nerve with me and has convicted me somewhat to speak out about this issue. It's a HUGE deal for those who were raised in an environment of addiction and those trying to raise a family with it overshadowing. It hits every socioeconomic group. No one is immune. And those who are living it have either admitted to the control or not admitted to the control, but they are controlled nevertheless.

Author

emilyb

Date

2006-03-20T19:58:20-06:00

ID

71835

Comment

I hear you, Tom. I know my mind is warped but I figure if cocaine and the likes were so good for us the body wouldn't be able to live without them, such as the case with water, oxygen and so on. The maker knew better than us what we needed. Since we agree alcohol and drugs are addictive, and we don't know who will get addicted and who won't, it seems to me the best thing to do is avoid both. I have several cousins who are musicians and all have abused drugs or alcohol. We sat down and pondered the history of our older close relatives one time. We were amazed at how many of our fathers, uncles and great uncles were alcoholics. They didn't know they were alcoholics but they were. No wonder my family was so susceptible to it. I wish you well Emilyb. I inadvertently witnessed/experienced a class on psych-drama on one occasion wherein people were encouraged to be honest and talk about the things that were ailing them. I was one of 2 black people in this class. After this experiece I wanted to go home and kiss my parents for doing a wonderful job raising me despite being black and poor. In this class there were countless white men and women who had grown up with alcoholic mothers and fathers and the damage to them was enormous and apparently everlasting. Many of these people were married, had children, and were supposedly living the American dream, but had never gotten over the deep pain of those experiences. My daddy was a good and nice man while sober or drunk. He's even nicer and more generous when drunk. I know we're quick lucky he's that way.

Author

Ray Carter

Date

2006-03-21T10:13:27-06:00

ID

71836

Comment

The Smoking Gun is reporting that Edward Cuebas, an Army captain, was arrested Friday afternoon by the Savannah police during the St. Patty's Parade for urinating in the gas tank of a Savannah Police car. Surely alcohol must anesthetize the other soldier, too. Another reason to just say no. An investigation is in ongoing to determine if he was trying to help the city by topping off the gas tank, or perhaps thought he was at home with his girfriend. Since it is reported he was pressed up against the car I'm assuming the later is more the case. And I thought my cousins had set the drunken and bazaar bar so high that no one else could compete. I was wrong.

Author

Ray Carter

Date

2006-03-21T13:59:37-06:00

ID

71837

Comment

I agree that abuse of drugs and alcohol is a bad thing. I agree that abuse of drugs and alcohol has destroyed many families. But, a "disease"? No. Cancer is a disease. AIDS is a disease. Alzheimers is a disease. Maybe abuse of drugs and alcohol can cause disease, but alcoholism is not a disease. I've read that cultures that treat alcoholism as a disease have the highest alcoholism rates, and treatment programs that treat alcoholism as a disease have the worst success rates.

Author

Tre

Date

2006-03-22T11:46:30-06:00

ID

71838

Comment

I did a quick Google search and found this letter: Schaler, J.A. (1988, October 25). Alcoholism is not a disease. The Washington Post, Letters to the Editor, p. A26. It is unfortunate that the House of Representatives recently voted to overrule a Veterans Administration policy calling alcoholism ''willful misconduct'' [''House Votes to Restore Benefits to Alcoholic Veterans,'' Oct. 18]. Contrary to the claim that this is an important victory for all recovering alcoholics, it is first and foremost a victory for the alcoholism treatment industry and a defeat for scientific medicine. Ironically, on April 20, 1988, the U.S. Supreme Court agreed with the bible of Alcoholics Anonymous (AA). AA is one of the strongest proponents of the disease model of alcoholism. The court upheld the authority of the VA to define alcoholism as the result of ''willful misconduct.'' And as The Big Book says: ... the main problem of the alcoholic centers in his mind rather than in his body." Although Justice Byron R. White, writing for the majority, said that the court was not deciding ''whether alcoholism is a disease whose course its victims cannot control,'' he also noted that there was ''a substantial body of medical literature that even contests the proposition that alcoholism is a disease, much less that it is a disease for which the victim bears no responsibility.'' A person does not will the onset of diabetes, hypertension, the presence of a malignant tumor. Here it would be wrong to assign responsibility for the disease. This is not the case with an alcoholic or drug addict. A person both enters and exits usage through an act of will. Since the word addiction is defined as a volitional act and the relationship between the mind and the body is unknown, it is inaccurate to state with certainty that alcoholism is a disease. The mind can't be sick. Many disease model spokespersons are recovered alcoholics and have an emotional investment in viewing themselves as helpless to their own behaviors. A majority of these people are seriously lacking in scientific backgrounds. They say scientific validity ''interferes with the process'' of helping people who need help and claim special qualification to help others.They perceive any challenge to the disease concept as ''a challenge to the validity of their own emotional ordeal and conversion to sobriety.'' The treatment industry also has a substantial economic investment in maintaining the disease concept. As long as alcoholism is considered a disease, medical insurance pays for treating it. Is the disease model of alcoholism scientific? No. Simply calling behavior a disease process does not make it one, even if doing so assists in creating sobriety. Is the treatment policy based on bad science? Yes. Is there any chance that this attitude will change in the near future? Bloody unlikely. JEFFREY A. SCHALER Silver Spring The writer was chairman of the Montgomery County Drug Abuse Advisory Council.

Author

Tre

Date

2006-03-22T11:52:37-06:00

ID

71839

Comment

I support the letter to a large degree. Compassion for others with a difficult problem is my main reason for accepting it as a disease. Not science.

Author

Ray Carter

Date

2006-03-22T11:57:45-06:00